The Real Christian Grey
by Marlette Bess
Summary: Conversations between Christian Grey and his psychiatrist Dr. John Flynn.


Sandra Campbell

6002 St Moritz Dr Unit K

Whitefish, MT 59937

chucha

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THE REAL CHRISTIAN GREY

(Conversations between Christian Grey and Dr. John Flynn)

Based on characters of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy by E L James

A Novel

By

Marlette Bess

CHAPTER -1

Christian Grey, the twenty-seven-year-old millionaire (maybe a billionaire by this time) just called his psychiatrist the London born, Dr. John Flynn. The psychiatrist and Seattle's most eligible bachelor from the beginning had an odd relationship. Flynn had become Christian's doctor, friend, mentor, and confidante for over two years. Christian had gained a male friend, his only - other than his brother Elliot.

Dr. Flynn thought Christian was the most beautiful man that he had ever seen with his tall stance, a buff build, piercing gray eyes and a mass of unruly copper hair. John admired his fashion style like he stepped out of the pages of GQ when working with his fine-looking custom-made suits. John only dressed for necessity; not to be a fashion icon like Christian. But when Christian casually dressed he looked like the local bad-ass rock-star, all in black with a tight tee shirt and jeans. No wonder women always swooned at the sight of him.

Christian was charming, funny, and opportunistic when it came to business, but in his private life he could be dark, brooding and very depressed. He also had a very exclusive and secretive sex life. His family thought he was gay and celibate. Christian carried many wounds from childhood most profoundly that he had been sexually abused at fifteen.

John's particular form of therapy, Solution-Focused Brief Therapy was to get Christian to set goals and find strategies to work toward those goals. Christian had seen many psychiatrists and, after two years of therapy, John was not sure that he had helped his patient that much. But each week he kept prodding Christian to set goals and follow through with them.

Monday May 23, 2011, "Hi John, I'm glad that you're in. I had such a wonderful weekend but I'm a little confused about what happen. I know you have never heard me use the word confused, but this woman, this young woman has turned my world upside down."

Flynn said, while combing his long black hair back with his fingers, "Are you talking about the same young woman you told me about in our last session you went down Vancouver to see and did the photo shoot with? I don't know how I wormed that out of you, since you only mentioned it in passing."

Christian said, "Yes, but I don't even remember telling you about her. Two weeks ago, I went to see her at Clayton's Hardware where she works. This past weekend she called me."

"Christian, I want you to hang up and SKYPE me. I want to see your face and judge your reactions to my questions. Our conversations can be difficult over the phone. This time I insist that you SKYPE me because I want to see your face and gage your emotions."

Christian was pissed that John hung up on him, but did as he asked, he really needed his wisdom. Suddenly the good doc's face popped up on his laptop. They both glared at each other a minute, a sort of virtual a pissing contest on the computer.

Christian said, his gray eyes glaring, "You look well, John."

John winked his blue eyes back at him, "If you were a girl, Christian, I would say you're positively giddy. And you look different, lighter I think. You aren't usually so transparent. I take it that she wants you."

Christian crossed his legs then uncrossed them and leaned back in the seat. "I did things with her that I have never done before. I'm almost tongue-tied. For God's sake, she even met my mother, Grace, of course, she fell all over Anastasia."

John thought Anastasia was a beautiful name, very European sounding. "What do you find hard to reconcile," Dr. Flynn said with authority.

"Doc, I hope you're as shocked as I am for these are all firsts. First, I slept with her in the same bed. I was clothed and she was passed out drunk. I took most of her clothes off so I could have the hotel wash them. She has a beautiful body with divine skin. I didn't touch her, other than when I removed her vomit-stained shirt and pants and I even put a tee shirt on her. That was Saturday morning early and then, on Saturday evening, I flew her from Portland to Seattle in my helicopter, Charlie Tango. She watched me with such admiration and I watched her breathe, with her breasts heaving with excitement. We talked about sex and her becoming my submissive; hell, I even took her into the playroom. That was the biggest mistake I've ever made."

Christian's voice climbed an octave. "When we returned to the great room, and she told me she had no sexual experience; I was shocked. She was a virgin for God's sake. (He shook his copper locks.) She was even more enticing and exciting in that moment. Don't worry, Flynn, she wanted me. I must have asked at least four times before entering, she gave me the go-ahead each and every time."

John yelled into his computer screen, "Look, Christian, why would you do that to her? The women you have had in the past have all been sexually experienced in your lifestyle. I know you have a particular taste, but to bring a young woman, a virgin no less, into your world is dangerous and frankly downright stupid."

"John, I know that, but she wanted me. Her body and eyes were giving me the go-ahead. I can read women and she wanted me." (He said pleading.) "For God's sake maybe she is the first woman who has ever wanted me - not just the Dominant - or the billionaire - but me. That's why I'm confused! Ana looked at me with such longing and lust, wanting me so badly and now, I want her. When I kissed her the first time in the Heathman Hotel elevator, I said, "Fuck the paperwork." I was talking about the god damn contract. I grabbed her and kissed her like my life depended on it as if we were free falling down to the lobby."

Christian could see John writing on his notepad. John wrote; he's in love. "I don't need to know all the details, but did you satisfy her? You weren't all James Bondage on her?"

He stroked his copper hair and then shoved his long legs out again as he leaned towards the computer. "To tell you the truth, I was terrified. This was the first woman who actually wanted me, other than with Elena in the beginning. I would never admit that to anyone but you. I was gentle and tender making love to her, like I said, it was a first to have Vanilla Sex and I enjoyed myself. Then when we were finished with her first sexual experience, she asked for more. The second time, I held her hands so she wouldn't touch me and she had two more orgasms. There was blood on the sheets, and I know she was sore this morning."

He looked at John almost wondering what he was talking about. John tapped the screen to get his attention. Christian raised his eyebrows and continued talking. "We took a bath together, she gave me the most incredible blow job; a first for her and the best I've ever had. She appears to have no gag reflex. This beautiful creature Anastasia has changed me and yet, I sent her home with the standard submissive contract after sign a nondisclosure agreement. Oh one more thing, we were on our last sexual encounter my mother interrupted us. Thank God, Taylor prevented her from entering the bedroom by telling her I was not alone. Which I know she didn't believe at first."

"Let me get this straight," as John frowned at the monitor, "you deflowered a virgin, had the best blow job ever and, in the end, you were interrupted by your mother? And what the hell is vanilla sex?"

"Yea, that's about it," he said stammering with a shit-ass grin on his face, "and now I have one question for you', what's this woman done to me?"

Flynn laughed and Christian was taken aback. "I knew you were fucked-up, Christian, but this weekend takes the cake. If you think that you're screwed-up, just imagine what poor Anastasia is going through. She gave herself to you; heart and soul, without hesitation or reservation, and then you send her home with papers to sign to become your submissive. Are you telling me that you have no feelings for her? With your other submissives you had no feelings! How is she supposed to go on having given you everything, to being dominated by you?"

Flynn sat back in his chair, he was angry at Christian. He knew that there was more than a doctor/patient relationship between Christian and him, but he felt he had to make Christian think about what he wanted from Anastasia. John did not want Anastasia as a client from just one sexual encounter with Christian. He thought Christian speaking about Anastasia was progress because, in the past, he had kept his submissives on the outer reaches of their conversations. Christian's attention began to wander. John tried to keep Christian engaged in the conversation.

"Why was she drunk?"

"Celebrating final exams."

John looked satisfied with Christian's answer and then said, "I want you to close your eyes and describe Anastasia to me. I want you to go into as much detail about her as you feel comfortable."

Christian was always a willing patient because he wanted to be normal.

"Anastasia Rose Steel is approximately five-six, small boned with slim shoulders, and slender. I think she doesn't eat enough and is on the verge of becoming skinny. Having the most beautiful pale skin, like a blush on a white rose; I want to touch her all the time. Her unruly chestnut hair is in need of a good cut. But her powder-blue eyes look at me with lust and compassion. I also can see fear behind her smile. I think she thinks, she is not good enough for me, which is totally and utterly ridiculous; I'm surely the one not worthy of her. She will look through her extremely long lashes at me catching me off guard. I can see in her eyes that she trusts me. Did I mention her breasts that fit in my hands perfectly and that she has beautifully large nipples? I love watching them swell in between my fingers." Christian was unconsciously rolling his index finger and thumb together.

"She sounds like a beautiful woman. Did you tell her?"

"Yes…I think so." Christian got a confused look on his face.

"How old is she?"

Christian looked sheepishly, "Twenty-one, old enough to give her consent."

Flynn said, looking directly in the screen, "I want you to do the same exercise as before, but I want you to tell me your emotions or feelings. I know you're a good talker, Christian, but I want to know, how it felt when you held her or kissed her or touched her skin. I know you don't do feelings, but now after Anastasia, I know you have feelings!"

Christian was perturbed. "John, in all the time I have known you, this is the hardest assignment you have given me. I want to say no, but I'm the one who needs help and if this will help, I'll do it, I think. Oh, I forgot to answer your question about Vanilla sex. It just means plain-old ordinary sex with no add-ons or sex toys."

Christian leaned once more into the seat and blew out a long breath, hoping he could do as Flynn asked. Closing his eyes he said. "Emotions, when she called me on early Saturday morning, she was drunk dialing me from some bar - giving me shit. I was angry with her, very angry because she should have more respect for her body than to get drunk. You know I can be ruthless when I want something, and I put my best tracking skills to work. I found her by tracking her phone. When I pulled up at the bar with my brother, Elliot, she was outside with a boy who was trying to take full advantage of her condition. I didn't go psycho on him, but I did feel a real need to protect her. She started vomiting, and it took time for her to calm down. We went inside the bar so she could tell her best friend, Kate that she was with me. My brother Elliot had already found Kate and was putting the moves on her. I must admit they made a striking blond couple." He took a thinking pause.

"I took Anastasia back to the Heathman for her own protection, or maybe it was my need to protect her. I felt obligated to take care of her. She was so vulnerable. The next morning she took a shower and even used my tooth brush after breakfast. I kissed her desperately in the elevator as we left the hotel. There was an electrical charge between us. I couldn't help myself and grabbed her in my arms pinning her against the wall of the elevator and grinding my body against hers. Then I kissed her with feelings. I wanted that kiss to go on forever. I could've ridden that elevator for days just touching her lips. Emotion, I felt complete, whole, and at peace for 10 seconds."

Christian took a drink of water and when he looked up at the screen Flynn was taking notes and looked up. "Do you want to continue? You're doing very well."

He nodded his head. "Then when I took her to the penthouse, she was frightened. I thought it was me, but it was her virginity she was about to lose. At first, I believed it was just something I had to do to make her my submissive, but when I actually had sex with her, she was real, no role playing, no coming on command. The more she gave to me, the more I understood that she was actually giving herself. I had no idea why she did that or how she allowed me take her trembling innocence. Then when she asked for more, I was lost. I think the second time it was pure emotion. I wanted her and her only. I wanted her not as a submissive, only as Ana. Then I slept with her in my arms. I don't know if I have ever slept that soundly. You see why I'm so damn confused?"

Christian took more water and John was going to say something but Christian continued, "How could she give me her virginity? I'm not worthy. I feel such excitement just thinking about her and want to nuzzle my nose in her hair smelling her scent. I want to smell her bodily fluids and, more than that, I want to kiss her full lips. Am I nuts, or what's wrong with me? John, we have gone through submissives together, leaving and finding new ones, but she literally stumbled into my life when she came to interview me at Grey House. I feel lost at this moment, and just talking about her has made me horny."

John asked, "When do you see her again?"

"Wednesday, I'm taking her to dinner to discuss the submissive/dominant contract."

"I just have one piece of advice, please don't push her. You've made her dreams come true. She waited a long time to give away her virginity. You're special in her powder-blue eyes. I know this is unfamiliar territory but Christian, Anastasia is a different creature from your usual type. She is vulnerable around you and may force herself into doing what you want just to have you. But the bigger question for me is that all you want from her to become your submissive? Is there any chance you may want more from her than weekends in bondage with no feelings?"

"John that's what's so damn confusing; I'm a dominant who needs a submissive. That being said, I also have this hunger to be with her. I don't think I would ever do anything stupid like hurt her, but she presses my buttons and that makes me want to punish her. I even opened up and told her about Elena. I just explained Elena was the one who brought me into the lifestyle"

Now John's face was almost on fire with anger. "Christian, you have no idea what you did. She thinks like me that you were molested. She has pity and sorrow for you. She's probably more confused than you." John put on his thinking cap. "Is she very smart?"

"Anastasia smart? What an understatement, she is very bright and at the top of her class. Why?"

"She is trying right now to figure out why you need to dominate her. Now you gave her one damn big clue that you were molested as a teenager. Christian, you have met a woman who is your equal. She will have you hogtied in ten seconds flat. I'm warning you that Anastasia is trying as we speak to figure you out. If you don't want her to delve deeper into your psyche then don't see her again for she will force you to confront the truth much more than I have."

Christian's face looked like shattered glass, a look that John had only seen when Christian talked about his birth mother. He wanted to say more, but nothing would come out.

"I'll heed your warning, but I've got to go because my phone has been on vibrate, and I've received so many calls I'm about to get a thrill. I won't see you Thursday because I'm giving a speech at Anastasia's commencement."

"Christian, I want you to do me a favor. I think you're going to need my help navigating these unchartered waters. Please email me after you see her each time. I don't think it wise for you to wait for our next session. Of course, you know that I'll always take your calls. Be careful, Christian, the heart is dangerous waters for you."

He smiled at the computer, "I'll do that, but I'll get my way with Anastasia Steel or my name is not Christian Grey."

Dr. Flynn sat and thought about Christian after he was disconnected; pondering Christian the arrogant son-of-a-bitch. This new woman changed Christian more in three days than therapy had in two years. Christian didn't know he was in love, but John did. He also worried that Christian might force Anastasia into something she was not ready for. He was deep into thought when the phone rang, informing him his next patient had arrived.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **First Email

**Date: **May 24 2011 00:14

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

I went to see her tonight. I couldn't wait until Wednesday night. Why does she affect me this way? When I'm in the same room I just can't keep my hands off her. We had sex. No, I shouldn't put it that way, we had good sex. At times, I think she is more satisfied than I am. I want to consume her. She is shy and sweet, but powerful when she moves her body. I've had women reach orgasm around me but, when she does it, it's like my explosion is deeper and more meaningful. Emotion, when she comes around me, it scares me. Shit! That's not an emotion, but you get my drift.

She asked me if I was going to collar her like a dog. This was shit she had read on the internet. I gave her a computer to do research on. I told her I never collared any woman and the only collar I wanted to put around her neck is diamonds.

I went to Anastasia's apartment because she sent me a dismissive email, telling me she did not want to see me again. Actually it said, "It was nice knowing you." My outrage was over-the-top and then she kicked me out of her bed after sex. Another first, no woman has ever told me they don't want to see me. As you would say if my submissives could speak they might have told me. With a submissive she can leave anytime she wants, no questions asked that is part of the contract. No woman has ever kicked me out of their bed. But then again, I have never had sex in any woman's bed before. Oh! The sex was good. I said that already. Am I losing my mind over her? I think I need sleep. I told Anastasia to go to sleep I should take my own advice.

Christian Grey

CEO &amp; Confused, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

After Christian sent the email, he felt something strange - a tear was on his cheek. It was an odd sensation because tears were something he never experienced.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **First Email - Answer

**Date: **May 24 2011 07:14

**To:** Christian Grey

Christian, do you have any idea what you have done to that poor woman? Now that you have been in her bed, she will dream of you there. The reason she is shy is because you intimidate her. This powerful man steals her virginity, beds her, and then wants her to sign up for kinky sex. Do you know how bogus that sounds?

My God man, she has only had three days of sex! She is trying to process what her body and mind are trying to tell her. Then the guy she likes dangles a contract in front of her face like a horse watching a carrot on a stick. **SLOW THE FUCK DOWN - CHRISTIAN!**

John

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **I Can't

**Date: **May 24 2011 12:04

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

This morning has been hard for me. Everywhere I looked I saw her. My phone rang and I kept thinking it was her. I'm in awe. What has she done to me? I'm trying not to be pushy or controlling, but I'm losing the battle. You've always told me I could change, but how? Are my sexual needs more important than my need to change? Am I capable of being less controlling? I'm just one sorry asshole.

Christian Grey

CEO &amp; Still Confused, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Still Confused

**Date: **May 24 2011 13:14

**To:** Christian Grey

Do you really want her as your submissive - only having sex with her from Friday night to Sunday afternoon? Do you want her to be without opinions or needs, only service you without regard for her feelings? Sometimes I think a blowup doll that would work very well for you. You could twist her into any position and she could come anytime you wanted.

Christian this young woman of excellent taste wants you and NOT a contract. I think what you fail to see is how charming, utterly charming you find her. She is tough and strong and is going to hold out as long as she can, hoping you will capitulate on the contract.

Please have a little compassion for her. You're her first sexual encounter and you're demanding she give up her life to you. THINK, Christian; is this really what you want?

I have two questions: how much sex did you have with your subs per day, and do you really want obedience from Anastasia? Would you have her be obedient and take away the spark that has drawn you together? Sorry three questions.

My advice is hand her the diploma and your heart at same time.

Your friend in all things good and true.

John

Christian was enjoying a leisurely moment in between meetings, but he took the time to think about Flynn's email. He stared out from his office with Seattle at his feet and wondered if Ana would always be below him or would she be at his side. These were all new thoughts.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Thinking

**Date: **May 24 2011 16:03

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

How much sex did I have? It's hard to gauge, but sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. You're right about Anastasia; I want sex with her daily. This is getting confusing. It seems I have drawn a line in the sand and dared her to cross over, but part of me wants the desirable and defiant Miss Steel. You're right again, I like her questioning me. It forces me to look at things differently but somehow I need to control her. I like the spark between us, especially the one I felt in the elevator. I seem to be on a big pendulum swinging back and forth. John, I want her so badly. I just need to breathe the same air as she!

I want her, John. She is not like hiring the other subs. Hiring is not the right word. Maybe recruiting a sub is easier, although the last one turned out to be a drag. Susannah only lasted a month. She told me I was cold and cruel and I never touched her. Fuck, why am I bringing this up now? Your patient is really screwed-up.

I'll see her tomorrow at seven to go over the contract.

Christian Grey

CEO &amp; Now Fucked-up, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **You have been fucked-up for awhile!

**Date: **May 25 2011 17:37

**To:** Christian Grey

Decide what you want before you press her into signing a contract at your dinner. Christian you're brilliant at business, but unfamiliar with affairs of the heart. **DON'T PUSH HER!**

John

Christian was excitedto see Anastasia. He went down to the Marble Bar at the Heathman Hotel with his stomach in knots. How could this be? Women don't have this effect on him; but when he saw her in her plum dress that skimmed her body, he wanted to rip it off of her. He smiled, showing no signs of his internal struggle. Her beautiful chestnut hair hanging down to one breast made him salivate. He gathered his wits and took her to a booth.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Stunned

**Date: **May 25 2011 22:55

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

We went to dinner to discuss the contract. I was friendly and more businesslike than I had ever been with her. She's a good negotiator, who stated her arguing points with reason and clarity. It was odd to be discussing fisting, anal sex, and sexual tools during dinner. We discussed the contract logically but the undercurrent of sexuality kept invading our thoughts.

I thought I was being charming, but she would have none of it or me. She held her own even though I was salivating at her beauty in her plum dress. We ate dinner, but she didn't eat much.

She defies me about eating. I worry about her. Will she be strong enough for me to put her through my sexual paces?

When our negotiations were complete, I got one brief kiss and then she was off.

I'm really not persuading her to be my submissive. I know she is young and inexperienced, but I wanted her and would have taken her right there on the floor of the Heathman Hotel.

My God, I'm more confused than ever. All of my charms and powers of persuasion don't seem to be working on her.

John, all I want is her.

She did consent to kiss me, but she would not stay longer or spend the night. She told me she needed time to think. She has a hard time believing she could be my submissive. Before she left, I think I even begged her to stay something I've never done before.

She drives a very old VW bug. I was terrified she would not make it home. My God, John, if something happened to her, I would feel terrible. So I have decided to buy her a car for graduation tomorrow. At least, if she doesn't want me I know she'll be safe.

Why am I so possessed by her?

I even stated my case to her again in my email that I sent not more than ten minutes ago. What's so wrong with becoming my submissive?

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Pushing

**Date: **May 26 2011 07:00

**To:** Christian Grey

I know you don't think buying a car is big deal, but it is! It's an extraordinarily large gift. She probably has worked her way through college.

You are **PUSHING** her hard, like you must do when you have sex with her. She is young and bright with a propensity to please. My God, Christian, you must be smothering her.

Do you want her as she is, or do you want to dominate her? She is a poor candidate for your submissive wants, for she is a complete woman.

You have things missing from childhood and adolescence, but she is complete and happy. Do you want her give in to your depravity and take away her joy?

If I could get you on the phone, I would be shouting in your ear, **Wake up, Christian Grey!**

I know you think of me as an old man, but I'm only forty-five. I had to check my own ego in order to give up my practice in London to be with Rhian. I have adjusted to living in the States, to being a father, to living with a woman after all those years of being single. It was difficult, but worth it.

What are you willing to give up, your depraved lifestyle in order to have Anastasia?

I have become just like you, Christian, running my fingers through my hair to show my frustrations.

Be careful and slow down.

Good luck on your convocation address, but you probably don't need it for you'll pick Anastasia out of the audience and give the speech to her.

John

Once again, Christianread the words but could not connect his feelings to the words. He believed in that moment that pursuing Anastasia was the only action he could take. Christian sent a quick text to John as he was being driven to see Anastasia on her graduation night.

Good day. Going to her now. She is willing to try. I'll update later.

John was at home tucking the kids into bed when he got this text. He shook his head and said to himself, "Like hell, Anastasia is willing to try."

Christian was back at the Heathman relaxing after having fucked Anastasia, feeling rather proud of his performance. He had met her step-father, Ray Steel, after her commencement, and he had encouraged Christian to take care of his daughter. The more he thought about their encounter the more he wanted to be back with her, but he knew going back would open him up to her. He liked being the dominant and in control, but every time he went to teach her something, he ended up the one learning about her. Christian writes to Flynn knowing that, because of the time, he would not read it until tomorrow.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Wow! What an evening

**Date: **May 26 2011 22:30

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

We negotiated the soft limits of the contract. I told you that she was coming around to my way of thinking.

While having sex she tried to touch me, but then she took control and dominated me. I told her I had a rough start in life and that I was fifty shades of fucked-up.

We discussed contraception. I hate using condoms!

It was going great until she rolled her eyes at me, and I had to spank her. It took her by surprise, but then I fucked her good in the end.

She was so funny and caring towards me. She likes sex, but she takes me places I've never been.

Then I debased her and, when I left, she had such longing, questioning why I had to go. Now I sit in my hotel suite, questioning why I left. Why does she pull at me?

With the submissives I would leave them alone to sleep in their own bedroom, but I'm not sure I will allow Anastasia to sleep alone.

You're right I'm pushing her - to what end?

She told me she would take debasement to enlightenment. Whatever that means?

I will call you tomorrow, and hopefully you could enlighten me.

Christian Grey

CEO &amp; Fucked-up even more, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

Flynn was working, just having finished a group session. Reading Christian's email, he realized that Christian was in such unfamiliar territory with Anastasia that he actually knew if this new relationship fell apart, so would Christian. He was alarmed and wrote back immediately.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Pushing

**Date: **May 26 2011 23:00

**To:** Christian Grey

Christian, if you keep giving her all the details of your life, she will continue to dig into your psyche. If you wanted to remain aloof and detached from this woman, you've certainly failed. I told you she was in love with you, and now she wants to rescue the little lost boy and the teenager from hell. You have opened up another whole kettle of worms, and you told her you were fifty shades of fucked-up.

Of course you are, now she will want to soothe each and every shade until you're in Technicolor. You have given her all the ammunition to heal you or hurt you.

Christian, if your timeline is correct, you then talked about contraception. This girl has had sex five times and you want her on oral contraception for your convenience.

Fuck! No choice? Do whatever Christian wants. Maybe you want a robot!

Spanking her is fun, but you fucked her good and then left. Grow up, you arrogant son-of-a-bitch.

WHAT ABOUT HER?Does she have feelings for you?

I am disgusted with you and, if you don't call tomorrow or SKYPE me, I will hunt you down.

For fuck sake Christian, THINK.

Your very pissed off friend,

John

Christian read hisemail and was about to respond when he got an email from Anastasia. He was so lost. He was surprised because he didn't know that she was just as lost. He read that she was angry at him because he never stayed with her. He knew if he went back to her place, he would sleep with her and he never had slept with anyone in their own bed.

His driving was fast, but in control, leading to her waiting arms. Why does he have such a need to be with her? After arriving at her apartment, Christian had to get past the over-protective roommate, Kate Kavanagh, only to find Ana crying. Why was she crying, certainly not over him? Was it because he spanked her? His head was more confused than ever. He was overwhelmed by his need to curl up next to her, kiss her, and sleep. Christian had a new feeling of being safe in her arms.

Was he a priapic monster as Kate called him? Did he always think with his penis? Christian was not a monster or a rapist. He always had women who were interested in doing the same thing as he was. Anastasia he felt, worshipped him, as well she should, but she was not his submissive yet. Could she be his submissive? Why would he give into her demands when he never had before with any woman he had been with?

When Christian jumped out of bed in the morning, knowing that he might be a few minutes late to his meeting, it didn't seem to matter. He didn't want to leave her. How was that possible?

During the day, he called Dear Doctor Flynn. Christian understood how precious Flynn's vacation time was with his family. Thank God, it was a phone conversation, and Flynn didn't have to see Christian's face.

"John, you're yelling at me; I wouldn't take that shit from any man."

"Look, Christian, you don't get the point that Anastasia needs space and time to comprehend what is happening to her or what you have done to her. Do you think of this as a game where you will get what you want? She is a woman with wants and needs that you have not even recognized as you steamroll yourself over her."

"John, calm down. I'm not the evil incarnate that you think I am. I just want her to become my submissive and I'm not asking for a lifetime commitment."

"That could be the problem, Christian; maybe she is looking for a lifetime commitment."

"NO…how could that be possible?"

"You have given her - let me list - rare books, a new laptop, a new car, and now a BlackBerry, all to control her. She may be thinking, he really likes me, and she may want more than just the submissive shit."

"Why do you always take her side? I'm trying not to become a stalker, and that is how you make me sound when you list all the gifts. But you're right; I do want to control her, especially her orgasms"

John frowned, "I know you are trying to be witty, but you're not amusing me, and I don't think Ana would think that comment amusing either. Christian, I know with your wealth that buying her things has no significant consequence to you, but to her you are buying her into submission. It may give you the results you want in the short term, but not necessarily the result you need. Other than sex, tell me what qualities you like in her."

"You're hardnosed today; I thought vacations were supposed to make people relax. I don't know what you want."

"Think, Christian, does she make you laugh? Does she challenge you intellectually? Does she confront you as a person, or is she just another one of your submissive Barbie dolls?"

"She challenges me all the time with her questions about my past. Ana has a good sense of humor. She is well read. I guess you're right; I know more about her body than her intellect. I think she is practical and has common sense."

"Do you understand that you're not valuing her as a human being?"

"Yes, but I still want her."

"That is fine, Christian; but you must appreciate what is above the waistline as well as what is below. I have got to go; the family is ready and waiting for me. Christian, please, try to take things slowly."

"Bye, John, talking to you is always fun, but now I think I'm demoralized. I'll see you next week."

When Christian hung up, he thought a long time about what Flynn had to say. Was he valuing Ana as a human being? He could walk the walk and talk the talk as a CEO, but his feelings about Anastasia were all over the place. Then yesterday he told her to cry when he was around; what a stupid thing to say. It broke his heart to see her upset in any way.

Saturday, picking up Mia, his baby sister, from her Paris flight was challenging. Mia, could get anything she wanted from Christian…he was putty in her hands. Mia was a breath of fresh air direct from Paris, France. She was not so little now… just a few inches shorter than he with raven bobbed hair and decked out in the latest French fashion. He took her to breakfast knowing that once home, he wouldn't have any time with her; when her friends found out she was back.

Mia said, "Christian, there is something different about you. Have you found someone?"

Christian's embarrassment came out. He couldn't tell her much due to his straight line thinking because Anastasia was going to become his submissive only. Mia's girlish enthusiasm rubbed off on him. Mia and Anastasia were just a few months apart in age; Mia the wild child and Ana the serious one, but he didn't know if that was true. Anastasia's giggles made his world light up.

"I may have met someone. I don't know where the relationship is going and, besides that, it's too early to call."

"Does she have a name, or is she just a figment of your imagination."

"No, she's real. Her name is Anastasia Steel. She is your age, just graduated from WSU Vancouver. Both mother and Elliot have met her."

"I can't wait to meet the girl who has captured my brother's heart."

Then the brat told their parents at dinner about Ana, something new for Christian, he felt embarrassed. But his older brother Elliot, the golden boy of family, decided to invite Katherine, Anastasia's roommate, the following night to dinner. He had been sexually entwined with Kate since the night they rescued Ana from the bar. In an effort to prolong Ana's Sunday with him, Christian told his mother that Anastasia would be coming to dinner too.

Christian had always lived by rules that he set up when he started having submissives. Their contact was supposed to be limited to Christian. No contact with his family, or his business associates, only people the women knew before becoming his submissive. He knew he was breaking every rule that he had set, but Anastasia wasn't his submissive yet. She had met his mother once that was his only rationalization. But he had broken the rules!

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **She is here!

**Date: **May 27 2011 13:07

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

She moved to Seattle yesterday. Wow! We're in the same city!

Why am I so excited? Is excitement an emotion? She is going to give me an answer today. I'll write more later. Whoa! She is here in the apartment and soon in my arms.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

On Monday around noon Ana had just left to get ready for her interviews; she still had not told Christian what publishers she had intern interviews with. It was lunch time, and he hoped to catch Dr. Flynn in.

"Hi, John, hope you had a great getaway with your family." Christian smiled into his phone.

"Thank you for emailing me; I've enjoyed your sexcapades. But you have made me so damn mad at times; I needed to call _my_ shrink. Before you give me the latest installment of the Christian and Anastasia saga, did my emails help at all?"

"John, yes…maybe…well…but I find myself so wrapped up in Anastasia that my logical brain doesn't work when I'm around her. So I guess you'll be glad to know that I have an emotional brain. I don't understand it, I'm sure Ana must think I'm a madman. I'm on a swing, swinging from logical to emotional in a nanosecond. What do you want to know, you always want to know something?"

John rubbed his chin at the same time Christian was doing the same. "Did she sign the contract?"

"No, I told her not to sign it until she got back from Georgia. She is flying there tonight to see her mother."

"Is she from the South?"

"No, her mother is on husband number four. Her birth father is dead and Ana lived most of her teenage years with her step-father who lives in Montesano, Washington. Oh, that would be husband number two, Ray Steel. Ana took his last name."

"How do you feel about Anastasia going to see her mother?"

"Now we get the emotional or feeling part. I hate it. I even asked if I could go along and she told me no. I'm nervous she won't come back." His voice cracked with uncertainty.

"If she didn't, you could always go hire another sub," John said in his most sarcastic voice.

Christian was completely taken aback and said, "Funny, I don't want anyone but her."

"What if she doesn't want your lifestyle?"

"I think of that every day. I think she wants me and shows me. I've never allowed a woman to kiss me and yet, she grabs my face and kisses me with such passion that all I can do is surrender to her. Does that mean she wants me?"

"Christian, old man, you don't have a clue. She wants you so badly that it is probably excruciating for her not to touch you."

"John, she even asked how I would feel if I couldn't touch her. The only word that came to mind was unbearable. I want her to touch me, but I just can't bring myself to allow her to do so. I'm fucked-up. She did let me take her into the playroom and tie her up, giving her overwhelming orgasms. I wore her out and then had to wake her up to take her to dinner at my parents' house."

"What the fuck, Christian," John yelled into the phone. Christian had to take the phone away from his ear momentarily. "You want her as your submissive to tie up and abuse, but then you take her to meet your parents. Did you take other submissives to meet your parents? Of course not! You keep pressuring her to sign the contract and then introduce her to your parents as the bitch that kneels in the corner naked until you call on her to perform kinky sex acts."

"That's not an accurate description of what a sub does." He tightened his legs to protect himself, "I do see your point, John, but I haven't been able to get the logical brain to work out all the details. My family loves her, as everyone was gushing over her as we left. I was angry and mad at her."

"Do I really want to know why you were angry and mad at her?"

"I know this is going to sound childish and stupid, but we went to my parents' house, and she was not wearing panties. That is another long story. When I tried to feel her thighs, she closed her legs to me under the table. She is the first woman who has ever closed her legs to me. Then I carried her later out to the boathouse to give her a spanking, but she told me no, she didn't want to get spanked." He yelled, "She told me NO!"

"Welcome to the real relationship world, my dear boy, since you have never been in one. Women hate to be told what to do. None of your subs could speak and Anastasia speaks her mind freely all the time. I bet you even got hotter and madder when she said no. Whether you like it or not, I think you're in the real world of relationships. She'll never be your submissive, no matter how hard she tries. I just don't think she has it in her to let you dominate. Why would you humiliate her in front of your parents? Is this part of the sicko Christian Grey's rule book? Also, I know she slept in your bed. What the hell are you doing, Christian?"

"I feel you are pressuring me, John, and I should hang up, but why should she stop my hand going up her thigh?"

John was really mad yelling again into the phone, "Have you heard of words like modesty, personal space and, for God sake's, embarrassment? She was a virgin up until a week ago; what if she were rubbing your penis under the dinner table with her parents sitting there? Would you spring it forth and let her suck it off under the table? Think, Christian, you are humiliating her."

"Well I never thought about humiliating her. And sometimes I don't even remember her being a virgin the sex has been so phenomenal. I really do know how to demean her, and I don't mean sexually. Why would she let me degrade her in this way?"

"Because she is in love you, and she would let you debase her at every turn if it meant she could have you."

"How can she love me when I'm a real nasty son-of-a-bitch? Now that you have raked me over the hot coals, all I want is her, but I can't seem to stop my need to control her. What am I going to do? Maybe I need to give her space and some for me too."

"Christian, what do you see in your future? Is she there in your arms, or are you alone hugging a ghost?"

In a very sad and lonely voice, Christian said, "I'll think about that and get back to you. Thanks John, I'm glad I caught you in. Bye."

When he hung up, he had a tear running down his face. He was lost and alone in that moment and he wanted nothing more than to find Anastasia, kiss her, and make love to her until next year. But his logical brain kicked in, and he went off to work after eating lunch.

Taylor, Christian's bodyguard/driver/secret keeper was driving to the airport in Hilton Head, South Carolina with his usual proficiency. Christian had been on the phone since they started their drive in Savannah, Georgia.

"John, I hate leaving messages, but I want to know if Mrs. Jones is okay…"

"Hi, Christian, I was ending a session. I talked with Mrs. Jones a little while ago and she is doing fine. She is upset, but will call if there are any lingering problems. No word on Leila, and I'm sorry that this has gotten in the way of your time with Anastasia. When can you come see me? We need a face to face."

"What time do you have free tomorrow," Christian asked.

"I could fit you in early morning, would you like to do breakfast?" John answered hoping he could have face time with Christian.

"Sure, I'll meet you at that café in your building at 7 or 7:30?"

"I'll be there at seven." John answered.

"Anastasia is wonderful. See you in the morning; bye, John"

Christian and Taylor arrived back in Seattle at the Escala to his penthouse in the early afternoon. He went into the study and Taylor went to find Mrs. Jones.

"I looked in the kitchen for you, Gail, and you weren't there."

She ran to his arms and started to cry. "I didn't know how she broke in, but she was right in front of me in the kitchen…she came out of thin air. Maybe I'd seen her before, but I don't think so. I believe she had spent weekends with Mr. Grey. She wandered around the kitchen not giving me any thought like I was a ghost. I knew that Ryan was here for security, and Sawyer was at Grey House for a meeting, I think. But no one came to the kitchen to help. I was alone with a mad woman. At least that is how she appeared… dirty, wild eyes, and barely audible. She knew where the knives were, and took out a knife, cutting her left arm open. She dropped the knife and I grabbed a kitchen towel and wrapped her arm. Still no Ryan showed up at the foyer, so I drove her to the ER, myself. I called Dr. Flynn, but she escaped before he got there."

Taylor said, "When Mr. Grey told me about Leila, it was all I could do to keep the panic down in my voice. I left you three messages, but you didn't call me back. Gail, you look beautiful and I love you."

Taylor kissed her passionately there in the foyer.

"Jason Taylor, you need a shave, and maybe you could stand a shower too. I'm glad you're home, and I can't wait until we go to bed tonight. I just want you to hold me in your big strong arms and have you tell me everything is alright."

"My beautiful blonde Gail, everything is alright and I'm home. Hopefully, Miss Steel won't have the need to run off to Timbuktu or Pago Pago; I'll be in town for awhile. I'll go clean up for you. That is the trouble with having a heavy beard; you need to shave a lot."

"I like your beard, buzz cut, and your hard body." She gave him a passionate kiss, and Christian came in the foyer and backed up in surprise. Then he called out for Taylor, and Gail scurried away.

After Taylor answered, Christian told him he was going to Grey House and to be ready in half an hour.

Christian was so involved with his work that afternoon he only took time to answer Ana's emails.

He had a fitful night's sleep, and longed for her touch until he got out of bed at five in the morning. He knew he should have slept more, but longing and desire did nothing to relieve his feelings of doom and dread.

Taylor dropped Christian off at seven for his breakfast meeting with Dr. Flynn, and then he went to put gas in the SUV and check the tires. Taylor thrived in his position and always paid attention to the smallest details. That's what made him so good at his job.

"How are you, John?" Christian said as he sat down. "I know I've added to your work by dumping Leila in your lap, so to speak."

"If you're here about Leila, I know nothing more than you. But first you need to tell me about her. I know it isn't a subject you want to talk about."

"What do you want to know?" Christian said irritated, "I sent you the form with all of her personal information."

"I want to know what you remember of her personality. Birthdates and employment history do little to help me understand what is happening to her now."

The waitress brought coffee, and they ordered breakfast so there would be fewer interruptions.

"Leila was with me for a year. She was always fun-loving and eager to please. I must admit Leila was the most beautiful women that I took on as a submissive. That is not one of my criteria for choosing a sub. She was happy, outgoing and always up for a challenge. When she left, it was a blow to my ego that she could so easily dismiss me and get married. It happened within a month. It was in the contract that she was to see no one but me, or have sex with anyone. Of course, you and I have discussed the contract many times, and it was not enforceable by any police department. I had no way of knowing she was cavorting with someone else."

"Did you love her, sleep with her; have sex in places other than in the playroom?"

"None of the above, when I told you that I'm having firsts with Ana, I meant it."

"Just checking, Christian, you have led an unusual lifestyle. Now, what about Ana?"

He replied, "You know me too well, John," he said as he rubbed both hands through his clean copper hair. "I came to tell you what happened to me in Savannah." He sipped his coffee.

"First, I should tell you on Tuesday night, I had dinner with Elena. I even emailed Ana and told her. Why? I don't know, but let me tell you Ana gave me a whole lot of shit. Backing up, first, Elena encouraged me to go to Savannah. I wanted to go anyway, but she told me it was a good thing. I know I should have called you, but I didn't feel the need to explain my actions. In the end, I'm here explaining my actions. I'm not being very articulate because, when it comes to Anastasia, I'm tongue-tied."

John just smiled as the waitress poured more coffee.

"I flew down to Savannah and stayed at a very nice hotel, and who should be in the bar when I went in after dinner; but Anastasia and her mother, Mrs. Carla Adams, a very attractive young forty-something woman. I was shocked - so shocked – that I sent Ana an email asking her how many cosmopolitans she'd had. She was so cute with her mouth gaping open as I sauntered toward them. My heart was racing she could have rejected me, and I would have gone back to the airport and flown home. Instead, I had a quick drink and told the bartender to charge their drinks to my room, giving him the room number. I was never more floored when later there was a knock at the door and it was Anastasia. She looked so hot and desirable. I was on a business phone call and was doing my best to get off so I could take her in my arms and kiss her. I hardly kissed my subs, especially the last two."

Breakfast came, and Christian ate. John said, "I would ask how the sex was, but of course that would never be your problem," giving Christian a smirk. "Why are we having this conversation?"

Christian put down his fork "She told me she wanted more, and I gave her more; I took her soaring. She was absolutely giddy, and I was thrilled to have her restrained in the cockpit of the glider with me."

John actually started tapping his fork on his plate in frustration and when the waitress came with more coffee, he waved her off.

"She wanted to know about Elena and how I could see her again. She thinks Mrs. Robinson (Ana's name for her) is a pedophile and molested me when I was a teenager. Everytime I mentioned her name or tried to explain how she helped me out, her eyes turned from blue to green. She is jealous, something I just can't understand."

"Christian, you sometimes can be so obtuse. She loves you and feels this woman harmed you and made you the way you are. She is profoundly concerned because of you not wanting to be touched."

"Why does she need to know all this shit from my past? It's like I'm breaking free of the past everytime I see her and yet, she insists on dragging me back into it. I told her the _no touching_ was not from Elena, but she wants to know everything." He went back to eating.

"Christian, did you answer her questions, or did you avoid them like you do most of mine? How many ways can I put this to you? She is in love with you and wants to know every dark secret so she can bring light to it and heal you. Are you still pushing her to sign that damn contract? I want you to heed my words, Christian Grey. If she signs the contract you both will be miserable and disaster awaits."

Christian put his fork down and pushed his plate away. "Why would you say a thing like that?"

"She wanted you and you gave her more. You let her sleep in your bed; you introduced her to your parents - without panties." (Shaking his head.) "You're overwhelming her and then you want to punish her for some perceived line that she may cross. Can you control your desire to punish her? Can you control your lust? She wants the whole package – the whole…Christian. She wants hearts and flowers and happily ever after."

"How do you know this, John?"

"My God, you're a dense man; she gave you her virginity! I didn't mean for my voice to grow louder, but you can be so damn frustrating."

"Oh that must be why I got such a peculiar response from Ana when I told her I was coming back to Seattle to handle a situation. That is what I called her virginity before I took it from her, a situation."

For the first time, John knew he had made Christian think differently about Anastasia. He watched as Christian's demeanor changed like the air had been let out of a balloon.

"When will you see her again?"

"Anastasia is flying home today." He was now rubbing his smoothly shaven chin. "I'll think long and hard about what you said. I told you I get tongue-tied, but I think between the two of you, I'm hog-tied." He threw money down on the table for the bill and went outside in disgust just as Taylor pulled up.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Fucked-up

**Date: **June 4 2011 23:47

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

Fucked her, Beat her and she left me!

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc

CHAPTER - 2

Dr. Flynn did not receive the email until nearly nine on Sunday morning. He went to his wife and said, "Christian is in a bad way, and I need to find him. I'm sorry about our day."

His wife Rhian said, "I know patients need you at different times, but you and Christian are different. He is a friend and, with that knowledge, he could hurt you. Please be careful because he doesn't always respect your boundaries or your help. You know I love you because of your capacity to help people. Go! The boys and I'll be fine."

He gave her a kiss and was out the door before she could even say good-bye. He went to Christian's. He rang the apartment from the lobby, and Taylor answered.

"Hi, Taylor, is Christian in?"

"Come on up; I need to talk with you before you talk with Mr. Grey." Taylor gave Flynn the elevator code, and he went up to find Taylor waiting in the foyer. "He's in bad shape. How did you know?

"He sent me a very cryptic email. Did Anastasia really leave him?"

"Yes, they're both broken. I drove Anastasia back to her apartment yesterday morning and she was completely devastated. Mr. Grey went out to a gala last night without her and came home drunk and started to beat himself, I guess with the same belt he used on her. I'm glad that you're here."

"Let's go somewhere and talk; will he be okay by himself for awhile?" Taylor nodded.

Taylor showed Dr. Flynn into his office, fully equipped with every high-tech gadget known to man. "Last night, I was asleep with Gail, you know, Mrs. Jones the housekeeper. I told Christian about our blossoming affair last night whether he comprehended that we're sleeping together or not, is beyond me. I was in my room sleeping with Gail when the phone rang. I'm not sure if you're aware, but we've added extra security because of the Leila situation. The guard on duty in here reported that he had seen Mr. Grey almost fall down in the foyer, breaking a bottle of booze, and asked what he should do. I told him that I would check on Mr. Grey and make sure he was alright. Gail asked if there was going to be trouble, for she knew Anastasia had left."

He continued after a thinking pause, "I knew this was going to happen when Miss Steel came into his life. Mr. Grey is not equipped to handle the emotions of love. He must have hurt her in some way and now can't deal with it. I went to find him and make sure he did no harm. I told Gail to please stay in my bed and I would be back sooner or later and if it was later, it would give me great comfort to know she is safe and warm. She told me she would stay and being with me had been a highlight of living here. She asked for a kiss, which I gave to her. I don't know why I just told you that. I don't normally tell anyone about my private life, but the man in there is broken, and I don't want to end up like that."

John said, "You see, Taylor is that your first name?"

"No, it's Jason."

"Thank you, Jason; you could never end up where Christian is because you're willing to love. Poor Christian has no skills to deal with love. I better to go to him. If I need to ask you more questions later, that's alright with you?"

Jason nodded his head.

Christian was sitting on the U-shape couch deep in thought when Dr. Flynn entered, not wanting to disturb him. Christian was thinking why did Anastasia leave me? Why did I beat her with a belt of all things? I could have used a cane. Her flesh would have stung more, but a heavy belt, with all of the pressure, left a more lasting impression. Could I have eased her into the lifestyle with just a little more thought instead of being so fucking physical? Why was she so willing to do this with me when she was so young and sexually inexperienced?

"Christian," Flynn called softly and when he looked up, John could see his tear-stained face.

"What are you doing here?"

"What did you expect me to do when you send me a cryptic message like, "I fucked her, beat her, and she left me."

"Did I do that?" His eyes blinked at him.

"Christian, please tell me what has happened. You need to get it out."

"Anastasia walked out on me yesterday, almost 24 hours ago." He looked at his watch in bewilderment. "Then I reverted back to old habits that I thought I had conquered years ago. Who was this woman, this very young woman whom I had deflowered a short time ago? I've had women before, but she was different. She took a piece of this soul when she went out to the elevator in the foyer. I know that I have wounded Anastasia more than physically. There were no broken bones or even broken skin for anyone to see, but I knew the hot pain on her ass would not go away for days." He paused thinking staring off into space.

"I guess I should tell you that last night I went to the gala for the Seattle Art Museum Annual Fundraiser. Anastasia was supposed to accompany me, so all night there was an empty chair next to me. I thought that this would be our first public outing. The more I sat alone, which was no surprise to anyone because I always attend these functions alone, it became unbearable. I started drinking gin and tonic and continued my drinking once I got home. I sipped on gin, leaving out the tonic. I continued my drinking from the bottle, dropping it along the way as I climbed the stairs to the Red Room of Pain. That is what she called the playroom. I was beyond drunk."

Just then, Mrs. Jones brought in coffee and fresh blueberry muffins. John nodded for her to come in.

Christian smiled and thanked her. I'm sure Mrs. Jones had never seen him in such a condition. Christian's manners kicked in pouring John a cup of coffee. Then he started talking again after a long slow sip of coffee.

His voice was expressionless. "I'm sure you want me to go on and I guess you're right; I need to talk this out. I went up to the playroom and started to flog myself. If I gave her six lashes of the belt, then certainly I could take eighteen or twenty-four. I whipped myself, and I must admit it hurt like hell, even in my drunken state. Poor Ana, what the fuck did I do to her? How could I drive her away?"

He started to cry; John went and found some tissues. He had never seen Christian cry. With the high glass walls and the sun streaming in, it was rather surreal with Christian's tears; it appeared to be raining indoors.

"I did not hear when Taylor entered. He knew he could be fired for invading my privacy; but, in spite of that, he entered my own private hell-hole. I guess he saw me flogging myself with the belt - the very same belt - I used on my beloved Ana. My back, I assume, was red with belt marks from the heavy piece of leather. I screamed everytime the belt hit my skin. I vaguely remember screaming something like, 'How could she have endured so much pain without saying a word?'"

"Taylor called out, "Mr. Grey." I did not stop, for there was another crashing blow to the back. I was drunk. Taylor grabbed the belt before I could make contact with my skin again. I think I fell to the floor. The belt buckle wrapped around Taylor's knuckles, breaking his skin. He grabbed me in one motion pulled me to my feet, and walked me out of the Red Room of Pain to the staircase, and then he locked the door, I think. He got me down to my bedroom, leaving blood droplets as a trail that I found this morning. All I could do was stare at the blood. Taylor got me into bed, and then went for an ice pack for my back to take down the swelling. When he placed the ice pack in a towel on my back, I guess I relaxed. I think he stayed with me."

John ate a muffin and then encouraged Christian to continue after several minutes of silence.

"Around five, I woke up in terrible pain – more from the hangover than the throbbing pain in my back. The swelling had gone down. Taylor got another ice pack and some Advil to cut the pain. I asked him what he was doing in my bedroom. I asked if we had been in a fight, for that seemed the logical explanation.

"Taylor told me that he found me upstairs flogging myself with a belt, and he took it from me before I could do anymore damage. The belt buckle had cut his knuckles, and that's why they were all taped up. He thought that I should be in bed so I wouldn't do any more harm to myself. He asked if I was sorry that Miss Steele left me, and then he said, "Who could blame her under the circumstances?" He told me that in the past he never wanted to know what went on in the room upstairs because it was my private business. I hired him to protect me, but he never dreamed he would be protecting me from myself."

Christian looked at John blankly, "What has that woman done to me?"

Dr. Flynn said quietly, "I think the question should be what have you done to her? Do you want her back, or do you want someone else to punish?"

"I think Taylor asked me the same question, and I told him; Yes, I want her back, but how would she come back after what I had done to her. I told Taylor that I knew what I'd done had changed our relationship of employee/employer into something different. It would never be the same. I think he has lost all respect for me."

"John, Taylor told me the same thing you told me, he had seen her with me over the past two weeks and that she was in love with me. He thinks she will come back if I promise never to beat her again. I think Taylor must have been channeling you. Kinky sex was one thing, but to physically abuse a woman was another. The most astounding thing he said was that I was a better man than that. We agreed to call each other by our first names in private. I have to be thankful he was here last night, or I might be having this conversation from a hospital bed."

"Next, I asked for his opinion about what to do with Anastasia…Taylor made a confession - he was sleeping with my housekeeper. Why the fuck would I care who he was sleeping with? But thinking about it, it's probably natural - they spend so much time together. At this moment, I'm actually happy for them...they deserve to be happy. Why can't I find happiness?" As a tear ran down his face as he looked at John.

"Taylor told me to do nothing, just give her time to gain some composure. He reminded me that I'm scheduled to take her to Portland next week for the opening of José's photography show and to call her the night before to make arrangements. Don't beg; just ask if she is still willing to go. He felt that it was most important to keep myself busy, and get some rest. Don't become a stalker; give her time and respect. Then he said another remarkable thing, she would be in my bed before long. That was the end of his advice. Before he left, he did say he never wanted to witness my self-flagellation again. What do you think, dear Dr. Flynn, am I so fucked-up that I'm irredeemable?"

"I'm surprised that, in your drunken stupor, you could remember so much detail, but your mind is like that. Taylor's a good man who gave you good advice, but we need to talk. I'll ask questions, and you give me your best answers with no bullshit or flights of fancy."

Christian got his shit together, blew his nose and poured both us another cup of coffee, even took a bite of Mrs. Jones' excellent muffin.

Christian turned his square jaw and squared his shoulders, looking deeply with his gray eyes at Dr. Flynn and asked, "What do you want to know?"

Flynn knew this Christian Grey with his determination of a prize fighter and yet a willingness to explore the damage done to his psyche.

"Would you start by telling me what happened the day before yesterday? You were so happy that she was coming back home."

Christian took another sip of coffee and another bite leaning back into the white leather U-shape couch. "I was so happy that she was going to be here, and I really did forget about the "damn contract" as you call it. But as the day wore on with no news about Leila, I became more frightened. It was a fear I'd not known before. Then Anastasia was here in my arms, in the shower, and the penthouse felt like home again. She was mine once again. We went to the Red Room of Pain after dinner and had mind-blowing sex. She went to sleep in my bed, and, around five, she woke to find me at the piano in a melancholy mood. I've tried to keep her away from my dark side, but yesterday morning it came out on her body."

Christian stopped talking, and then looked in John's eyes with bewilderment. John let him be alone with his thoughts for a moment. He could feel Christian's growing agony as all the pain almost contorted his body.

"We talked about punishment, and she played this game with me that, if I could catch her rolling her eyes at me or biting her lower lip, then I could punish her. Both of those actions drive me crazy. Then, out of the blue, she consented to me punishing her. I was so excited my hard-on was pushing against my pants. I took her gleefully, with her permission, to the playroom. Why did I use a belt? A cane would have hurt more, but the belt seemed the right choice for introducing her to punishment. It would be heavy enough to feel the pain without leaving marks. There were six lashes, and I made her count. How I came up with that number I'll never know. I didn't know she was crying until the last lash hit her. Then she wouldn't let me touch her and called me a fucked-up son-of-a-bitch. I knew I had lost her in that moment."

Christian started to cry again. His chest was heaving under the weight of what he had done to Anastasia. It was the only time Flynn had touched Christian Grey other than handshakes. He looked up and was deeply lost.

"I found her awhile later after looking all over the house, crying her heart out, and then she said something that blew me away. She told me she had fallen in love with me. I recoiled from her because I'm not worthy of her love. I let her walk away. How could I let her walk out the door? She gave back everything that I had given her. I've no way to communicate with her. Please, how do I make this pain go away? I've never experienced that kind of anguish before." He rubbed his face and knew of nothing else to say.

"You need to see me every day until your anguish goes away or she comes back. Christian, would you beat her again, and why do you think she allowed such a savage beating?"

He took his time answering while he stared into his hands. "John, of course, I would never touch her body again except to worship and adore her. We both know why she allowed it, because she loves me and I told her over and over again that's what I needed to be satisfied."

John couldn't be angry at him since he was in so much pain. "Are you satisfied now, Christian?"

"Yeah, look at the great Christian Grey who has turned into a sniffling toad. The only way I'll ever be satisfied again is if she wants me and comes back. I tried to give myself to her while I was carrying on about all the sub/dom shit. I never thought it was possible to think or feel without it. Yet, I'm feeling right now. Was everything I did just behavior I learned, or am I really that fucked-up? I'm surprised that I'm even discussing this with you. I think, for the first time in my life, I want her more than I want the lifestyle, but how could I have change so fast?"

"Christian, I've been telling you for the last two years that the submissive/dominant relationship was a learned behavior. If you learn it then, you can unlearn it and develop new ways to behave. You have that kind of power. If there were a major problem at Grey Enterprise, you would rise to the occasion and overcome your frightening fears at the moment. You know how to conquer fear for you've done it all your life."

"Will she come back to me?"

"If you give her space and don't go all stalker James Bondage on her."

"My, you use such colorful language, Dr. Flynn," Christian smirked at him.

Flynn could see that Christian had returned from the depths of hell. "We have made progress here, but we need to do more work before you see her again, or you will just implode at the sight of her. Tomorrow we are going to talk about your submissives. This is a critical step in your journey. You have had a major breakthrough. It was a hell of a way to get here, but I assure you, Christian, you have made real progress. Everytime you think of your pain, just concentrate on her pain. You have me; who does she talk to? But she signed a NDA and can't talk to anyone. I'll have Addie call you in the morning with a time I can fit you in. Please come to the appointment, so we can start working for real change."

Christian stood up and stretched, then shook his head like he was shaking off cobwebs. "Thanks, John, I feel lost, but, as you would say, at least, I'm feeling."

They shook hands, and Christian went into the study. Taylor accompanied Flynn down in the elevator, "Should I be worried, Dr. Flynn?" Taylor said.

"Yes, I'm worried about Christian. After speaking with him, I know he'll be okay. I know he is not inclined to suicide. He's very depressed and not accustomed to feelings like he is having now. Does he have the need to leave the house today? Could you get him out of this fortress into some sunshine and fresh air?"

"I'll try. What about poor Anastasia? Should I check up on her?"

"No, I believe she is strong and will find her equilibrium soon. And if you went to check on her, she would think Christian sent you. We have to have faith that they'll find their way back to each other."

Monday, June 4, at 4:30 pm Christian made his way to Dr. Flynn's office. It's a ritual he had done many times, but this time instead of feeling like an errant boy he, felt like a man in desperate need of help. Flynn's office had calming pale green walls that Christian always liked. The furniture was like a men's club - formal and stuffy - with two leather wingback chairs and two formal green couches. The finishing touches to the office were a beautiful Persian style rug over the carpet and throw pillows on the couches to add just a hint of color. The room was large and, at other end, was his desk turned so he could see out of the windows.

Christian sat across from Flynn in one of the wingback chairs. John was well groomed; with his straight nose he looked rather aristocratic. He gave off the air of a gentleman, but with his handsome face and smile, he was very down to earth. Then you add in his shoulder length black hair and dark blue eyes, and you knew he could be a bit of a rogue.

"I sent Anastasia flowers on her first day at her new job."

"What did the card say?"

"Oh, Anastasia, I love you and will take you any way I can get you"

Flynn's mouth literally dropped open. Christian gave him a wicked smile. "No, I congratulated her on first day of work, hoped everything went well. Then I thanked her for the glider and told her it had a place of honor on my desk. No pushy crap. Did I tell you she bought me a model of the glider we flew in Savannah? It was a _mother_ to put together, but I loved the challenge, and it kept me focused on the task at hand; and, if she returns, then I'll be proud to show her. I know this is not what you want to talk about. Fire away."

"I'm glad you're calmer than yesterday - and what a thoughtful thing to do…to send Anastasia flowers. What kind of flowers?"

"White roses for her purity I guess. She…Um"

"Christian, the more you figure out who you are, the easier it will be for you to answer her questions when she returns. So please tell me why you and Elena broke it off. I know this is a hard first question, but it'll help us figure out all the rest."

"You don't fuck around, do you, John?" Christian flashed his anger. "You know that relationship went on for over six years. Sometimes I was with her weekly and sometimes monthly. When I went to college, the time and miles kept us apart mostly for months. After dropping out of Harvard, I thought we would keep up the same sub/dom relationship. I'll never tell Ana this, only you. I just told her Elena's husband found out and that's what broke off the relationship. The truth be told, I'm the one who ended that sick tryst. Elena had used a whip on me over the years. It was my least favorite form of torture. When I walked into her room that day she was whipping it around the room and then made it crack on the floor, just like she had done on my skin dozens of times. I need some water."

John came back with a bottle of water he knew this was going to be difficult for both Christian and himself. Christian gulped down half the bottle.

"Something in me snapped; I wasn't going to be whipped by her or anyone else. I took the whip out of her hand, and then I placed the whip around her hands behind her back. She looked at me in horror. I've never known the kind of rage I felt for her that day. I stripped off her pants and underwear as she became excited. I went to her tool chest and took a ball gag out and forced it into her mouth, none too gently. I shoved her onto the floor with my foot. I commanded her to spread her legs wide apart, like she had told me to do so many times. I don't know if I can tell you what I did next."

John just looked at him with compassion as he drank his water. It took a few minutes for Christian to speak because he was struggling internally.

"I went again to her tool chest, this time grabbing a condom. I took off my clothes and played with myself in front of her until I was hard. She even crawled over to me, rubbing her face on my leg. I watched her eyes light up as I rolled on the condom. I shouted for her to assume the position and she did, like a good submissive. I bit her ass hard on one side and then the other, leaving teeth marks on her behind. Then I did something I have never done since. I fucked her in the ass with no lubrication other than what was on the condom. I could hear her muffled screams as I brutalized her. I…didn't…give…a…shit. It was over very quickly. It was too painful for me as well as her. I pulled out of her, but the condom was still stuck inside. I used my little finger to fish it out, with all the blood that followed. I stood up, shoved her to the floor, not looking at her tear-stained face. I took a shower, got dressed, untied her hands, grabbed her hair and said, "Don't call me, you fucking bitch." I watched her head hit the floor. I took the whip off her wrists and walked out the door. That was the last time I had sex with her. Oh, I forgot to tell you I said if she ever touched me again I would kill her. If you think I was fucked-up before, you know I'm fucked-up now."

He stopped taking.

"Christian, I think that's the most courageous defilement I've ever heard. What you did to her is what she did to you at fifteen, only hers was rape. No wonder it was hard for you to reconcile the abuse you took as a teenager with the abuse you gave her. Christian, I certainly don't condone violence in any way, shape, or form, but your courage to do that to your abuser was admirable."

"Fuck you, Flynn, making that day out to be heroic. I couldn't take another day of the whip. Oh fuck! That's just how Anastasia felt when she walked out the door. Good for her. She has more guts than I ever did. Wow, I didn't expect that kind of light bulb moment, as Oprah would say. Maybe she'll come back if I promise not to hit her, but she likes to get spanked. Is that off limits too?"

"I think you need to ask her. Are you becoming clear on what kind of relationship you want with her?"

"I'd say any relationship she wants, but that is not what you're asking. I want her to love me and, hopefully, I'll be able to tell her those words soon. I want to build a family with her when we're ready. I still want kinky fuckery when she wants it. Why do you think I had all those submissives, just to prove to myself that I could fuck them without hurting them like I had hurt Elena?"

"I think you've answered your own question. You're bright. What happened with your last two subs?"

"After Leila, something ended in me. Not that I wanted a relationship with her, but she easily found someone to replace me, who didn't put demands on her like I did. The next woman who came along barely lasted the three months. She was a school teacher who needed to be spanked. She cared more about the beatings than the sex. One night I couldn't hit her enough, and she left the next day. The last one, Susannah, only lasted a month. I masturbated a lot after she left, and that was two months before Ana. I guess I just couldn't use someone like that again. When Anastasia stumbled into my life, I wanted her in the worst way from the moment I saw her. She was clumsy, awkward, and could look right through me. I pushed her into the whole sub/dom thing because I knew no other way. Now I see that, by having her in the Red Room of Pain, I wasn't giving her a chance to mature. I saw her as willing but, if I kept her for months, dominating my will over her, she would not have the ability to grow and give me pleasure. I want her to touch me, but I'm so petrified. Will she be able to touch me ever?"

"Look what a break through you've had this afternoon. I believe if you want her to touch you, then it will happen. I know you're growing by leaps and bounds, but relax, Christian, and don't push; that is my job."

"I know, John, but this crushing need inside me wants to rush to break down her door, sweep her up into my arms, and then drag her by the hair back to my cave. What is this need inside me?"

"You know what the need, want, yearning is all about. You just don't want to admit to yourself you're in love with her. You should have been in love at fifteen or sixteen, but Elena took it from you. Even Anastasia is bright enough to know that, when you're in love, your emotions take over, and most of your decisions aren't logical. I'll see you at the same time tomorrow. Are you going to rush over and break down her door?"

Christian was grinning with his bad boy look from ear to ear, "I would like to, but that would be for my needs, not hers."

"Good, I'll see you tomorrow at 4:30 and be ready to talk about your subs." John gave Christian a wink.

Christian stood up - stretching his 6'1" frame, then licked his lips, and was out the door. He felt better, but missed Anastasia like crazy.

Mrs. Jones had made him a nice grilled salmon steak for dinner; and he thought how much Ana would have loved it. This made him wonder if she was eating. Everywhere he turned the rest of night was someplace she had been. As he worked he listened to the radio when a song by Chris Isaak called, The New Girl from San Francisco Days San Francisco Nights came on. It reminded him of his lost Anastasia. The music was different from his usual type, but he had no usual type. It was homey, hearty, and soul stirring. He downloaded it to his iPod. Each song took him deeper in to his melancholy and, before he went to sleep, he wept for his love. Would she come back to him? He could function in the work world but, in his past, he created his own private world; a world that no one invaded. Now all he wanted was an invasion from Anastasia.

For his morning workout, he kick boxed with Claude, his personnel trainer, working at a fast pace just to keep his thoughts away from his chestnut-haired beauty. It was heartbreaking for him to be sitting at the breakfast bar without her. He put on a Navy blue suit and went to work. He wanted so badly to stay home, but somehow, without her, it wouldn't be the same. It would be too lonely. How could this all-consuming need for another human being take over his life?

When he entered Flynn's office, he was nervous, rattled, and anxious. His gray eyes were pleading. John looked at him in bewilderment.

"What has changed, Christian?" Flynn pointed for him to take a seat. Christian sat looking at him with hollow eyes.

"I haven't heard from her at all. She didn't thank me for the flowers. I just don't know what to do."

"Christian, you're working yourself up for nothing. If you rush her, it may take longer to be with you. You have been good about giving her space. Don't do anything foolish! What happened last night, when you left here? You were feeling better about yourself."

"Last night, everywhere I looked she had been in the apartment, on the breakfast bar stool, sitting next to me on the piano bench, and mostly in my bed. I could have sworn I smelled her scent, but Mrs. Jones had washed the sheets."

"Christian, I told you today we're going to talk about your subs. Did any of them ever eat at your breakfast bar or sit at your piano or sleep in your bed?"

Christian looked up and was on the verge of tears, "Yes, yes and no. Not one ever slept in my bed. I would never sleep with them in their bed which most found very dissatisfying. My subs it sounds like, was a bad club for wayward women. They ranged in age from twenty-five to thirty-eight. I started out with older women because I'd been comfortable with Elena. The first three were really my education on how to treat a submissive. The first one Marge, was a beautiful woman who stayed with me almost a year. She was lean, supple, and could endure more pain than any of my other submissives. She could come on command and only needed my touch to fulfill her. My wealth was growing; but she would never accept a gift of any kind. She was a lawyer in one of the prominent Seattle firms. Come to think of it, I did pay her for legal services once. Anastasia wrote that she felt like a whore when I gave her gifts. I was rude to her and told her to get used to it. Why do all roads lead back to Anastasia?"

John crossed his legs, after having them stretched out for a long time. "Christian, what was the point of having subs?"

"The point was to be able to sex with them, I guess!"

"Was that really the point or is that what you think I want to hear?"

"We both know what the point was so let's not play games. I wanted control over them so they would do as I say. I commanded them not to touch me and so they didn't. I could have them satisfy me at will."

"Did they give you fulfillment?"

"Why are you asking all these stupid questions? They're in my past." He said with increasing agitation.

"You know Anastasia is going to require you to answer these questions one day."

"Why…why would she want to know about all this?"

"Christian, sometimes you're so brilliant and yet, sometimes very dense. She loves you and wants to know the good, the bad and, most of all the ugly. She wants to flood the dark places with light. She wants to understand your need to control her and comprehend why you debase yourself. I didn't have you come in to explain your subs. I frankly know that women are your forte. You can play women like producing beautiful music. My question - is Anastasia's instrument enough for you to make beautiful music on for the rest of your life? Will she be enough?"

"I have done things with her that I have never done _with _another woman. I love to watch her body work with little beads of sweat appearing before her orgasms. I love to watch as she shatters, her analogy, is Icarus flying too close to the sun? I love to watch her unravel. With other women I would take my need, and they would have to wait to be satisfied. Just thinking about her makes me feels like going to her."

"Were you a virgin when Elena took you?"

Christian's anger rose from some place deep within him. "Where the fuck did that come from, John?"

"You told me about the end of your relationship; now I want to go to the beginning. Were you a virgin," he said slowly, calmly, and enunciating.

Christian stood up, went to the little fridge and got a bottle of water. John thought it was more of a stalling ploy than needing water but he waited patiently for him to start talking.

"I'd been fighting with other boys for months and had been kicked out of two schools when in the summer of my fifteenth birthday, Elena came into my view. I had not had sex, other than playing with myself, so yes, I was a virgin. At first, I thought I was in love with her, being my first time but the more she got into discipline the less it was about sex and the more it was about control. I mean, in the end, she would always fuck me but she always told me it was about discipline and self-control."

Christian started to cry. "I did the same thing to Anastasia." He wiped his eyes. "I think I'm one fucked-up son-of-a-bitch. I took the most precious gift from her and called it _a situation_. Oh…am I no better than Elena?"

"Christian, we do what we know. You'd never been confronted with a sexually inexperienced woman before. She had enough lust and want in her to give up her virginity freely. I don't think you did at fifteen. You were happy to be fucking, boys think with their penises, but young women think with their hearts. That is why you dispensed with her virginity without a second thought, you were thinking with your penis instead of your heart. Do you have a little inkling of what she gave to you and what Elena took from you? Do you possibly understand that, when Anastasia left, she felt like such a failure, for she could not give you what you needed? And do you now understand that, the last time you were with Elena, your humiliation and shame were gone and you left triumphantly? It was not rape, Christian. It was certainly not love, but it was victory over evil."

"We have never talked about Elena being evil, why now?"

"Because for the first time, you understand or are starting to understand, that what Elena did to you was wrong. Her twisted and controlling ways led you down a dark path. You controlled others as you were controlled. Now there is this lovely young woman who wants you for who you are and can see through all of your bullshit. Anastasia wants what is good in you, and Elena only wanted to drag you down into her evil underworld. Elena may have possibly fallen in love with you when you took controlled her. Soon you're going to have to make a choice between the two women."

Christian looked enraged. "I have already made that choice. Elena is no longer in my life."

"That is not true, Christian; you only had dinner with her less than a week ago and you're still business partners with her. How are you going to feel when Anastasia wants you to sever all ties with Elena?"

"Why would she ask me to do that?" He looked confused.

"Because she believes Elena is a pedophile who still exerts control over you."

"How could she think that? I don't have a sexual relationship with her anymore, we're just friends."

"Christian, you're still thinking with your penis instead of your brain. Elena is evil incarnate to Anastasia. The way she probably sees it, you wouldn't be this screwed up if Elena hadn't gotten her claws into you when you were a young boy."

Christian was pulling on his copper hair trying to defend the indefensible. "I don't know what to say. I still can't wrap my head around what Elena did to me and what I did to Anastasia."

"One last question and I'll let you go back to your wallowing. Did you have feelings of lust for Anastasia when you dispensed of her virginity?"

Christian leaned into the couch thinking. "If wanting her is an emotion, then I had very strong feelings for her. I was in Clayton's Hardware Store where she worked and I could barely keep my hands or lips off of her. Lust is a new word. Fucking and sex are both words I understand, but lust must go along with the longing that I have for her now. If beating her and making her leave have gotten me to the point to understand that I'm a contradiction of emotions, then I have to say it is worth it. I want her on her terms. I want her if it means I'll never have kinky fuckery again. Now you tell me how fucked-up that is."

"I don't think it's fucked-up at all. The last two days you have grown. You seem to understand that mistakes happen, and you can go forward. Anastasia is, and will continue to be, your salvation. Just don't push her; if you need me, I'm free the same time tomorrow, I'm going home and have a good stiff drink for, as usual, you have worn me out. Good night, Christian."

Christian gave him the same bewildered look he had walked in with but he at least felt that calm was replacing the turmoil inside.

Christian went back to his fortress in the sky, only to find no emails from Ana. He found no comfort or joy from Mrs. Jones' cooking; it was not even satisfying to him. By ten he was sitting on the bed in deep thought. It was the very bed where he had stolen Anastasia's virginity. He told her that he was going to rectify _the situation_. She never thought of her virginity as _a situation_. Had she? That night, their first night together, he told her to forget about the rules and then he begged her stay. Christian was out of his head crazy in love with her. Why in God's sake did he push that damn contract?

It was only ten o'clock; Christian's day never ended this early. Christian wanted to lie where she had been and he wanted to feel her there. He was not a monster and he didn't force her. She really did want him. He started to cry, turned off the light, pulled up the covers, and cried himself to sleep. Before dawn he woke screaming from a full-blown nightmare. He was a lost little boy and no one came for him. He was paralyzed in his bed. He longed for his life back with Ana. How could he have gone from a tormented child to a tormented teenager to a tormentor as an adult? He managed to fall back to sleep until eight, which was later than he wanted. Today was the day he was going to connect with Ana and hoped it wouldn't be met with overwhelming rejection. Could he take any more pain since he was already unraveling at the seams of his well-constructed life? How and where did Ana fit in?

June 8th at four-thirty Christian marched into Dr. Flynn's office. Christian had pulled himself together back to being his old self, but that was not quite right; for in that moment, he realized that he had changed forever.

"How are you doing Christian? You look different. Do you want to tell me why?"

"People think I'm such a beautiful man and that I could charm my way into the boardroom with such ease that no one suspected the dark torment that has ruled my life. I've controlled my image and have refined it as a formidable business man so well that no one (except Anastasia) has a hint of how well I could control my life, especially my sex life. I learned from Elena to be a submissive, to control my emotions - then I graduated to become dominant to control my sexual urges. Even though I would never consider using a prostitute, I did pay subs in the beginning; I have prostituted my submissives each time I used them. You know John, how carefully I have protected myself legally and physically so that there were never any surprises to contend with. I'd crafted my life and image into an impenetrable armor until a young woman wearing Walmart clothes stumbled into my office. From that moment, my life has changed."

There were no tears in his eyes as he looked at John. "What happened last night?"

"I cried myself to sleep that has never happened. Why can't I turn off the water works?"

"These tears are from the years you should have cried as a child and teenager. You bottled them up and forced yourself to keep them. Well, the dam has broken. You cry for Ana and for all of your pain from past years. Do you feel better?"

"Yes and no. I feel weak and vulnerable and confused. How can I put together multi-million dollar deals and be so frightened to send an email to this young woman? I was so afraid of her rejection. So when I did email her, I kept it short and professional. She will allow me to take her to her friend's gallery opening – this is the guy who got her drunk and tried to molest her. Now what? How do I act? How do I keep my hands off her and what do I say? I can't tell her about all this; it would be too overwhelming and she might feel I was laying a guilt trip on her. I want her back."

"Christian, think of it as a business situation turn on your business charm. Be positive and upbeat but, most of all, let your light shine through. You have come to some new realizations about your life and it is now you have to put them into practice. I think the most telling thing you said is that you prostituted your subs. Tell me why."

"John, that is easy; I never let them be who they were - only who I wanted them to be. I would bestow lavish gifts on them as a form of payment. I have even put one through medical school, while others; I've helped out with loans. Surprisingly, they have all paid me back. But I never let them know…me. They only knew the man who would snap his fingers and have them kneel for hours in only their panties until I was ready to use and/or beat them. What kind of cruel fucked-up person am I?"

"I think you need to change the last sentence to what kind of cruel fucked-up person _were_ you. Would you take on another sub if Anastasia never came back?"

Christian's face turned into pure unadulterated panic. "Is she not coming back?" (He calmed himself.) "To answer your question, NO; if Anastasia didn't want me, I would not crawl back into the darkness. I want someone; hopefully Ana, to care for me, touch me, and calm me down. I never knew I could be capable of lust, longing, and desire other than sexual. I still have many sessions to work out my feelings but I'm willing to become the man Anastasia wants and the man I need to be."

"Don't you think you will want to beat her when she crosses some invisible line or defies you?"

"Yes, I'm sure all those emotions are still there but I've learned to control my urges. When an asshole business man wants to screw my company, I can control myself not to beat the shit out of him. For years I gave credit to Elena for beating the shit out of me, thinking that she helped me control myself. Now I realize that kindness from someone might have done the same thing. Anastasia was right when she said Elena hurt me instead of helped me."

Christian stood up, took off his suit coat and tie, and went to the fridge for water - even asking John if he wanted one. John declined and noticed how Christian walked like a jungle cat, with grace and his sex oozing from ever pore. He was a beautiful man. This was the man Anastasia saw the first day they met. She was probably very contained, thinking Christian would pounce on her at any moment.

"What are you going to say to her when she enters your car tomorrow?"

"Well, I can't just pounce on her and take her in the backseat."

John just smiled at Christian like he was enjoying his own personal joke.

"What is so funny, John? I'm glad you're laughing at me."

"You have such grace, Christian, something I've failed to notice. In fact, I thought of you as a jungle cat ready to pounce."

Christian smiled his 1000-megawatt smile. "Today I feel like a wild beast stalking my prey. I can feel Ana's blood warming as we speak. I think if she hadn't left me I wouldn't feel this way. Not that I even have her back yet, but her leaving me has given me the opportunity to grow. How is that possible?"

"Christian, only the most overbearing pain could force you to think about your life. You grew into a man basically without emotions. Ana came along and gave herself to you with open arms and an open heart. You had no choice but to feel. I'm curious about how you felt after you beat her and then she told you that she loved you. I don't want your usual rhetoric about being unlovable. I want your feelings."

"Christ, John, what do you want? Blood? I felt so ashamed for this young woman who had the guts to tell me she loved me after I painfully hurt and humiliated her. Where in all the pain I inflicted on her could she find the words?"

"I suspect that she was more concerned about you than her own well being. She may have thought she was never going to see you again and wanted you to know. Anastasia even expressed concern over not being able to fulfill your needs with the sub/dom contract. Will you reassure her that she is enough for you?"

Christian had tears in his eyes "If I could change that night, I would, but I can't. I'll just have to prove to her every day we're together that she makes me feel complete. Now I need to bring up the elephant in the room, Leila. Do you think she is dangerous?"

"I still believe she is only dangerous to herself. Your man, Welsh, seems determined to find her. I know you want to help, Christian, but let's concentrate on one woman at a time."

For the first time in the session, Christian was running his hands through his beautiful hair.

"What do you want from tomorrow night?"

"I want to be with her without arguments or scenes. I want to make her feel safe and reassured. I don't think sex is a good idea until she feels safe with me. And I will not push her," he shouted.

"What about the damn contract?" John shouted back.

"What damn contract? I want her without rules, restrictions, or any other damn device that may cheapen the relationship; I want to be with her. How about that?" he said smirkingly.

"If you were a woman, I would say you have come a long way, baby, but for you, I would say, keep up the good bowling. Send me an email about tomorrow night or I'll save Friday at the same time. I'm here when you need me, Christian, as your doctor, friend, and mentor. I must say I'm extremely proud of you. You're becoming the man I always wanted to know."

Christian stood up grabbed his coat and tie, shook Dr. Flynn's hand, "Why do you always bring up Cricket when you are passing out complements?" and walked out with a smile on his face.

He walked back to the penthouse. He got the news as the elevator opened that someone had spotted Leila on the street following him home. Christian thought he had been pretty vigilant walking home but he was consumed by thoughts of Ana. He worked until one and went to bed. As he crawled into bed, he could almost feel Anastasia's arms around him. He slept without dreams until six.

CHAPTER - 3

When Christian arrived at Flynn's office, Addie, his assistant with her usual happy smile, told him to go right in. Addie had worked for Dr. Flynn since he came to America and helped set up his practice. She was plump, in her mid-fifties, and had recently been widowed. Her lively brown eyes covered her sadness well. She had a no-nonsense attitude but she also was caring and kind, bringing a sense of repose to the office. She loved Christian because he always treated her with respect unlike so many of Flynn's young male patients. Many of his young patients regarded her as an irrelevant fixture because of the gray flecks in her dark hair.

"Hi, John, I did it last night. I didn't overwhelm Anastasia when she got in the SUV but, I must admit, I absolutely scolded her because she hadn't eaten since last Friday. She's now officially skinny. After we got over my outrage, things settled down. She wore the beautiful plum dress that she had on at the Heathman Hotel to negotiate the contract the first time but now it hung on her instead of hugging her curves. As our conversation deepened, she told me how many tears she had cried. All I did was held her in my arms and kissed her hair to comfort her. When we got into the elevator taking us up to the helipad, the electricity was there between us again. I kept my cool."

"So how was it having her in Charlie Tango with you?"

"You know me, I loved having her all strapped in and watching me as I flew. It was beautiful at dusk and I pointed out things she hadn't seen when we came to Seattle the first time. My God, I think that's the happiest I have ever been in the air. Then we went to the gallery opening for José Rodriguez's Photography Show. I must admit that the boy is really talented. He did portraits of Anastasia that were breath taking. When I looked at them closely, I could see Ana so carefree and relaxed. It dawned on me that she was hardly ever like that with me. She has always been too intimidated to be really relaxed around me. I bought them all because I didn't want someone else ogling my Anastasia."

"Christian, what has happened? I can see something behind your eyes."

"I was furious at her for flirting with José. I think she realized that she has probably always been leading him on. No wonder the boy was trying to get his tongue down her throat that night at the bar. I didn't mean to admonish her but I did. We left the gallery and went to find a restaurant. I took her into the nearest alley and kissed her hard until she surrendered and kissed me back. In the moment we broke it off, we both were in heat wanting each other with passion and lust. I wanted to take her in a public alley in Portland, Oregon. What the fuck is wrong with me?"

He was smiling at John, who couldn't resist his joy or his infectious smile.

"We ate dinner but it was more of an exercise with me telling her to eat but when the food arrived she ate half her meal without complaint. On the ride home, Taylor wore his earbuds so he couldn't hear our conversation, which I was grateful for."

He drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I told her I wanted her without a contract - with no rules or other devices. She didn't believe me at first, but I tried to explain that I wanted her more than the lifestyle. I'm not sure she believed me."

"Christian, you know to take it slow, but the two of you fuck like rabbits and rabbits never take it slow."

Christian smiled, "I know that John but I'm hoping we can take it slow sometimes. Anastasia climbed into my lap and kissed my neck. She wanted to touch me and asked me why I didn't like to be touched. I told her about the pimp burning my skin with cigarettes when I was a boy. She was appalled. Before you tell me again about opening up myself to her – I've decided to answer her questions and stop protecting myself. She fell asleep in my lap; I mean sound asleep like she hadn't slept in days. I started to cry into her hair. She was safe and relaxed in my arms. Her warm body felt like home. This bright young woman wants me and only me. I think I was crying for joy for the first time in my life. I struggled to get out my handkerchief, not waking her up. She was exhausted and relaxed. I woke her when we arrived at her place. She was disappointed that we weren't going back to Escala. I gave her back the laptop, BlackBerry and a new iPad that I downloaded music to. I also downloaded apps related to the British Museum and English literature. I was hoping she could use the new apps at work. She emailed me telling me how much she loved it."

"Are you as calm as you seem, Christian?"

"Oh yes, just to have her fall asleep, so relaxed and safe, gave me hope for our future. My bitter tears and painful memories aren't deeply hidden anymore. Somehow I have to reconcile the painful and joyous Christian into one."

Just then Christian's BlackBerry went off and he texted someone back as John watched. This was a first for Christian because John always insisted on no interruptions.

"Sorry, John, that was Anastasia telling me to pick her up at a bar called Fifties. This is pretty fucked-up, she taking me to a bar called Fifties. Her boss took her there for a drink. I don't trust that _cocksucker_. That's a word I don't normally use, but he gives me the creeps and has a dubious reputation with the ladies. Fuck, that's the pot calling the kettle black," He smiled. "I know he is a lecherous son-of-a-bitch and he is lusting after my Ana. Got to go, John, have a good weekend and I'll check in with you next week."

"Take care, Christian, you're still very fragile. Will I be seeing you at the ball for your parents' charity tomorrow night?"

"Yes, I would have remembered once I took my face out of Anastasia's crouch. I seem to be solely focused on Ana and nothing else."

John shook his head thinking he had not seen this Christian Grey before.

June 11, 2011, Christian called Dr. Flynn. "John, I'm glad that I caught you in. Ana is in getting her hair cut. So much has happened since last night but the main thing is Leila has gotten a concealed weapon permit. Now she can buy a handgun. Also she showed up in front of the Seattle Independent Press (SIP) last night as Anastasia came out of work. She even fucking approached Anastasia."

"Calm down, Christian, are you both alright?" he said with his voice was full of concern.

"Yes, but I had to tell Ana everything, something I was trying to avoid. She has moved into the penthouse until we find Leila and get her the help she needs. Oh, I didn't tell you, but I told Ana last night - I bought Seattle Independent Press (SIP). She's really pissed off at me. I didn't think it would matter but it does to my very independent woman."

"You have no boundaries, Christian. She wants to prove to you that she's a capable person in your eyes. Anastasia will always wonder if she stays at that company if her promotions are due to her own capabilities or your interference. You're dense, obtuse, and impossible! Did you have sex with her," John says with annoyance in his voice.

"Of course, we can't keep our hands or mouths or body parts off each other. I ate vanilla ice cream off her body and it still gives me a chill thinking about it. Why did you want to know if we had sex?"

"Just wondered how deep her anger went."

"Not that deep but I really fucked-up this morning when I took her to Elena's salon because she wanted her hair cut. I was just happy to do something nice for her. After leaving the salon, I thought she would run away. Elena was even in the salon and we had a private conversation; when I looked back at Anastasia, she was about ready to explode. We had our conversation out on the street. She was blistering mad. She didn't need a belt to punish me for my stupidity. Then Welch, head of my security team, called and our conversation got sidetracked. Why do I seem to sabotage things with her when they are going so well?"

"Christian, you keep shoving Ana's face into your past life. Elena is a red flag for her. One of these days one or the other is going to get gored, metaphorically speaking. I bet you allowed Elena to touch you, which Ana probably saw. You don't allow Ana to touch you but the bloody pedophile can? Do know how gut wrenching that must have been for Ana!" He yelled.

Christian was silent a few moments and said, "I never looked at it that way. I have known Elena so long and, when we are together, it seems natural, but now I see I have wounded Anastasia again. Will I ever stop being so cruel to her?"

"You are in a real-world relationship and you are bound to hurt each other. The problem with you, Christian, is you have never had to think about someone's needs and feelings before your own. It will take time. Your romance has been a whirlwind and now you add in Leila who wants to hurt you or Ana or maybe both of you. Stay safe and I'll see you tonight. You know I'm looking forward to meeting the beautiful Anastasia Steel."

"Bye John, thanks for taking my call and see you later."

Christian picked up papers and went out to the great room to work. He was feeling reassured when Ana walked in with her beautiful chestnut hair, now layered and glowing with a new shine. Franco did a beautiful job on her hair. But he also was from Elena's Esclava Salon. Ana didn't trust him and didn't talk too much thinking that what she said might get back to the pedophile herself.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **What a fucking day

**Date: **June 12 2011 01:47

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

John, the Coping Together Charity Ball was wonderful. I don't think I have ever had so much fun in my life. Why do I feel like everything is the first time with Ana? I know it was her first time but I've been to a hundreds of similar events and yet having her there made it like the first time. Thank you for talking with me while Ana went to the restroom.

Do you really see her as sophisticated and shy? I can see the shy part and she does come across as polished but I don't think she sees herself that way.

I think we have more sex than talk but sex is a form of communication, isn't it? You were also right that we did duck out and have sex before the first dance.

How could you tell?

Now the hard part - I told you I needed to find Ana when she didn't come back to the dance floor. I found her with Elena who was looking so blonde and well put together. They were having a discussion - I think it was more of an argument. Taylor and Sawyer were watching Ana making sure she wasn't in harm's way.

How can that woman force herself upon poor Ana?

Ana walked out of the tent and then she stood there to see if I would follow her or return to the tent for Elena. Of course, I followed Ana.

She wouldn't tell me about the conversation, other than Elena said, if she hurt me again and then Elena would come after her. You're right when you told me I would have to make a choice and I'll always choose Ana.

Arriving home, Ana was dead on her feet but when we stepped into the foyer she woke up in a hurry. Taylor felt that Leila was in the apartment. I made Anastasia wait in the foyer with Sawyer and I went in to search for Leila even though I knew she might have a gun. Maybe it was stupid looking back on it but all I wanted to do was protect Ana. False alarm, thank God, but Ana's car had the tires slashed and paint thrown on it. What a mess!

My love is happily sleeping in _my_ bed.

John, I seemed to be wandering all over the place and most of the time I would be consisted and to the point, but so much has happened that I am just going to continue to ramble on.

Before we went to the ball – well…I should start back with Friday night. Ana gets so frustrated that she can't touch me that she said she should have a road map of the touch and no touch zones. Saturday afternoon I had her draw the road map on my body in red lipstick. I was terrified but my hand was on hers as she drew down the left side of my chest. Then I let her do the same on the right side without my hand on hers. When she did it alone, it wasn't as painful as I thought. It was even better if I had not held my breath. The back was much easier.

I'm trying in every way to give her more and it's still hard to realize that it was only last Saturday I had flogged her and then myself. I have never lived in such pain in my life but my mind is filled with awe, relief, and confusion.

The day before yesterday for example: Found out Leila had approached Anastasia on the street out in front of SIP. Leila told Anastasia that she was _a nobody_. Ana I think was completely freaked out.

As I told you, I took her to Esclava for a haircut, I wasn't thinking. She saw Elena and then we had a meltdown on the sidewalk. For my bright Ana figured out that's where I took all my subs. Not true but I had no defense. I had to pick her up and carry her down the street because Welch called informing me Leila had been spotted on the street near us.

We made it to her apartment and I asked her move in with me really giving her no choice. I told her it was for her own protection since Kate, her roommate, was in Barbados and she was staying alone. I had to tell Ana everything about Leila since she had procured a gun permit. I made it clear it was only temporary until Leila was found but I want more from her and hope she never leaves. I drove her car back to Escala.

Don't get on my case about being over protective. I think I have the right to be.

Anastasia got a haircut by Franco from Esclava Salon in the penthouse. Ana made me lunch then the roadmap and we had sex the rest of the afternoon. How could anything top that until the masquerade ball which was perfect except for a few glitches. She looked so gorgeous with her silver satin ball gown and silver mask with the cobalt blue feathers that made her powder-blue eyes pop.

Attending the ball with all my extra security made me feel like the president of some banana republic in the middle of coup. And then you trying to outbid me for the first dance with Ana, what a stupid man; by the way, I think you should pay half of the hundred thousand dollars. On top of that my sister, Mia, was always whisking Ana someplace, preventing us from having more sex.

Ana at the ball charmed my grandparents, my parents, and half the people who were awestruck and dumbfounded that I brought a date to such a public event.

Last, but not least, Elena wrote Anastasia a note that was passed around the staff until they gave it to my security team. The note told Ana that she would be more than willing to help her out with me. But if Ana hurt me again Elena would come after her. My subs are fucking up my life.

Every day with her is so full of flirting, firsts, and feelings!

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Another fucking day

**Date: **June 12 2011 09:43

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

You aren't going to believe this one, John. Anastasia woke up around 2:15 thinking she saw something, maybe a woman in our bedroom. She told me about ten minutes later when we started to talk. So the search was on again. But this time Leila had been in the apartment for hours hanging out in her secret place, wherever the fuck that was.

Ana and I fled the scene to the Fairmont Olympic Hotel. I drove the R8 like a madman until I was sure that we weren't being followed. She is still asleep. I'm wearing her down to nothing. I should send her away to someplace safe but I need her here for my own selfish reasons. She has told me over and over that she loves me and won't leave me again but with all these fucking outside forces she may crack under the strain. What am I to do?

I would protect her with my own life! I'm taking her to the Sound today. I need to give her some peace of mind and I guess I need some myself. Why is life cramming so much into such a short time? Is it a test to see if we will crack under the pressure? My life was very orderly and controlled before she stumbled into my office. Then I fell for her and I have been living in a popcorn popper ever since. We have only been back together four days. How in the hell is that possible? Four days of constant need and fulfillment.

You were right that she wants to know about my childhood. I took her up to my room in my parents' house. She found the picture of my birth mother and I told her it was no one significant. She is like a sponge, soaking up every detail of my life. I told her I was a private person but she keeps digging like she is trying to mine for gold. I love her for her doggedness, but she has been so damn disarming.

I'm just rambling and breakfast is here. I have to go wake Sleeping Beauty. Dr. Greene is coming again to straighten out our birth control problems. Did you get the word OUR?

Thanks for reading my ramblings again.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

In the morning after breakfast Flynn went into his home office that was darkly paneled with floor to ceiling book shelves on three walls. It was a cocoon where he could think and write without interruptions from his boyish boys. He usually lounged reading the Sunday Seattle Times but this morning he felt compelled to look at his emails. Who was he kidding? He had to see what was up with Christian. There were two emails from him. He was befuddled by how much had taken place. Leila was becoming a bigger threat to Christian as each day passed. He had misread her actions and now felt personally responsible for Christian and Anastasia's safety.

Anastasia was totally unexpected to John. He thought that maybe she had an ulterior motive that was why she was putting Christian through so much shit. But she was charmingly shy and her intellect was almost disarming. He looked forward to seeing her without a mask so he could critique her fully. John felt that Christian had met his match and she would always keep him on his toes. As for Ana being a submissive, he believed it would be a fat chance in hell of that ever happening.

As he read the first email, he knew that Christian's angst and pandemonium were very present. What could Flynn say to him to relieve his fears when he had this overwhelming fear of dread and doom hanging over him? Then there was the joyfulness of his feelings, which Flynn knew was a first for him, and then all the pain from Anastasia leaving him. Christian was right when he said it was like he was swinging on a pendulum. Anastasia must feel upside down most of the time not knowing what his mood was going to be next.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Wow!

**Date: **June 12, 2011 10:02

**To:** Christian Grey

Wow, what an exciting life you lead. I know it's not funny but I had to break the seriousness of what I'm about to say. Christian, it's hard to do an assessment on someone I've never met. Leila went through a personal tragedy of her lover being killed and you told me that she would never hurt you. That may have been true, but I'm not so sure that she won't hurt Anastasia if the opportunity presents itself. I know she has had the chance to hurt Ana before and didn't take advantage of it, but I' m not sure what she is capable of.

I know you would do anything for your love's safety and that's showing her how much you love her, but that might not protect her from harm. I'm more than a little worried that we have been unable to find Leila.

Elena that evil bitch! I know you don't want to think that she's in love with you, but she is. She has staked her claim on you and told Anastasia what she would do if Anastasia hurts you again. And you're right that your subs are really fucking with your life.

But look at the good. You introduced Anastasia to your world of wealth and beauty. She blended in seamlessly with poise and grace. No one would ever suspect that it was her first time out in high society. Watching the two of you dance as one was watching perfection. What a lucky man you are to have such a fine woman who loves and adores you.

I'm sorry you had to pay such a price for the first dance. You know I probably couldn't or wouldn't have bid any higher. But your generous donation will make a real dent in Seattle's drug addiction problem. Wasn't the dance priceless? I could always not bill you for my half of the first dance. How far do you think fifty thousand would go on your bill? Oh, I think it's funny that she thinks of me as a high priced charlatan. That's a real boost to my ego!

I have so much experience with banana republic dictators that I feel a coup coming on now. If I didn't spot any of your security detail but Taylor then I doubt anyone else did, not even your family. Have you kept them abreast of your latest circumstances?

Your second email was even more troubling. Leila needs to be caught. She seems to be escalating and will have to come out in public to attack either one of you. Please be vigilant. It's good to take Anastasia away for the day. Write anytime you like and call if you need me. Please insure that Welch informs me immediately when Leila is located so I can begin helping her.

Please be safe!

John

John headed back to the living room and sat down next to his wife Rhian. She looked at him and said, "It must be Christian. What has he done now?"

"I don't think he has done anything, I think I've not done enough. Christian and Anastasia might be in real danger. I'm trying to analyze my feelings to brace myself in case the worst happens."

"You're serious aren't you, my dear?" Rhian brushed her black hair away from her face.

"I'm deadly serious. That's as much as I can say. Sometimes I hate doctor/patient confidentiality for there are so many things I would like to say. Gather the boys; we're going to Puget Sound for the day. We'll find a nice place to have lunch and let the boys play by the water. Some days I just need to be out in the open spaces. Do you agree?"

She stood up, bent down showing her enormous cleavage, gave him a kiss, and called for the boys.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Upset!

**Date: **June 12 2011 23:13

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

Your email is pretty upsetting to think I can't keep Ana safe. We need to talk tomorrow. When can you squeeze me in? I hate to monopolize your time, but I need help. If you can believe this, I'm sexually confused. Please email me with the time.

Christian Grey

CEO &amp; Acting Sexually Confused, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

Christian was furious about Anastasia wanting to go to a fiction symposium in New York City with Jack Hyde, her new boss. Christian didn't give a damn if it was business or not. He couldn't tell Ana what he knew about Jack but he did continuously drop hints. Then she walked out of SIP with no protection and went to the deli, knowing full well that Leila had a gun and was mentally unstable. He had worked himself up to quite frenzy by the time he made it in the elevator and up to Dr. Flynn's office. Addie greeted him with her usual smiling respect.

"He is waiting for you, Mr. Grey. You seem to be his regular four-thirty appointment. I hope you're alright," Addie said with a look of apprehension.

"I'm fine, Addie, and I really do appreciate your concern." She smiled and went back to her computer screen.

Christian walked into Flynn's office that now was looking old and shabby. "John, you need to redecorate this place. It's looking rather long in the tooth."

"I'm glad to see you're in good spirits, or is it an act?"

"Damn, John, I can't seem to pull the wool over those dark blue eyes. I'm fucked-up as usual but yesterday was more confusing than ever. Before I get to that, you really believe Leila can be dangerous?"

"Like I told you in the email, it's hard to evaluate someone never having met them but, that being said, she is certainly following the pattern of escalation. I know you have security but a mad woman can be very taxing. Enough of Leila, we're going to focus on your sexual experience. I can't imagine the King of Sexual Satisfaction being confused."

"Yesterday was a wonderful day. While we were at the hotel, we showered together and she dried my hair with a towel. I don't remember anyone doing that for me. She also dried my chest with her hand over mine guiding the towel. This was a new experience for me as well. It took my breath away…if I would have remembered to breathe; it would have made things go better. Then my beautiful Anastasia asked me to make love to her. How in the fuck was I supposed to do that when I have never done that before? She climbed on the bed naked and I followed. If you don't want me to tell you the details, then I won't."

"Christian, it's obvious that you need to tell this so I can help you. You're making real progress," he muttered reassuringly.

Christian's gray eyes almost looked in pain as he struggled in his own mind about how to let the words flow. "My mind was racing from her words, "make love to me." I kissed her full lips still trying to figure out what she meant. Then your words popped into my head playing Anastasia like an instrument. Great analogy! What do you do when you play an instrument? It's all about touch. Once my lips left hers, I started to kiss her skin. I turned her over and kissed her back first, even her toes, feet, ankles and calves. I did all the touching with my lips and tongue. It was slow and erotic but I never went near her private area. She giggled as I was kissing her butt, and she told me I was giving her butterfly kisses."

He let out a big sigh, "When she was good and relaxed, I turned her over. She was getting very turned on. I wouldn't let her touch me, kiss me, or talk to me. My mind was only trying to concentrate on each square inch of her body. Then little droplets of sweat started to appear on her breasts. I knew she was close and I kissed around each breast that now had her nipples hard and erect. I kissed her navel with butterfly kisses and, when I knew she could not stand it one second longer, I placed my right hand on her pubic hair and watched her orgasm. I kissed her lips and lay next to her on my stomach with my lips at her shoulder."

"What is strange to me, John, is all my subs were hairless. I think Ana is the only woman I've had sex with who has pubic hair. How strange is that?" He looked quizzical.

"If that was not making love to her, then nothing you will ever do will be making love to her. I think there's more. You didn't have an orgasm?"

"Yes, but I still can't believe what she did to me."

John stood up and got them both water. Christian took his time; he knew he wanted to take it slow because he could still feel her on him.

"She straddled me while I was lying on my stomach. When she came down, her feet were under my shoulders and her wet spot came down between my shoulder blades. What a different sensation! In this position, I could not protest that she was touching my back. She started nibbling my butt and then gave me butterfly kisses. The entire time my penis was growing into the mattress. She stretched out and I could feel her hard nipples touching my legs, another new sensation. Then she massaged my feet. I must admit that I really liked the touching. As she moved up and down my back, I would get a brief whiff of her scent as she worked me over. Her smell is the best perfume."

He stopped speaking, drinking the rest of his water. His eyes were closed as if he could still smell her, John wrote in his notebook.

"She jumped off me and turned me over. She kissed my lips hard until I opened up my mouth to her. I wanted to touch her, but I didn't allow her, so the only thing that was moving on me was my penis that was begging for her to jump on and ride me to paradise. Finally, she slid on the condom and straddled me, facing toward my feet instead of my face. I was surprised. I filled her up with every inch of my penis. Then she learned forward…the first time she did, I thought she would break it in two. But slowly she would go up and down. I could tell she was getting turned on as she increased her rhythm. Looking at her sliding up and down with my penis exposed was an ever increasing turn-on. I finally put my hands on her hips to steady her. She waited as long as she could then she turned her head to me and smiled as we both came. Then she fell backwards on my chest."

He stopped talking. John was rather glad that he did, at that moment he was embarrassed because he had gotten turned on. This was a very uncomfortable first!

"Christian, you know that you both made love to each other. Why would you be confused about that? I must admit you do have the most interesting sex life." He smiled.

Christian blushed. It was the first time John had ever seen that.

"You better continue with your story so I can get home before my wife puts the kids to bed."

Christian smiled his 1000-megawatt smile. "The rest of the day…um…I bought her a new car to replace the one Leila trashed. It was not an Audi, but a Saab. I realized that, when I bought her the Audi, I was giving her a _submissive special_ instead of a graduation present."

John interrupted, "Very colorful, submissive special!"

"You can thank Ana for that one, she named it. Back to our day, we went to the marina and took out The Grace. I never asked if she had been on a sailboat. I knew she had never been on a fifty-two-foot catamaran. She steered the boat while Mac, my sailing mate, and I put up the sails. She is wonderful at following my instructions. Later, after sailing, we moored and sent Mac to shore and we made sweet love again. I like making sweet sex with her. She looked so young, so beautiful with her hair in the wind and her skin with color in her cheeks. This time it was not from blushing."

"She started up again at dinner saying that she was not enough for me and she couldn't satisfy all my prurient sexual needs. I told her that she fulfills every need in me but she isn't convinced. Later we shot pool. I was surprised when she challenged me to a game if she won we would go to the playroom. I'm not ready to go into playroom because my wounds are too fresh. And if I won, it was my choice. I let her think she could win, but I wasn't going to lose. Maybe it was a male thing or maybe it was fear. Well, anyway, I won. I spanked her with a plastic ruler as she splayed across the pool table with her feet planted on the floor. She finally told me to stop. No safe word, only stop. I can forget what I'm doing and get carried away. We had sex hard and fast but I felt bad that I did that to her. Do you see why I'm confused?"

"Christian, did she seem hurt or injured in any way after you spanked her?"

"No, we bathed together and then I rubbed her lovely ass with lotion just to make her feel more comfortable."

"There were no tears or bitter looks?"

"No, she smiled at me like a naughty girl."

"Then, in my expert opinion, I believe she liked it. You have to trust her that she will tell you when to stop, and never do it in anger, even if she begs. Your sex life is more complicated than most. You now know that you can make love to her sweetly and gently and you can also give her a little pain and keep her happy. She wants both kinds of sex and my advice is to give her whatever she wants when you're not angry. The key is, Christian, you like the rough stuff and so does she - within limits. Know her limits. Does that help at all?"

"Yes, I just hope I can put your words into actions. However, I still have this underlying fear that she will leave. I'm going to change the subject from sex to Elena. Well, maybe that is the same subject. I told you about the masquerade ball and Elena talking with Anastasia. Today Elena sent Ana an email to her work indicating that she wants to have lunch. Anastasia, I think, was a little frightened that two of my exes are stalking her. She sent me the email. Now Ana has three stalkers, Leila, Elena and her damn boss, Jack Hyde. Jack wanted to take her to New York, but that _cocksucker_ has a very bad rep!"

"Anastasia told me I was suffocating her when I put my foot down and told her that she could not go on the business trip. When that didn't work, I called SIP, and they put a hold on travel that wasn't booked before last Friday. I think I sound like a stalker? I couldn't have her running off to New York with that _cocksucker_."

"Do you understand why she would say you are suffocating her?"

"Yes, I just want to protect her."

"Christian, she is not a five-year old. She needs to fail sometimes to be able to grow. You don't want her in a gilded cage just so only you can look at her." Christian smiled a salacious smile.

"Just one more thing, John, and I'll let you go home to your beautiful wife. I asked Ana to move in with me." Christian grinned

John stood up over Christian and yelled, "You can't give this girl one moment's peace. First, you're fucking smothering her and next you want the ultimate control by having her move in with you." He screamed. "What's next, marriage?"

Christian gave him a sly smile. John just sat down shaking his head for all the yelling and screaming in the world was not going to get through to Christian.

He finally said, "We know she loves you and probably being around you makes her happy, but you do have issues of protection and control. And let's not forget all the stalkers, and Lord knows what else is rattling around in that brain of yours. I love you like a brother but sometimes I think beating the shit out of you would be the only thing that would really work. Come and see me any day at 4:30 because you need the help. Sorry about getting pissed off at you but you're maddening."

Christian stood up and gave him a very uncharacteristic back slap. "I'm sure the fuck glad you are my psychiatrist instead of my brother." He gave John a wink and left feeling better. John just shook his head and hoped that his brilliant patient could control himself enough not to push poor Anastasia too hard.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Elena

**Date: **June 13 2011 22:41

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

I have been looking everywhere for Anastasia. She has probably fallen asleep in the library. I'm not worried, you are right I need to give her space. And since all the locks have been changed, the penthouse seems safer.

We had a great time at dinner eating Gail's amazing food and we had been working on our problems until Elena showed up with blonde halo and her tight black skinny jeans. She still thinks Anastasia is my sub and wouldn't be here on a Monday night. Anastasia had agreed to move in so no matter when Elena shows up next Ana will be here. Elena had a problem and wanted me to help her out. I offered only minimal help. Anastasia eavesdropped on our conversation to ensure that I had no feelings for Elena. You were right; Elena has real feelings for me. Ana asked many questions about my past relationship with her.

You would be proud that after Ana told me that I was trying to stifle her and she wanted to tame me, I told Ana that I was honestly and deeply in love with her.

Feeling good and I need to go find my dream girl. As always thank you for your support.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

CHAPTER - 4

Christian sat in the ambulance with Leila now on a stretcher. Dr. Flynn finally spoke. "Look, you're going to tell me sooner or later what happened up in Anastasia's apartment. You better tell me now while it's fresh in your mind."

"Should we speak in front to Leila?"

"I gave her a sedative and she is sleeping peacefully."

"John, I've never been so mortified in my life. Anastasia went up to get her friend, Ethan, who is staying at her apartment. We were all going to dinner together. She went up and didn't come down. Then I spotted Ethan trying to get into the lobby. We had searched high and low but never found Leila. At that moment, my heart sank. I pushed Ethan out of the way knowing Leila was up there with Ana. Taylor and I bounded up the stairs, taking three at a time. I froze as I entered to see Leila holding a gun on Ana. The apartment was checked just a few hours before."

Christian took out his handkerchief and blew his nose, wiping away tears. "My mind was racing about what to do and then like a light bulb went on, I remembered she had been my submissive for a year. I mouthed the word D-O-W-N. She fell to her knees, the gun skipped across the hardwood floor and she assumed the position. I hated Ana to see that now she knows what kind of fiend lives inside me. I picked up the gun. Anastasia was frozen in place. I begged her to leave and after several requests, Taylor picked her up and carried her downstairs to Ethan who took her home."

"Christian, do you now understand what you wanted Anastasia to be and how she could never become a submissive, a Leila, or any of the others?"

"Yes, I understand but emotionally, I never understood the steep price they paid for being my submissives; letting me do that shit to them. How could I be so cruel and so unfeeling?"

"It's all you knew how to be. What did you do to Leila after Ana left and before I arrived?"

"She was so filthy that I gave her a bath, thinking it would keep her calm until you came."

"How did that feel?"

"It was one of the most awkward things I have ever done. Removing her clothes and seeing her skin and bones and remembering how lovely she was. She was always so fun loving. I didn't want to touch her and I had to keep thinking of her as a child in order to touch her with a sponge. My God, I hated myself in that moment. What had I done to her and all the other women? I'm really a fucked-up son-of-a-bitch."

"Christian, you really helped her by keeping her calm and getting her clean. Just think of how hard it would be to bathe her once she had been admitted. Christian, for the first time, you see the harm you did to others and the harm that Elena did to you. You would not have gotten to this point unless you had fallen in love with Anastasia. How do you think Anastasia is going to deal with this?"

"I think she will be hurt and angry. I'll have no defense when she hurls her venom on me. First, she had to deal with the Elena's assault last night and now this. This time she may run all the way back to Savannah."

"Give her more credit than that. She will not leave you. She is too much in love with you. Tell her only the truth of what happened. Somewhere in her brain, with all that anger, she will see you had real compassion for Leila. Compassion is what she is looking for in you."

Christian sat thinking for the remainder of the ride to the psychiatric hospital in Fremont. He tried calling Ana but no answer. He checked Leila into the hospital and made sure they knew he was responsible for her medical bills. On the way back to the penthouse, he was sober, somber, and brooding about his fucked-up life.

The next day at precisely a quarter to five in the afternoon, Christian entered John's office went to one of the couches and flopped down. John was surprised to see him.

John moved from his desk and sat in one of the wingback chairs. "I thought I had an appointment with you and Anastasia tomorrow night, what happened? I know it's not Leila for she is locked up but something bad has happened."

Christian was rubbing his straight nose, almost in a trance.

"Last night when I got home Anastasia was not there. Taylor had not seen her since he took her out of her apartment. My heart was in my throat as I sent him out to find her. My biggest fear was she had left me. I didn't go into the bedroom to see if her things were gone. I was too frightened. She had not taken her purse and there was no way to communicate with her. I was beyond upset when she walked in the door. I tried to go near her and she backed up. I realized that she had been out drinking. I knew in that moment that she was leaving me and running out the door. My heart had already shattered but I tried to keep it together. When she asked about Leila, I told her the truth that she was in a psychiatric hospital. I was begging her not to run out on me. All the words I spoke about Leila, I think, only added to her fear. I told her the truth."

He rubbed his finger through his hair and said, "The more we talked, the more fear built up in my mind until something snapped. I went to the floor and assumed the position of the submissive; just like I had done a hundred times before. I don't know if it was seeing Leila or if that was the position where I did not have to think. I knew she was talking to me and she finally kneeled across from me on the hardwood floor. Hard on the knees! She asked me to tell her the secret that I was carrying around and she promised she would not leave me. My heart was beating out of my chest as I told her I was a SADIST who liked to whip brown-haired girls like my crack-whore birth mother."

Christian drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"In my fucked-up mind, all I could think to do was to keep her there on the floor with me and to let her touch me. By this time, she was pretty much fucking freaking out. I begged her to touch me. I placed her hand on my chest above my heart with my hand on top. She soon took off my shirt and was touching me slowly and softly. The pain was more than I could bear. She stopped when she saw how much pain I was in but it was not painful."

John said, "I'm getting us some water, but you'll continue to talk," he commanded.

Christian nodded his head. John's hands were shaking as he opened the fridge. His hand was under control by the time he handed Christian a bottle of water. He drank the bottle like a thirsty animal. John waited as Christian sat there with both hands in his copper hair, and then he lay down again. Tears were streaming down his face he struggled to retrieve his handkerchief from his rear pocket.

"For the first time, I realized that she was touching me and the pain was in my head not in her hands. But my fucked-up psyche would not take it. Then she told me again that we couldn't make it because she could not give me everything I need. I remember her using the word incompatible. I told her, after I beat her with a belt that Saturday morning and she left, that I could never beat her again; when she left, something fundamentally changed in me. She told me _people don't change like that_. I was desperate to keep her near me. I countered her endless questions with answers. Then she told me she was exhausted, I tried to get her to eat, but she became more frustrated and left. I found her later in the bathroom where she was crying her heart out. What wasn't broken in me before smashed on the bathroom floor! She didn't want me to touch her but my pain was too great. I grabbed her, holding her while she protested until her chest stopped heaving. I got her into bed and smothered her in my arms with love.

Christian got another bottle of water and sat down.

"My God, Christian, why would you tell her something that was so blatantly untrue? You know you're not a sadist. We have been over this a hundred times. I think the reason you always picked brunettes is that they weren't like Elena. It had nothing to do with your birth mother. I think the pain of your childhood sometimes gets confused with your pain from adolescent. I was also afraid that Anastasia did leave you but once again she ended up in your bed that she probably thinks it's her bed now. Tell me the rest."

Addie knocked on the door and told Dr. Flynn that she was leaving. Both men said good night.

Christian continued, "In the middle of night - before I go there - I asked Anastasia to marry me. And before you scold me, she laughed her head off and then she told me she would think about it. I know how inappropriate it was to ask but I couldn't think of another way to keep her near me. She also told me it was a damn poor proposal."

John was shaking his head, thinking of the image of Anastasia laughing at Christian over the absurdity of the situation.

"Anyway, back to the middle of night, she had gotten out of bed for a drink. I think she was suffering from a hangover. I had a full blown nightmare that she woke me out of. It was all about her leaving me, not about the past. My tee-shirt was completely soaked. Then I needed her. We made love; no, that's not realistic when I'm in that state all I want to do is fuck her and take possession of what is mine. I know that is a very immature way to think about sex, but in that moment, it was like, if I didn't have her, my heart would stop beating."

He looked at his Omega watch and said, "John, it's six, and I need to pick up Anastasia. I hate to dump this on you, but I need to go."

"Just one quick question; what do you think she is going to say?"

"My God, I hope she says yes or I'll need to move into your office." He smiled as Christian left.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **That _cocksucker_!

**Date: **June 15 2011 22:41

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

I now keep my laptop in the bedroom so, if I wake up, I can work while Ana sleeps. We just had great sex with a spreader bar. If you are interested, I will tell you sometime.

Jack Hyde made a pass at Ana at work and she kicked him in the balls. She was pretty shook up when she staggered out of SIP and fell into my arms. Taylor ran in to find the _cocksucker_ who was still on the floor from Ana's powerful blow. I think Taylor might have gotten a few licks in for good measure. Jack Hyde is gone and will never bother Ana again. There are benefits to becoming a new owner.

Ana was calm once we got her home. I found her after dinner in the playroom looking in the drawers of the museum case. She asked questions about items and I explained what they were for. That's how we ended up with the spreader bar. Her choice. I just love watching that woman come.

I must admit all of my instincts about Jack Hyde were right. My radar must be working again. See you tomorrow night.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Thank you

**Date: **June 17 2011 06:20

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

Thank you for our session last night. I think she's still processing what you told her. She just told me you told her to give me the benefit of the doubt. Anastasia got hung up on a few of your medical terms but other than that seemed to take whatever you said in stride.

I know she doesn't think she fulfills my needs but last night I showed her how much she means to me. I took her to see a house overlooking Puget Sound that recently came on the market. We arrived at sunset and the views were spectacular, with clean-colored sky and the meadow awash in wildflowers.

I want to tear it down and build us a new house. She surprises me at every turn and likes the old charm the current house possesses. I like sleek and somewhat sterile, the ultra-modern look. I guess it's time for me to add a little charm to my life.

Of course, I want her to say yes to my proposal and make it our family home. I'm beginning to think Escala has too many bad memories for us, especially from other women. I want a home that is only filled with our memories.

John, how is it I can feel like this?

With my subs, when the weekend was over I did not miss them. Come to think about it, I didn't even miss the sex. With Ana, I want sex all the time. It seems like every day it happens at least twice, maybe three times.

Sleeping with her has helped me sleep but the morning sex is something I've never had because the subs had their own bedroom and I had my privacy. But, with Ana, I wake up with a hard-on and she is so willing and so eager to have me. She wants me as much and as often as I want her.

How is that possible?

I know that sex is not that important to others but looking at her in full orgasm feeds my soul.

By the way, I think I have developed a heart. Did you know that?

I still need to see you and talk, but not this afternoon because I'm flying Charlie Tango down to Portland.

Oh, you're not going to believe this one. The guy who was groping Ana the night I took her back to the Heathman Hotel in her drunken stupor is coming to deliver the photographs I bought at his showing. José is delivering them and taking Ana out for drinks, I will join them for dinner. I may be growing up after all.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Progress

**Date: **June 17 2011 08:35

**To:** Christian Grey

Everything in your email was positive and upbeat. Anastasia is beautiful. I know her pale powder-blue eyes were hypnotizing as she peered out from behind her mask at the charity ball. She is shy and awkward at times but that is part of her charm. She is also shrewd and uses her face flushing as a way of disarming people. You have met your match with her for she is probably as brilliant as you are; only she has been loved by others for years.

Christian, please be delicate with her ego. She is young and somewhere in her mind she doesn't feel she is worthy of you and that she is not pretty enough for such a beautiful boy.

I know this is a novel concept for you but each one of us has our own insecurities. I know you have been able to use your beauty to keep people at arm's length so they will not delve deeper into your psyche.

Anastasia has never given herself away as much as she has given to you. Please, I beg, be gentle.

So I take it also from the email that you want the whole enchilada home, wife, and kids. After all why shouldn't you be thinking about all that? You'll soon be twenty-eight. I warn you once again, _don't push her_.

The poor girl has barely had time to think since she met you. She even brought that up in our session.

Oh, Christian, I know you and your brave front about allowing Ana to see an old friend is very generous. But may I note that you probably wrote that with white knuckles and a clenched jaw.

She picked you over the photographer or any other man to surrender her virginity to. You are worried he will make a move on her. Didn't she just dispatch Jack Hyde with a swift kick to the groin?

Ana is very capable of taking care of herself. She will never let another man touch her when she has you.

See you next week at the usual time. It is now permanently reserved for you.

John

Frantically, desperately waning to find Christian, Anastasia went into Christian's office and was looking for Dr. Flynn's phone number when Taylor came in. "Miss Steel, can I help you find something?"

"I want to find Dr. Flynn's phone number."

"I already called him."

"Could you dial the number on my phone? I need to talk to him."

Taylor took pity on poor Anastasia, dialed the number and then handed her the phone.

"Hello, Dr. Flynn here."

"This is Anastasia Steel. I can't feel him! Is Christian dead from the helicopter crash?"

With that, Taylor left the study because watching Ana's tears fall was heartbreaking. If it was true that Christian was dead, his heart would be broken too.

"Anastasia, I'm terribly worried myself but it has not been that long. You and I both know that Christian is a survivor and is very quick witted. I can't ease your mind. But please answer me one question."

"Sure, it might clear my head."

"Are you going to marry him?"

Ana started to laugh, "I thought it would be some serious question that delves into my psyche, but the answer is yes. Christian already has the answer and he doesn't even know it. I gave him a box containing my answer. Oh My God! What if he never reads how much I love him? What if he never knows that my life would be meaningless without him?"

She broke down and cried.

John said, "Ana, he knows how much you love him. He tells me on the phone, in my office, and all over his emails. I know he is alive and can feel him with me now. You are new to him. He is thinking of you now but trying to block you from the pain."

"Thank you, Dr. Flynn. I won't give up hope."

She cried a long time in Christian's office until she could gather her wits about her drying her face. Anastasia had to face his family because they were waiting for news of the crash.

Saturday afternoon Christian called John who answered on the first ring.

"Flynn here," his tone was short.

"Hi John, Grey here, just wanted to tell you that I'm alive and looking forward to Monday afternoon."

"Hi, Christian, I'm having a shitty day and was very relieved that Taylor called and told me you were back. I want you to know that Anastasia called me, completely devastated. I tried my best to calm her down and reassure her that you were coming home."

"She has agreed to marry me. I had my answer the whole time, it was in my suit coat breast pocket. She handed it to me as a present before we went into your office."

"Congratulations to you both and see you tonight at your birthday party. Your sister can really be pushy. It must run in the family. Bye, Christian."

Somehow Christian expected more feelings from Flynn. After all he had been in a helicopter crash, but relaxed when he realized that John was having a shitty day. He certainly knew what shitty days were all about.

As Christian sat at his desk on that Saturday afternoon after the Charlie Tango incident; he contemplated his twenty-eighth birthday and what had happened last night when he arrived to find the penthouse full of people. He certainly wasn't used to having people concerned about his wellbeing. He had never seen his mother so emotional, she clung to him and wouldn't release him from her hug. His mother had always been rock solid and she was the last one he would have thought to have fallen apart. It was almost unbearable. Carrick, his father, asked questions with his inquisitive mind and wanted to know all about the crash. Christian was desperately trying to hide the fact it was a near miss. Elliot tried to play down the crash because he knew that if he lost Christian, he himself would be lost. Once Christian came in the door Mia just felt relief that he was home safe and sound. Even his antagonist, Kate, was worried if only for Anastasia's sake, of course.

Christian had tried to be as nonchalant as possible about the crash but he knew something went terribly wrong with the helicopter and it didn't go down on its own. It had redundant systems to avoid such crashes. He had tried not to show fear when they were going down so Ros wouldn't know how extremely terrified he was. Ros, his operations manager, was a trooper after the crash when they had to walk four hours (her in heels) away from Mt. St. Helens to the I-5. Both Ros and Christian's cell phones were dead after repeatedly attempting to contact someone after the crash. A truck driver, who himself had no cell phone, picked them up and drove them back to Seattle. Christian's thoughts were of Anastasia, his happily ever after.

He thought Anastasia was so young, yet she loved him. How was that possible? No one except his family had ever loved him. He could hear her in the kitchen baking his birthday cake and wanted nothing more than to run to her and kiss her. They had even had sex even in the playroom earlier that morning for his birthday, but his need to consume her was still looming large in his mind. He turned his attention to work and left the idea of the crash alone. He would know soon enough if his thinking was right and someone had sabotaged Charlie Tango.

CHAPTER - 5

Christian Grey was born twenty-eight years ago on June 18, 1983, in Detroit, Michigan. His life started out hard with a crack-whore birth mother, but look at him now. He had just announced that Anastasia Steel had agreed to marry him and then had an unwelcome conversation with his ex-dominant/submissive, Elena Lincoln. The result is his mother found out he was molested by Elena at fifteen. Christian wondered if his life would ever have a normal day since meeting his love or was he doomed to live in chaos.

He was sitting alone in the living room of his parents' house when John approached. "I hate to disturb your quiet moment, but there is such an undercurrent of negativity running around the house; I am wondering if you could tell me what it is."

"I thought this could wait until Monday, John, but if you can feel the current so can everyone else. Elena cornered Anastasia and basically told her that she could never satisfy my needs. Anastasia finally got pissed off and threw a drink in her face. I came across the scene and Elena and I had it out. Then my mother walked in on the three of us. It was horrible. She threw Elena out only after slapping her hard across the face." He took a big sigh like air being deflated from a balloon.

"Elena left and Anastasia went in the opposite direction. My mother bombarded me with questions. Some I answered and some I didn't, but the cat is out of the bag. I don't know what's going to happen now. Ana and I are okay. I promised her, my relationship with Elena had ended. My mother is not going to let this go until she gets the truth. What I have always feared has come to pass. This is the first time, I feel cheap and dirty. I need to gather my love and give her my surprise. You, my friend, need to go find Rhian and continue with the party."

"Christian, don't get down. You have what you want. You have the woman of your heart who wants nothing more than you."

Just then Anastasia appeared at the door. "Yes, he does have the woman of his heart. John, I'm sure you're helping Christian, and thank you for helping me on Thursday. But if I could just have a bit of time with him?"John smiled and left the room.

"Oh, my love, we need to continue partying with your guests. We have spent way too much time apart from them. Whatever happens now, we are together. I would never, ever, ever leave you. I just want to feel you with me and have you tell me that I did nothing wrong," she begged.

Christian unfolded from the uncomfortable position he was sitting in and took Ana in his arms. "You have done nothing wrong. Please, don't let this mess spoil our engagement. I want you in the worst way, but that can wait until later."

Ana pulled his face down to hers while grabbing his hair. She kissed him with the passion that she usually reserved for the bedroom. He groaned at her powerful love. He was about to take her on the living room couch when Mia yelled, "Get a room!"

Christian continued to kiss Anastasia while trying to wave Mia off, but she would have none of that. "Come on you two, let's party." Ana said to Mia, "One day I'll interrupt you when you're in a moment of passion, just to let you know how it feels." Mia laughed and drifted off to another room.

Christian said, "Do you want your surprise now or later?" She smiled at him. "You have been a poor birthday boy. Let's join the others." Anastasia took his hand and they went to find their guests.

June 20, 2011, Christian was again flopped on John's couch looking at the pale green ceiling. "I think the ceiling should be yellow like sunshine or blue like the sky."

"I know you don't want to talk, Christian, but tell me what is going on." John said sternly.

"My mother showed up at Grey House at two-thirty today just like any other business appointment. She had made Andrea swear that she wouldn't tell me. I was surprised as she marched in wearing her blue sundress, dressed as only Dr. Grace Trevelyan-Grey could be dressed, impeccably. I stood up and gave her a kiss. She grabbed my hand and we went to talk on the white leather L-shaped couch. She was kind and gentle. Then all hell broke loose."

"I need to back up. Carrick confronted me on Sunday morning before breakfast, since Ana and I had slept in the boathouse in the garden of flowers that I had made where I gave her an engagement ring on bended knee. Anyway, back to Carrick, he was his usual non-confrontational self. He asked what happened with Elena. I just told him that we had affair - years ago, and he seemed satisfied with my answer. Then he got the idea that I needed a prenuptial agreement if I was going to get married. We argued. We even took the argument into the kitchen where Ana overheard the upheaval. She told Carrick that she would sign any agreement he wanted, just like she signed the NDA without reading it. She told me at the time that she would never talk about me no matter what happened, and she has been true to her word. One more thing, I told her to tear up the NDA. She smiled at me."

He went for water and then sat on the couch.

"I know I'm wandering all over the place here, John, but I'm just going to continue. I settled the discussion with my dad and told him that no way in hell was Anastasia going to sign a prenup - that, if she left me, she may as well take the money with her. I certainly wouldn't have a life anyway. On the way home Ana told me that Carrick made her feel like a cheap gold-digger."

John said, "I'm just as curious as your father - why no prenup?"

"On that Thursday night when we were in Portland at José's Art Show, I told her that I wanted her without restrictions, rules, or devices. That was just not for her coming back to me then, but I meant it with my entire being. John, I have made money and you know I like being rich but, since finding Anastasia, I want her more than money. Even though in the back of my mind, I fear she will leave I want her more than money, almost more than life itself. I love her."

"I understand that, Christian, but your father is a lawyer, he only wants to protect your assets. He is concerned about your financial well-being, just like any father might be when his son wants to marry a girl he just met."

"Ana is not interested in my money. I have to basically buy things for her instead of her buying them on her own. You might be surprised to know that she hates to shop. On our first meeting, she called me the ultimate consumer."

"Boy, she nailed you the first time. She can read you like a book."

Christian smiled and said, "When she stumbled into my office and looked up from the floor with those powder-blue eyes, I thought she could look right through me. Now I know she can. She can see through all my bullshit."

"No wonder you stalked her to Portland. I'm sure you wanted to know if she could see through you again. Just one question before I let you tell me about the haranguing you took from your mother. What feelings did you have other than the desire to make her your submissive?

Christian looked at the floor a while as he gathered his wits. "I had the need or desire to be with her all the time. I waited five days before tracking her down at Clayton's Hardware. How I hate to wait for anything. I don't think that's an emotion, more of a compulsion, but then again, I had never felt like that before, not since the very beginning with Elena. With her it was about my hormones; with Ana it's all about need. I've no idea what I would have done if she was not interested in me."

"Okay what about Grace? I'm sure she could not be as easily put off as Carrick." He actually smirked at Christian.

"Oh, you do know my mother! She started asking me if she had been a bad mother. How could Grace be a bad mother? I already had one of those I told her. Then my very composed and refined mother started to cry. She was very surprised when I scooted next to her and held her in my arms, something I had never done until the night Charlie Tango went down. Ana has helped me so much with the touching thing or, as you like to say, my haphephobia. You must have used your big word mouth on Ana when you talked to her. What were you trying to do scare the shit out of her?"

"No, I just wanted to see her reaction. If she hadn't been so nervous and overwhelmed she could have figured the words out. You know you really do intimidate her."

"Yes, and I'm trying not to, but old habits are hard to break. Do you want me to tell you about my mother?"

"Please go ahead, good sir." Flynn stood up and bowed at Christian. They both smiled.

"I don't know why this is so damn urgent to tell you, but it feels like it to me."

Christian got another bottle of water and tossed one to John. "Good catch, Sir." After drinking, he set the bottle on the table. "My mother is a piece of work. After all the tears, she said, "I have seen so many broken and abused children in my career as a pediatrician. You were one of those children who still haunt me to this day. When I was called to look after a small boy in a filthy blue sweater in the emergency room all those years ago, when I saw you, I knew you were mine. My heart broke, and then you smiled at me, all the fear I had melted away. I kept making excuses for child services not to take you away that day. Then Carrick and I went to see you in foster care. You grabbed my hand and would not let go until the foster mother yanked your hand from mine and you went into a complete tizzy fit. You wouldn't talk, but you drew me pictures."

"She took my hand in hers asking how it was possible that she had let a pedophile ruin me? She thought my days of abuse were long over until that bitch Elena molded me into a non-loving man. She wanted to know the truth. She asked if I was one of Elena's play things because everyone knew Elena had boy-toys for years. My mother found out that I was one of those boy-toys...her own son. Then she told me that she could have killed Elena with her bare hands on my birthday! She said, 'I'm going to tell you something I never told another human being. You've always been my favorite child. I know as a parent, I'm not supposed to have a favorite, but you're so special and, to find out you were abused again, breaks me, Christian; it just breaks me'." He took a thinking pause.

"John, I was so floored that all I could do was kiss her sweet cheek, like she did when I was a boy. Tears were running down my face, something she had never witnessed. I knew I had to say something, but I didn't know what to say. Elena happened a long time ago, I told her. She would have none of that. Then she asked if the abuse from Elena had changed me. I could not lie to her so I answered yes. Then she said, "Christian, I'm a bad mother. A good mother would have taught you abuse was wrong." I think my tears were falling even harder as I struggled for my handkerchief. When I calmed down, I told her that, with Elena, I didn't know it was abuse until Ana came along. Elena used the old carrot-and-stick trick. The carrot was her sex, and the stick was literally a stick, but she used canes, belts, and her favorite was a whip. I did learn discipline and focus. Yes, I learned a lot about sex and control, and then I shut up."

He drank the rest of his water bottle. John waited for him to continue.

"Then she asked the question I'd been dreading for years. "How long, Christian?" I told her six years, and it was like I had kicked her in the gut. Her face fractured in front of me. I didn't know what to do and I was in a panic. She said, "Why did Anastasia think it was abuse?" I told her, Ana didn't think at fifteen I was capable of entering into a sexual relationship. Of course, Ana thinks Elena or Mrs. Robinson is pure evil. My mother asked one final question, 'Did she give you the money to start your company?' I nodded, and she said with hatred in her voice, "Payment for services rendered." I have never been so shocked and hurt in my life. I told her on my birthday it started at fifteen and ended at twenty-one."

"She got up and smiled then said she would get together with Anastasia about the wedding this week. She kissed me on each cheek, like she normally does. What do you make of my mother, John? Have I lost her love? I feel rather empty. She did not fail me, but I failed her. It's the first time I realized that all those fucked years affected my mother, as well as the subs."

"Christian, your mother is hurt because she could not and did not protect you from Elena, the sexual predator. Her confessions that it was love at first sight and you have always been her favorite are heart wrenching. She would do anything to save you from that pain; little did she know that you are just feeling that pain for the first time. Rest assured that she still loves you, but her hurt is lashing out at you. You have been in a constant state of upheaval since Ana came into your life. Someday the secret of your lifestyle will come out, but it will not matter, because by then your life with Anastasia will be forged. Remember secrets always come out no matter how hard you try to hide them. Take your mom to lunch in a couple of weeks. The best revenge against Elena is striving to have a happy life."

"I like your form of revenge. Should I ask my dad to apologize to Ana?"

"No, do you really want to bring up that shit again? Christian, Ana has to fight her own battles, and this one is between the future daughter-in-law and the future father-in-law. As long as she never thinks she is a gold-digger in your eyes, then Ana is fine."

"I guess I will see you tomorrow and now I need to tell Ana about my rather interesting day."

Christian stood, stretched, collected his water bottles, disposed of them in the recycle bin, and walked out.

Taylor and Christian were on time to pick up Ana. She crawled in the back of the car next to Christian. She put on his seat belt. He leaned over and gave her a gentle kiss.

"You look rather unhappy, Ana, what is it?"

"This is the start of the seventh week I've known you and, in that time, I have been de-virginized, graduated college, moved to Seattle, gotten my first full-time job, been stalked by an ex sub, kneed my employer in the balls, and agreed to marry you. It has all been too much. I could add the fun parts, like soaring, sailing, and your kinky fuckery, but I need life to slow down. How do you keep up with the pace that life is throwing at us?"

"Ana, when you put it like that, no wonder we are both exhausted. Now that you have agreed to marry me, over the next few weeks, the pace will keep at a steady clip. We don't need to do anything tonight, so we can just relax together."

As they went up to the penthouse, he gave her a soft kiss with no sexual intentions. Ana looked much more relaxed. After a wonderful dinner of meatloaf, that Christian had requested, they retired to the great room and sank into the couch.

"I've something to tell you. My mother visited me today. She made an appointment with Andrea, just like any other business person, and I was floored when she came in. We sat, and she cried, asking me if she had failed as a mother. Oh it was extremely hard to reassure her that she was the best thing in my life. She asked questions about Elena and all that shit. She knows you know and will probably ask you questions when you get together this week to discuss the wedding."

Ana groaned, "I wish I had taken you up on your offer to fly to Las Vegas and get married."

"No you don't, because I want to show you off as my bride. I know you have questions to ask me so let me get us an after-dinner drink and we'll talk."

Ana could not believe that he had not jumped her bones yet. Christian was being reasonable and rational; maybe because he figured out she was truly his.

The sweet golden liquid slid down her throat. "What is this? It is sweet and hot with a bite,"

"It's Galliano, Italian licorice liqueur."

"Why have we never done this before," she questioned.

"You're right; we have been too busy with other things. There is so much that I want to show you in the world. Do you have a passport?"

"No, I don't have a passport."

"Yes, you will need a passport for the honeymoon."

"Isn't there a question on the form about where I intend to travel?"

"I'm not telling, and it sounds like you have already applied for a passport."

"Just on a whim, I sent it off two weeks ago."

"Good girl."

Christian took her in his arms, kissed her passionately, and then went back to being relaxed. Ana knew this was his plan, to keep her relaxed until she had no will but to give him what he wanted.

"What do you want me to say to your mother if and when she asks?"

"You know me, Ana; you know the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of me. Anything you want to say is fine. Flynn told me today that secrets have a way of coming out. If the sub/dom thing comes out, my reputation will survive because it was all adult fun and games; but if Mrs. Robinson comes out, I would have to endure everyone's pity. I can barely take pity from you. Please, I trust you."

She took a sip of the golden liquid and said, "I would never hurt you, Christian, but your mother wants to know if she should do something to help you now. Victims of sexual abuse often think it's their fault. You didn't realize that until a few days ago..."

"I want you to know that my lawyer has drawn up a separation agreement with Elena dissolving our partnership. He will handle it and I'm not going to see her."

"Thank you, Christian; I just never want another confrontation with her or any of your other subs."

"I know you don't, even though you prove to me again and again you can handle yourself in a crisis. On to a more pleasant subject The Wedding. How big of a wedding do you want? I would be honored to cover the costs."

"Look, Christian, I know you have as much money as God, but let me have a little dignity. Can I please buy my own wedding gown? Of course, Carla and Ray want to pay for something. They know they can't pay for the style of wedding we'll have. Could you give them a little slack or talk to them about how they might contribute? They just don't want to be left out of their own daughter's wedding."

"Good point, well made, Miss Steel, soon to be my Mrs. Grey! Have you decided how many people will be there?"

"Christian, I was hoping that you and your parents would decide that. I know my mother has a few friends and Ray wants José Sr. and José there. That won't be a problem, will it?" She gave him a rather threatening look.

He smiled and ran his index finger across her cheek. "Look at the time; it's almost ten and do you think we should head to bed?"

Ana took the last sip of the golden liquid just as Christian did. She put her arms around his neck and he carried her to bed.

"How many orgasms does my lady want? I'm taking requests tonight."

"Just one please, long, slow, and sweet. I have become rather fond of your love making abilities. I think it has been such a relaxing evening that long, slow, and sweet is in order."

"Anyway I can have you, Ana. Let's get our clothes off, shall we?"

They each looked at each other and started to take their own clothes off. Then they used the toilet, taking turns, and even brushed their teeth. When Ana slipped between the sheets, Christian had pulled the duvet cover off onto the floor. He crawled in next to her.

"Can I make love to you, Christian? I want to thank you for asking me to marry you?"

Christian was trying to shield his look of terror from Ana, but his voice was clear and full of expectation when he answered yes. She had her man and was going to seduce him into an orgasm, something she had wanted to do since the first time she was naked in his bed.

"I can turn off the light or get a mask for your eyes, or, better yet, just put your arm over your eyes if it gets too intense. If you want me to stop at anytime, just say stop. Do you understand, Christian?"

He smirked because she was using the same words he had used on her many times before. Now he was intrigued about what she was going to do to him."

Ana started kissing his face, his forehead, then his eyebrows, and licked his eyelids. She kissed his temples, then down to his ears, and licked his ear canal. She had no game plan. She sucked her way across his jaw line to his other ear and did the same thing back up to his temple. She then kissed his nose and sucked on each earlobe, but never touched his lips. Christian was starting to squirm, just like she hoped he would. He even tried to kiss her, and she said, "If you aren't still, I'll have to restrain you."

He gulped air trying not to laugh. She placed both hands around his neck and started to massage the stressors away from his day. She slowly massaged his neck and kissed him from the jaw line to the base of the neck. She threw off the sheet to see what effect she was having on him. She was satisfied because his penis was on the rise. She kissed his shoulder and then started outlining where the lipstick had been. From there she made smaller and smaller outlines until her hands met half way between his navel and the base of his neck. He seemed very relaxed and she started to kiss his chest with no regard for his scars. Her hands came to rest on his nipples.

Christian drew in a breath, but she looked at his penis, and it was still growing so she did not stop. She bent over him, sucking his nipples, while her own nipples were grazing his skin. She was surprised his nipples got hard. This was all new territory for her. His navel had hair she sucked on it, and then gave him a belly fart, which made Christian laugh. She knew that was the closest she was going to get to tickling him and she didn't want to change the mood. Ana took pity on him lying on his front so she scooted up to kiss his lips. His penis popped up and was between her legs moving to the bottom of her butt.

"Do you want me to continue? I don't want to overload you with too much touch." After she broke off her kiss, the only word that came out of his mouth was "more."

She rolled off and straddled him, putting her vagina almost within licking distance of his tongue, but she had his arms pinned against the sides of his body. Christian could smell her and everything was taken to another level. He could not lick her, so he blew his breath across her opening. She looked back and smiled at him. His penis was flexing as she looked down at his feet. She placed her hands at his navel, started to rub his stomach and rubbed concentric circles like he had done to her thighs so many times. She had learned from the master. She rubbed his hips, trying not to touch his penis; when she could not feel to his feet she stretched her body on top of him, making sure she did not smash his penis because she wanted that later.

Ana was stretched on Christian's body, her feet were on his shoulders and her hands were stretched massaging his feet. Christian was now groaning and she could feel his hard penis pressing right below her breasts. Then she remembered he had said something about fucking her breasts.

She jumped off him and moved his legs, getting between them. She moved down so her breasts were at penis level then she cupped her breasts around his penis and slowly moved up and down. Christian was looking in horror and delight, and then started to move. It was awkward and a little painful, but strange and good. He moved faster and faster, and he yelled her name and his liquid started to squirt. She licked it as fast as it shot. When he was still, she cleaned him off and said, "Now you know what it's like to be made love to long, slow, and sweet."

"Ana, my Ana, you can do that to me anytime you want. No one has ever done that to me. Firstly, I would have stopped them and, secondly, I'm so glad it was you, but don't I get to do you?"

She climbed back on the bed and lay down next to him. He looked at her with such love and devotion that she practically came then. She had cum in her hair and he sucked it out. Then he kissed her and she sucked his tongue. This was arousing as Ana started to grind against his hip.

Christian said nothing because she had said nothing. There was no music, no beat, or rhythm, only responding to each other. Christian looked down on her beautiful body and started in the middle of her navel, contemplating the fact that someday he wanted to suck Galliano from it. He thought there were at least fifty liqueurs that would be sweetened by Ana's navel; it would take him a lifetime of navel sucking to do that. He firmly rubbed the sides of her body as his tongue kept circling her navel. He switched his circling tongue to her breasts, sucking each nipple hard until they stood at attention.

"Ana," he whispered and sunk his long index finger into her to see if she wanted him, then pulled it out and sucked it. He got off the bed and pulled her butt to the edge and sucked her clitoris with two fingers inside her. He slowed it down again as she started to grind against him.

"Christian, I want you, please."

"You showed me no mercy, so why should I show you any?"

He went back to sucking as she built, and then she screamed his name, but Christian did not stop. He worked on her again because he wanted her to have another orgasm.

She was panting, trying to catch her breath as he put her legs against his chest with the bottoms of her feet pointing to the ceiling. He entered slowly, no slamming, no sharp thrusts, only circling like he did with his fantastic tongue. They had never done it in this position.

"Christian, I want to kiss you," she said breathlessly.

"I wanted to kiss you too, Baby. Do you want me to go a little faster?"

"I love your torture, just do what you want, and I will try to give you what you need..." she trailed off.

He increased his speed and then reversed his movements. He saw the little beads of sweat appear on her breasts and knew it wouldn't be too long before she was there. Now he started to thrust in and out harder and harder until they came in harmony. When he pulled out, he crawled on her body and found her mouth. She claimed his body next to hers and kissed him as hard as he was kissing her. He finally broke off the kiss.

He looked at his watch it was nearly midnight, he took it off and placed it on the night stand. "We need to sleep. I hope I satisfied you, Anastasia." He was still breathing hard.

"If you satisfied me anymore, I would be in heaven, and I mean the literal place."

"Oh, it was death from orgasm again, dear?"

She turned off the light with a smile on her face, pulling up the duvet cover.

When Ana woke in the morning, her hair was sticky. She slid out of bed and went to the shower. Christian joined her and saw what she was doing.

"The least, I could do is wash your hair after dirtying it up last night."

She turned her back and let his magic fingers do the work. He even helped her blow it dry. They were both dressed professionally when they were seated at the breakfast bar.

Mrs. Jones asked, "Miss Steel, what would you like for breakfast?"

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could I have pancakes and bacon?"

Christian said, "Sounds good, Miss Steel; I'll have two eggs with mine, Mrs. Jones."

Ana's cell phone went off. It was Christian's mom asking them to dinner on Wednesday and at the same time, Christian was talking to his dad about going to a Mariners game the following Monday."

They smiled at each other and both said yes.

Last night had been what they needed, just to be with each other without pressure. Ana kissed Christian good bye out in front of SIP. Christian was immediately in the throes of passion. She smiled and waved good bye as Sawyer opened the door for her.

Christian attended his standing appointment at Dr. Flynn's office on that Tuesday afternoon.

John said as Christian entered the office, "You look happier?"

"John, I think it was easier when there were no expectations. Last night she made love to me. She asked me if she could, and what was I suppose to say, don't touch me, I'm not ready? Fuck, I don't know if I'll ever be ready. She is a very persistent woman. I think if I had said no, she would have found a way to do it anyway."

"Before you go any further, did she harm you?" He said with a smirk.

"No, that is not the point."

"Then what's the point?"

"The point being, my good man, that no one has ever taken me to a place of such fulfillment before. I always do the fulfilling, but she took me to heaven, nirvana, or paradise, whatever you want to call it. She touched me slowly with purpose. She kissed and licked my nipples until they were hard, something that I think surprised her. Certainly she must know our anatomy is the same. Then again she probably never read a medical book, always had her nose stuck in a nineteenth century romantic novel. The most erotic thing she did was to take my penis between her breasts and work me off. It was stimulating, and my cum went all over her face and in her hair. She looked so self-satisfied that, when I relaxed, I didn't want to move from that moment.

"Did you thank her for this wonderful experience?"

"After I told her it was another first, I went to work on her exquisite body. Yes, I took her to the same place she had taken me. Am I more relaxed knowing she is committed to me? Because I know she is going to marry me? I seemed to be more relaxed and can enjoy new things; maybe it is not enjoyment, but just allowing experiences to happen to me, instead of being in control the entire time. Am I changing, John?"

"I think you have a long way to go but, if Anastasia can make you relax during sex, you are making progress. Do you still have your security guards? I bet you know everything she sees and does at work. You're a major control freak. Surprisingly, you gave up that control for one minute in the bedroom."

He grinned, "It was more than a minute. You're right about my control, but lately so much seems to be out of my control. Speaking of control, my mother wants to discuss the wedding tomorrow night. I don't want a confrontation with her."

"Do you think Grace will discuss Elena in front of Ana?"

"No, my mother is too civilized, but it will be the first time being back in the house since my birthday."

"Don't you have good memories of that night, like the boathouse filled with hearts and flowers?"

"Yes, I guess I should concentrate on that."

"Do you want a grand wedding?"

"I don't think Ana wants one, but then I'll find out tomorrow night. John, am I making progress? I'm always storming in here with another crisis on my hands."

"Christian, you're figuring out what kind of life you want. You're opening your life up to include Ana. I know these are stressful times and really good times. You wanted to marry Ana, and she said yes, but you're a "rush into the fire" kind of guy. You're doing the best you can. I'll never say that you're not going to fail, but you're sincerely trying to be considerate of Ana and her feelings and your own. It's strange and new. Just keep coming and talking. I feel it does help ground you. Do you feel calmer now than when you walked in the door? I also think it helps seeing Ana right after our sessions."

"Yes, you're right. I used to jump all over her when she got in the car. I'm still learning about her moods, wants, and needs, both sexual and non-sexual. Before I go, I'm going to ask her to move her things into the penthouse. I don't know if she is paying Kate rent or not, but I know everything in the penthouse is mine. We need more of Anastasia in the penthouse."

"Good idea, Christian. Will I see you tomorrow?"

"No, I'll see you Thursday, but bill me for tomorrow. You probably need a little more time with Rhian and the boys."

Christian left, giving John time to write notes. This day was easier for John than most because there was no big Christian crisis. He seemed calm, John wrote. He also noted that Ana had taken Christian to paradise, and he had been a willing participant. Everything was going great, no nightmares, no days without sleep, and his ability to articulate his feelings was increasing. Christian appeared to be less self absorbed and more able to embrace to the world he lived in.

CHAPTER - 6

Wednesday night after work, Christian picked Ana up. They headed out to his parents house in Bellevue with Taylor and Sawyer in the front. It was becoming so natural having both of them around that Ana forgot about them, just as Christian predicted when Ana was self- conscience around Taylor.

"You look a little nervous about tonight."

"Christian, shouldn't I be? I have never planned a wedding before or been a bride. I do have news about my dress. Mrs. Kavanagh would like to make my wedding dress. Before you go all ballistic on me, she has a company that does custom wedding gowns. I promise you that I'll not embarrass you when I walk down the aisle."

"My God, Ana, you could wear a gunnysack and look gorgeous to me." He picked up her left hand, kissed her knuckles and then her oval diamond. platinum engagement ring. She felt it go straight to her groin and wondered if they would have sex in the boathouse. Maybe even a good spanking!

There was no one to greet them at the front door so they walked in. Christian called out to Grace and Carrick. He saw them in the backyard, so they walked through the house. Christian went into the kitchen and poured some white wine before heading out.

Grace said as they opened the door, "There they are. You'll forgive me if I don't get up; it has been a long day that started early. You look lovely, Anastasia; I thought maybe you would be dressed more casually tonight."

Christian gave his mother a kiss on the cheek and a squeeze on her shoulder. He gave his father a sneer because he was still pissed at him for making Ana feel awkward about the prenup.

Ana said, "I didn't change from work. I hope you don't mind but I'm taking my shoes off. These shoes have been killing my feet all day. It's really weird; I'm wearing these for the first time, and I have pain. All my other shoes have fit perfectly."

Grace wondered where Ana had gotten the shoes.

Christian kneeled down and removed her shoes. Grace and Carrick were amazed that Christian started to rub Anastasia's feet without a second thought. They had never known Christian to touch anyone, other than handshakes and occasional awkward hugs, except for the night he returned after Charlie Tango when down. They remembered Christian pulled Ana into his lap, and she nuzzled his chest. Grace and Carrick were shocked by their closeness. It was unbelievable that Ana could easily touch Christian - something no one had been able to do his entire life.

Ana was the first to notice Grace and Carrick's reaction. Christian said, "I know this is all new to you but I want to touch Ana all the time. It's new to me and I like it," he said with a big smile. "Carrick, you want a prenup? You can either have me like I am now, or you can drive Ana away and have me the way I was seven weeks ago."

Ana tried to stop him from massaging her feet, but he just causally kept doing it, and she had to admit it felt good. Christian looked down and realized her feet were actually red. He mumbled, "Caroline Acton will pay for this."

Ana said to Christian, "Would you please get me another glass of wine." He smiled and dutifully went into the kitchen.

"Carrick, if you want me to sign a prenup, just bring it to SIP. I don't want money. I can certainly appreciate that I had nothing to do with helping Christian grow his empire and would be a fool to think I was entitled to any of it if our marriage doesn't work out. I only want to be with the man I love. He is so charismatic and broken at the same time. I just want him. I don't think he would give me up if that's what you want. I want to be a welcome part of your family. Please let's not start the marriage off on a sour note."

Christian had been listening at the door. Carrick said, "It's nothing against you, Ana; it's just I want to protect our boy."

Christian joined them again, handing Ana her wine. "Dad, there is something you don't know about Ana. Sorry...Baby this might be embarrassing; Dad, she gave up everything to be with me. She gave me her virginity." Ana turned red, and Grace and Carrick looked like they had been hit with a sledgehammer.

"Christian, stop, poor Ana! You just divulged the most intimate information," Grace scolded him.

"But don't you see she gave me her worth, everything that is precious to her, and I want to give her everything. Certainly what I can give is not as precious as what she gave, but I want to give her everything."

Ana had tears coming down her face and ran into the bathroom.

"Christian look what you have done to Ana," Carrick said.

"You're just as bad, Dad, making her feel like a cheap gold-digger."

Grace went into the kitchen and found Ana horrified. "He loves you, my dear, and I have never seen him so open to explain why he won't do what his father wants. You really do love my son. I have one question and, if you don't want to answer then it's alright. Did you give yourself to my son because he is Christian Grey or because you loved him?"

"Grace, I was very inexperienced and I fell head over heels the first time I saw him. I had no idea who Christian Grey was. But he is so complicated; and what he just did was so inappropriate, but it was wondrous to know that he knows how much I gave him."

"You're going to make Christian the perfect wife. You see him as no other has." Grace gave Anastasia a kiss on the cheek. They walked onto the patio together. Christian got up and held Ana for a long time. "I'm so sorry," he whispered in her hair.

After dinner, the discussion about the wedding began in earnest. Everyone agreed that July 30 was the perfect day, even though Christian didn't want to wait that long. At least that would give Grace enough time to get the invitations out. Ana told them no more than a hundred people. Christian wanted pale pink, ivory and silver as the wedding colors. Ana didn't care about the colors, thinking Christian was much more sophisticated than she.

Christian told Ana, Grace and Carrick that he had talked to Ray and Carla. They had agreed to let him pay for the wedding. He hoped that no one at the table would object either.

Ana said, "I love you and thank you for talking to my parents. The only thing I'm paying for is my dress. I can't thank you enough, Christian. Also Grace and Carrick, I can't tell you how grateful I am that you have volunteered your beautiful home for the wedding. I know this is a significant amount of work for the Grey family, and I do appreciate all your time and effort."

Ana continued, "You all have planned events before, but this is my first. I have only been at my job a few weeks and need to work. I will answer any and all questions, but Christian knows more about what he wants than I do. I just want simple and elegant. No doves, no ice-carved swans and please, no bride and groom on the cake, no matter how much my mother demands it. I want Christian's day to be perfect because, if he is happy, then I'm over the moon."

"I'm sorry, Ana, but you'll have a lot more to do than just to make Christian happy. I understand the boys are going to a Mariners game on Monday night. I'll work late then come over for dinner with you, if that is okay. That way we can discuss the wedding in detail."

"Grace, that will be perfect," Ana said excitedly. "I'll read a few bridal magazines for ideas. My mother and father will have their invitation list by Monday and I'll have mine ready then. Please don't worry; I doubt if it's more than fifteen people. All my friends will be in the wedding. Christian, who's your Best Man?"

"I think we have the same happy couple in mind. I have invited them out to dinner on Friday night so we can ask them together, if you haven't asked Kate already."

"You need to ask Mia to do something in the wedding." Grace challenged.

Christian answered, "Have her design the meal with the caterers, and then she can have people sign the guest book at the wedding."

"Perfect, dear boy, she will be so happy to do something for you."

"Just dinner should not be to outlandish, okay, Mom? Remember Ana's request simple and elegant."

"You two better go now, we all have a long workday tomorrow. Ana, it's always a pleasure."

Kisses were given all around as they left. In the car, Christian asked Ana if she had told Kate.

"No, Christian, I've been very busy. But I have a question for you. Why pale pink, ivory, and silver for the wedding colors? Not that I mind - I think they're perfect."

He smiled, "That is easy - pale pink for your skin, ivory because white is too sharp except for shirts, and silver or platinum is the color of your engagement ring. How does the ring feel?"

"You know it fits perfectly, just like the clothes you've bought me. I don't understand why these damn shoes hurt my feet. One more thing, why did you say that about my virginity to your parents," She whispered the last part.

"With my dad, it's all about wealth. If you were rich or going to inherit a fortune, he wouldn't have brought up the money. In my eyes, your virginity is worth a fortune to me. You gave it to me with no reservation and no strings attached, just like I'm giving my wealth to you."

"That is very sweet but, in the age we live, it's pretty impractical."

"Besides that, Ana, when you came back to me, I told you I wanted you without rules or restrictions. I meant that in all things in life. I just want you. Speaking of impractical why haven't you moved your things from Kate's into the penthouse?"

"You don't want any of my old junk cluttering up your beautiful place."

"I want your things in our house. That place is too sterile and, when the new house is finished, did you think nothing would be yours? Help me adjust to this new situation and move your stuff in. I thought we would take over some lunch to Kate's, and have you moved in by Saturday night, if that is okay with you, Anastasia."

She took his face and kissed it long and hard, not caring who was in the front seat.

It was late in the afternoon; John was doing paperwork to clear his desk before heading home. He was exasperated at himself not making better headway with one of his patients.

"Hi, Christian, just let me finish this thought and I'll be right with you."

"Take your time."

In a few minutes, John joined Christian. "How is the groom?"

"I suppose you are talking about last night with my parents. I'm still fucking pissed off at my dad. He just can't get it through his head that I'm in love with Ana, and I'm going to marry her without a prenup. I even told my parents that what she brought to the table was more important than money, her virginity. He still didn't get it."

"Wait a minute Christian, you told your parents you deflowered a virgin for her wealth?"

Christian said matter of fact, "Yes!"

"Was Anastasia in the room?"

"She was sitting right next to me while I was rubbing her feet."

John just put his head in hands and shook it.

"What is wrong with what I did?"

"You told Anastasia's private secret. Women do not want their virginity hauled out in front of parents like a prized cow. How did Anastasia feel?"

"She cried."

"What if she had told your parents that you beat the shit out of her? Your adolescent brain is working overtime. How could you be so inappropriate?"

Christian looked shocked at John. Somehow he could not comprehend what he had done was wrong.

"Christian, how did you think that it was okay to embarrass your love?"

He smirked and shrugged his shoulders, "I guess I didn't think."

"What did Ana say when you talked about it later?"

"We haven't really talked a lot about it."

John could say nothing more and leaned back, throwing up his hands in a giant gesture of aggravation.

"I apparently committed a large sin, wasn't I supposed to bring it up?"

"I see we aren't getting anywhere with this subject. Any other stories you want to tell me, or are they just as idiotic as the last one you told me?"

"I don't get why you're all upset. I was just making an analogy with her virginity. What's the fucking big deal?"

"How was the rest of your dinner with your parents?" John hoped he was changing the subject.

He rambled on a good twenty minutes about the wedding plans.

"So you think you are working toward the goal of marriage?"

"Yes, we still have issues."

"Do you think that it would help to discuss them with me?"

"I'll ask her."

"Are you going on a honeymoon?"

"Stupid question, John, I'm taking her to Europe for three weeks. Since I'm the new boss of her company, I know she can take the time off."

"Cute, Christian, is she still angry about you buying SIP?"

"Of course, her promotion to acting editor has helped. And before you come down hard, I had nothing to do with it. Since the Jack Hyde incident, she hasn't said much. I told you that we found a partial print that we have not matched from the Charlie Tango incident. That is why we are still under such heavy security. I haven't shared anything with Ana. Sometimes I get so scared about who is after us. I know it is an irrationalize fear, but sometimes my mind just goes there."

"At least, you recognize as irrational."

"I have to go and think about why telling my parents about her virginity was so bad. Do you think Ana is mad, but has not been showing it?"

"She may not want to say anything because she does not want to set you off. Things are going well between you. But when you have a fight, she may throw it in your face; just be prepared. I don't seem to be helping you much today. Will I see you tomorrow?"

"No, I'm taking Ana to the Space Needle; she has never been there. Kate and Elliot will join us. I'm asking Elliot to be my Best Man, and Ana is asking Kate to be her Maid of Honor."

"Have a great dinner and a good weekend. See you Monday." They shook hands and the session ended.

Christian waited in the car for Ana to come out. When she got in he kissed her hair. "Did I embarrass you at my parents' last night about the virginity statement?"

"You must have seen Dr. Flynn today." He ranked his fingers through his copper hair and nodded.

"In the moment, I thought it was the most inappropriate comment you had ever made about me. Then, when I went to the bathroom, I realized that it was like you were a knight defending my honor. You really do understand that what I gave you all those weeks ago was a very precious gift, not just _a situation_." She leaned over and kissed his lips, not caring about Taylor in the front.

"Your mother asked me if I gave my virginity to Christian Grey or you. I told her I fell in love with you when I stumbled into your office. I knew nothing of Christian Grey."

He kissed her knuckles with butterfly kisses.

Christian went on the warpath after Ana's feet were swollen and red. He demanded that Caroline Acton bring shoes to the penthouse. There was an invasion of shoes when Caroline Acton showed up with a shoe assistant from Neiman Marcus. Taylor announced them.

Christian put on his jacket and greeted them. Minutes later, Ana came out of the bedroom after changing into slacks. Caroline Acton was a petite woman in her mid-fifties with short hair of varying shades of gray. Her demeanor was friendly and all business.

"Miss Steel, it's so nice to finally meet you. I must apologize for your shoe discomfort. Could I see the offending shoes?"

Ana fished them out of the back of the closet where she had thrown them last night after Christian carried her from the car to the elevator. Ana handed them to her unceremoniously.

"If you would please sit, Mr. Billy will measure you. I thought I had your correct size."

Mr. Billy gave her the correct number, size 8. Caroline looked at the shoe and decided that it was sized wrong at the factory. She made a note on her iPad.

Ana watched as Mr. Billy opened box after box of shoes for her to try on.

Christian said, "Ana, please don't forget our honeymoon, and you will need shoes for work and play."

Caroline turned to Ana, "Will you need a wedding dress?"

"Thank you, no, I have made other arrangements," Ana said quietly.

"When would you like to meet for your honeymoon shopping?"

Christian looked as she was standing in stilettos of powder-blue suede. Ana gave Christian a nod about the shoes and smiled. She kept trying on shoes and finally looked at Caroline.

"I really don't like shopping, Ms. Acton. Christian would be more than willing to accompany me, but I don't think he should see all my new clothes, for the honeymoon. I feel I should have a few surprises. What day is the least busy in Neiman Marcus?"

"That would be Monday afternoon." Caroline answered.

Ana went and found her BlackBerry. She checked dates found Monday, the 18th of July at two o'clock would suit her. "Would it be possible for you pick things out and have them ready for me to try on? I hope you don't mind. I'm making this effort for Christian; otherwise, I would let you send over the clothes."

"As you wish, Miss Steel, I'll be ready and waiting for you at two on July 18."

Ms. Action noted the appointment in her iPad and Ana tossed her BlackBerry to Christian to program it into her schedule. He looked up and nodded to her because the shoes she was now wearing were high gloss, Chinese red stilettos.

"Miss Steel, you are dream to shop for with your slim figure but, now seeing you in person I feel that your color is not white. Do have any colors you like more than others?"

"No not particularly, I do like your choices. I think I have a tendency to dress in monochromatic colors so more color would be nice. I tend to wear skirts and blouses to work, but I love a comfortable dress. Ms. Acton, I think you know my style better than I do."

"Thank you for the high praise. I'll do my best. Which of the shoes do you like?"

In the end, Christian bought five pairs of shoes. He would have bought more, but Ana put her foot down. Ana got three matching handbags. It was less than an hour, and the penthouse was back to the two of them. Christian told her he would work for only an hour and join her in the bedroom. Anastasia was stimulated by trying on all the shoes. She was restless and wandered the halls of the great space. Ana realized that moving a few things in would probably make her feel more comfortable and make this place feel like her home.

Ana wandered from room to room wondering where her stuff would fit in. The penthouse was elegantly decorated with expensive pieces. She was sure the library held books that he bought as investments instead of reading material. Finally she left the library and went to their bedroom. She decided to give herself a facial, thinking it might make the time pass quicker. She got naked leaving her blue Jimmy Choo skyscrapers on. Putting in her earbuds, she cranked up the music as she smeared green goo on her face. She had to wait fifteen minutes before rinsing it off. Christian had forgotten papers that were on his dresser and walked into the bedroom to see his Anastasia naked and dancing. He gaped at her being so free. He felt content that this was a sign she was at ease in the penthouse.

He forgot about work and peeled his clothes off in record time. She still had not noticed that he was naked in the room with her. The more he watched, the stronger his hard-on became. He moved like a cougar, stalking his prey, and staying out of view of the mirrors; which was hard to do.

Finally, she turned around and saw him there, hungry and yearning. He looked at her face and burst out laughing. She took out an earbud and put it in his ear. She moved her hips to Blue Money by Van Morrison. He grabbed her hips and they grooved together. He moved his hands to her ass as he massaged her flesh. He started to lick her breasts since they were so much higher than usual because of her impossibly high heels.

The song went on repeat and he inserted a finger in her vagina. She was hot, and she wanted him, but he decided to let her do it to herself. She got the message and started to grind hard against his finger, and then he slowly inserted another. She was moving up and down and around and around on his digits. Finally, she backed away, turned her back, and bent over the vanity. The iPod landed softly on a towel. He inserted himself hard into her. Ana smiled in the mirror at Christian who gave her a wink back. He backed out and slammed into her again and again. He could feel her building as her muscles tightened around his penis. He shoved his way in over and over and, just when he was ready to collapse, she came, giving him permission to do the same.

He slithered to the floor, and she was in his lap like she had been so many times before.

"I guess that is one way to get a facial, although I would have never considered it a possibility until I met you. I need to wash this gunk off my face before my skin shrivels up. But you, my love, are never shriveled up."

She stood up, bent over the sink, and washed her face. Christian could not resist the view; spread her legs and starting to lick her beautiful secretions. With the last of the green goo off, she sank to floor, bringing her legs up and wrapping them around his body.

"Christian, why?"

"Because you love it and I want more!"

He licked and sucked as he grew bigger, then he slammed into her, scooting her across the floor with his thrusts. She was building and building to his very strong beat.

"I want you, Ana, please, please give it to me."

She shoved down on him, and he released on his last few pumps, crashing onto her breasts. He was panting, and his knees were killing him from the hard surface. She stroked his hair and wondered if he liked doing it on the bathroom floor.

"I wasn't going to take a shower until morning; however, now that we have cleaned the bathroom floor with our bodies, we better clean ourselves."

When he pulled her up into his arms, he kissed her softly and gently. He turned on the shower and said, "Ana, you better take off your blue suede shoes."

As she woke in the morning, too hot with Christian nuzzling her right breast in his sleep, she felt at peace. Sleeping with Christian was a good thing. Christian woke to find her giant nipple staring at him. He gave it a gentle kiss through her silk gown and looked at Ana.

"Always so eager, Miss Steel."

"I had nothing to do with that! You were the one - who did that in your sleep."

"At least, I can get something right in my sleep."

"Have you always had trouble sleeping?" She looked down at him with compassion.

"Yes, I think so but, since you have invaded my bed I do sleep more and, can I say better," as he continued to suck her nipple that he pulled free from the gown.

"I hate to break up this little lovefest between you and my body, but its Friday, and we need to go to work."

"You really know how to put a damper on things, my dear."

As Ana worked, she could still feel his warm breath blowing across her nipple. It was disconcerting and hot at the same time. While Christian was in a boring meeting, he kept stroking his pen like he did on her nipple this morning. His mind just drifted away. Sometimes Ana took over all his thoughts, making it difficult for him to think or to keep track in meetings.

Ana was concentrating at her desk when her assistant Hannah, showed in a deliveryman. He was carrying parcels from Neiman Marcus. Caroline Acton sent a pale pink halter cocktail dress, beautiful pink stilettos from Jimmy Choo, and pale pink silk undergarments. The dress fit like a glove, and the matching shoes were very comfortable. The next delivery was from Cartier, a pale pink diamond solitaire necklace and earrings.

**From: **Anastasia Steel

**Subject: **It's a pink day

**Date: **June 24 2011 03:30

**To:** Christian Grey

Thank you for all the finery. Never thought pink was my color; you'll make a judgment on that tonight. Thank you for the hard right nipple all day.

Yours

Anastasia Steel

Action Editor, SIP

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **In the Pink too

**Date: **June 24 2011 03:33

**To:** Anastasia Steel

I can't wait to see you. Maybe the dress will be skin tone and you will be standing in front of me naked like last night. Only a few hours until I see you.

Would you stop interrupting my thoughts at work?

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

They were seated by the window looking at Seattle at their feet. Ana had never been to the Space Needle and now, looking down, she felt a little light headed. The restaurant was sparkling in style and appearance.

"I think you look beautiful. You're just as soft as a cloud. The dress with the halter top bodice and full skirt, maybe a little short for my taste, but you're a great view.

"You're supposed to be looking at the view of Seattle not at me and, for heaven sakes you know what is under the dress."

"Yes, that's the point; I do know what is under the dress, and I want more."

Anastasia's face was now pinker than the dress when Kate and Elliot came to the table. Elliot leaned over, giving her a kiss on bright pink cheek. And Christian just brushed Kate's cheek.

"I see my brother is up to no good and embarrassing the hell out of you, Ana."

"You look gorgeous, Ana," Kate said in a smoldering violet dress. "Stand up so I can see your dress." Ana shoved the chair back and did a little spin. I must admit you look better in a halter dress than I do. And look at you…all done in diamonds."

"The diamonds are not my doing; blame the gazillionair next to me. But, of course, you look hot too. I think half the patrons in here turned to see the two blond beauties walk in."

"Thanks, Ana, of course, I would have to agree with you about Elliot, but I just pulled this old sack over my head."

Ana and Kate giggled like little girls, which they both were not too long ago. Christian signaled the waiter to bring the Cristal to the table.

After the Cristal was poured, Christian said, "Here is to our Best Man and Maid of Honor."

The glasses clinked, and the bubbly was consumed when Kate said, "I thought you had forgotten all about me. If you had not asked by next week, I was going to demand to see you."

Elliot put his glass down and walked around the table to give his brother a hug. "Theoretically, I was to marry first, but you beat me again. You were the first to make a million dollars, and now you're the first to bring a wife into the family. Of course, you picked the best man and woman for the job. I know it is a dirty job, but at least with us, we will give your wedding some style and class."

Christian answered, "I know you think we have always been in some kind of competition, but Ana is off limits. Christian said with a snicker. "The millions – yes, and I'll always make more money than my older brother. But someday I hope to return the favor when you need a Best Man, of course, I'm the better man." He winked at Elliot.

Elliot sat next to Kate and kissed her on the cheek.

Anastasia said, "I want to propose a toast to Christian. (She lifted her glass.) What can I say to the man who has made a woman out of me? Thank you. I'm yours any way you'll have me."

Christian's lips were salivating as their glasses clinked and they took a sip. He felt her thigh under the table. She did not stop him like at his parents' house or at his club, and as his hand slid up her thigh, he found she had no panties on and, for the first time, Ana saw Christian blush.

He leaned over and said, "You're a very bad girl who I need to spank."

She whispered back, "It's a good thing I found those silver balls."

Ana was getting high marks for shocking Christian. Under the table where the real action was taking place as dinner went on. Ana invited Kate to join her and Grace for dinner at the penthouse on Monday while the boys were at the Mariners game.

The views from the Space Needle were exceptional, and the company was fun. Dinner was great. It was grand to be with Kate and their men. It was not until the end of the evening when Ana ask if Kate was going to be at the Pike Street apartment tomorrow that tensions built.

"Kate, I haven't lived at the apartment in awhile and in five weeks I won't be there anymore. I need to settle accounts with you and collect my things."

"You owe me nothing. What time do you want to come?" Kate said in resignation.

"Please don't be mad. You're so dear to me. We have spent almost the last four years together and now we are both moving on in our adult lives. For the life of me, I don't know why Christian wants me to bring my old university stuff to his penthouse because it's so pristine and beautiful."

"Ana, I want you in my penthouse, my bed, and in my life. I want your things around you so you feel more comfortable. Kate, we are bringing lunch and will I see my brother there, or are you not sleeping with him?"

Elliot said, "I'll do my duty and see you both tomorrow at eleven. Of course, my little bro, might need help lifting boxes, because I'm sure the only kind of exercise he gets is with his dick."

More blushing went around the table. When they took the elevator down, Taylor and Sawyer were waiting.

Christian said, "What do you want to do with the rest of your evening? It's still early."

"I need to pee and take these balls out." She whispered in his ear. "This is the longest I have held them. After fucking you, I want to find a beach and go for a walk out in the fresh air. Could the two of us do something different, other than stay held up in the clouds?"

He walked over to Taylor and talked with him.

They went back to Escala where she was sure that she would be dragged into the Red Room of Pain, but he led her to their bedroom. She came out of the bathroom, and he was sitting on the bed with no pants, shoes, or socks. She walked by and he stood up and unhooking her dress. As it fell to the floor, the only thing she had on was thigh-high stockings and shoes. In one swoop, she ended up on his naked lap.

"How many infractions do I count tonight? One, no panties then he hit her butt hard and she did not yelp, but turned and smiled at him. Number two, for allowing me to touch you under the table, another swift slap, still no reaction. He wondered what was going on. Then, without warning, he slid a finger in her vagina finding her sweet spot and slapped her again. Instead of giving him the reaction he wanted, she went into a mind-blowing orgasm. He was so shocked that he couldn't tease her more and pulled the silver balls out, which prolonged her orgasm. He waited until she was still to turn her over.

"Was that orgasm good," Christian said sarcastically.

"No, it wasn't, what did I do wrong?" She scrunched her face disappointedly.

"Baby, it is all about anticipation, and you had the silver balls in way too long. You probably would have exploded on the way home if I inserted my finger in you. Maybe this will teach you what you want is control, self discipline, and anticipation. You gave yourself the orgasm. I was going to fuck you, but not now. If you had signed the contract, I would be beating the shit out of you. But you got what you wanted. What you did at dinner was masturbate." He said with a little disgusted in his voice.

"Christian, I don't get it. I thought you worshiped my orgasms; at one time, you even counted them. I thought I was giving you pleasure by taking control."

He dumped her on the bed and started to get changed to go to the beach. "Well your plan backfired. I didn't get pleasure from your pleasure because it was too soon. You wanted me to spank you and then fuck your brains out. But the minute I touched you, it was all for your pleasure. Did you kiss me or play with me or even talk dirty? No, you wanted me to spring into action. Our relationship is changing, and sometimes I just want you without the devices. Is that wrong, Anastasia?"

She sat on the bed and then took her shoes and stockings off. "Oh, Christian, you're right. It's about anticipation and longing. I was wrong and didn't know. Can I kiss you?"

"Look, Ana, you have changed me, and spanking for pleasure is almost a new thing. I'm trying to control my harsh desires and learn to love you. It was fun thinking of kinky things at the restaurant but, when I took you across my knee and you didn't act surprised or even shocked, I knew there was no longing or desire. That is why I just let you come. I want you to want me, not just the acts I can perform on your body. I'll wait for you out in the foyer; just take a sweater as it will be cool by the water. And for God sakes, pee again," he said in disgust.

Ana hurried, putting on jeans, tee shirt, and her Converse, then went back to the toilet. She grabbed a sweater that Christian had laid out for her.

They were silent for an hour in the car as Taylor and Sawyer drove to the beach. Ana wondered how the evening went so wrong.

When they finally arrived at the beach, the night air was chilly. Christian began to walk before Ana was out of the car. She walked about five feet and waited for him to turn around. When he did, she walked up and took his sweet beautiful face in her hands.

"I know that I'm inexperienced when it comes to sex. I only know what I learned from you. Tonight I wanted you to believe that I could plan something, and we could be happy together. I am sorry." She kissed him and, finally, she parted his lips and searched his mouth with her tongue. When she broke it off, she said, "Being in love is one giant learning curve."

This time he was the one who kissed her. "Now do you understand about longing and desire? If I could, I would fuck you right now. Let's walk and just enjoy the evening."

They walked about an hour and climbed back into the SUV for the ride home, Ana said, "Can we stop and get some ice cream? And why pink diamonds?"

"Taylor, please find an ice cream parlor that is still open for Miss Steel."

He nodded and they started to drive.

"The first time I spanked you, your butt looked like it had been dipped in pink diamonds."

The next day, she didn't get up until ten. She had gotten her spanking and sex, which lasted into the early morning. Christian wore them both out and didn't get up until nine…setting him behind at work.

By eleven, they had arrived at Kate's. Elliot was still in bed as Kate came into Ana's bedroom to see what was going on. She said, "You're really moving out?"

"Look, sleeping beauty with the just fucked hair. I haven't lived here in a month. I've written a check for a $1000 and I think that should be fair. I really want you to have the money. Use it to spoil yourself or go away for the weekend with your man. Do you want the white iron bed and wicker set? I can leave it here or Taylor will take it away. Do you know he got some crazy idiot to pay $24,000 for my VW?"

"I heard from the rumor mill that was the amount you paid for a weekend at his house in Aspen."

Ana laughed, "I think the rumor mill was right for once."

"I'm not proud, Ana; I'll take your money and your furniture so when I have guests, at least, they will have a bed. Do you need boxes?"

"No, Mrs. Jones is organized and had plastic tubs, tape, and bubble-wrap waiting for us this morning, and lunch for six. I'm sure Ethan and Mia will be wandering in at any moment. Can we get some music going?"

Christian had been patiently waiting when he said, "Okay, Ana, you've had your gabfest, with Kate, so what do you want me to do? Are you leaving the bedding on the bed?"

"Yes, but I'm taking the quilt my mother which she made when I was sixteen, and I was hoping to find someplace to display it."

Christian folded the quilt and placed it in a plastic bag, thinking it would look nice folded over the chair in their bedroom.

The next hour, Ana held up clothes to Christian as he repacked her books out of cardboard into plastic tubs. When it came to clothes, most of them went to the Salvation Army. She did save some casual clothes in case they went hiking or camping.

It was nearly one o'clock when Elliot showed up at Ana's bedroom door wearing nothing but shorts. Ana could see why Kate was gaga over him, with his tall body-builder physique and the blond mop on top of his head. The brothers had a lot of attributes in common. Ana tried not to blush, but Christian said, "Don't tell me you are getting wet over his body."

She blushed. "Why would I want to do that when I have the better body right here?"

Christian slapped her on the butt, forgetting about last night and she winced. Elliot saw Ana's expression, but did not want to but-in like usual. For one split second, he thought Christian might have hit her but, when he saw her smile, his heart was eased.

They were eating lunch when Mia and Ethan showed up. They had been bike riding, they were famished. The lunch and champagne were enjoyed by all.

CHAPTER - 7

Christian, Elliot, Carrick, and Ethan left for the ball park at four with Taylor driving. It was the boys' night out. When Sawyer brought Anastasia home from work, she changed into jeans and her favorite new short sleeve silk tunic of soft teals and yellows in an abstract pattern when something caught her eye! She spotted her mother's quilt folded on the back of the chair in the bedroom. She picked it up and it smelled like sunshine. Then she checked the drawers that Christian had cleared out for her things, and everything smelled freshly laundered.

"Mrs. Jones, you're a miracle worker when it comes to cleaning. Thank you, my mother's quilt has never smelled so fresh."

"Ana, it's my pleasure, and I want to tell you that quilt is worth money. Did your mother make it?"

"When my mother moved to Texas with husband number three, she took up quilting. The marriage and the quilting were both short-lived. My mom is coming to the wedding so you can tell her yourself. I'm going to make a gin and tonic and wait for others to arrive. I know you made something special for dinner. I'm not sure how you could possibly beat the terrific picnic you prepared for us on Saturday. Your fried chicken and potato salad were the best ever. Christian ate four pieces, but you must know that it's one of his favorites, and that is why you made so much chicken. Thank you."

Ana watched Gail as she made the drink so she would know where to get the liquor when she wanted one on her own. "Do you want lime or cucumber?"

"I've never had it with cucumber. Do you know which gin to use?" Gail smiled.

Ana was sipping her gin and tonic with cucumber that was very refreshing. Grace arrived then Kate with her mother. Mia showed up last.

"Dr. Grace Trevelyan-Grey, I would like to introduce Kate's mother, Mrs. Cassandra Kavanagh. Cassandra, this is Christian and Elliot's mother, Grace." They shook hands. Grace thought that Cassandra may be her son Elliot's mother-in-law someday.

The conversation started about the wedding. Mrs. Jones made drinks and then served dinner without missing a beat. Anastasia felt comfortable in the penthouse, maybe because all of her possessions were in one place. Maybe because, at long last, she could entertain comfortably in Christian's surroundings or maybe because she was in the company of women - something she needed to strive to do more often.

That night she was measured for her wedding dress, picked out the ivory silk for the dress and fine Italian ivory lace for the overlay. All of her favorite women helped her make many decisions. Mia had researched, chosen the meal and already had procured Christian's approval. She even consulted Gail, who made suggestions to enhance the dining experience.

Grace had talked to Ana's mother, Carla; it was Carla's idea about the napkins, to have only the bride and bridegroom's first initials entwined. Ana had a revelation about her wedding present for Christian. She would have a jeweler design platinum cufflinks with their first initials entwined.

Ana was happy and brought decisions to a halt when she mentioned José would be the photographer. She had already called and asked him. He told her he would do it only if Christian agreed. She knew it would be a big feather in his cap and money for his education. Ana loved her friend and only wanted the best for him.

Men stormed into the penthouse around nine with sad looks because the Mariners had lost, but Ethan had caught a foul ball. Ana ran all the decisions by Christian and he approved of all of them. He realized that José was a talented photographer from his own photo shoot at the Heathman Hotel and from the photos he had taken of Anastasia that Christian adored and couldn't wait to hang in the new house. Mia and Ethan were the first to leave. The others stayed having coffee and dessert.

While they were getting ready for bed, Ana said, "I know why you like it up here so much."

"Why," he smiled.

"When you get over the intimidation of the size and style of the penthouse, you can appreciate the people you have in it."

"My God, she is making another profound statement, like raising the ordinary to the extraordinary," Ana blushed.

The first time Ana met Christian at Grey House, after she regained her composure from her stumble, when she looked around the room she noticed Christian's art work. That is when she said the comment about ordinary to extraordinary.

"You're teasing me, and I like it. I felt comfortable here tonight entertaining guests and when move into our new home, I hope it will have a little more ease and charm than this place."

"Ana, I never thought I would have someone share the penthouse with me other than subs. I think you have given the penthouse its glow. You have certainly lit up my life."

He was in bed waiting. "I had fun tonight with the boys. I don't know where Ethan fits in, but he does fit in. What do you think about Mia and Ethan together?"

"Let me turn off the light and get close to you. Mia is nuts about Ethan, but I think he thinks it's too early to get serious; only time will tell, but they are a good match. She will keep him from being too serious, and he will keep her grounded."

"I can read people in business, but you can read their relationships. Do you think Elliot and Kate will be permanent?"

Ana gave her opinion, "I think the two of them are in it for the long haul, but, at this point, I think it's all about the fun. Are you ready for some fun tonight or in the morning?"

He was wrapped his arms around her and already was making the sweet sounds of sleep as Ana finished speaking.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011 as Christian entered, he noticed that John's office had been painted. It was still green, only lighter and airier. "I see you took my advice and painted the place, and I also like the new rug. Oh, I get it; you took out the carpet and replaced it with a wood floor, nice job."

"Does anything ever get past you? Not one of my patients noticed the changes, just you. Did you have a nice Fourth?"

"Ana and I spent the afternoon with my parents making endless wedding plans. Do you know how much planning actually goes into a wedding? We stayed to watch the fireworks. I think Taylor and Sawyer were about to have a cow when the fireworks went off. We all made it home safe and sound."

"I know you aren't here to discuss redecorating or the 4th of July, so what's up, old man?"

"I'm worried."

After a minute passed, John finally said, "About what?"

"I know that she has agreed to marry me, but can I really make her happy?"

"Does she show any signs of being unhappy?" Christian shook his head.

"Then maybe you are the one who is unhappy."

"I'm afraid that I will drag her down with me in my own pit of hell."

"She won't let that happen, Christian. When you retreat into your dark hole, she follows to drag you back into the light. But this is not what is bothering you, is it?"

"I want her, and I feel so close to her, but I also feel that I'm not good enough. I have done terrible things to women and what if I revert back to who I was before?"

"Did you beat Ana, again?"

Christian's eyes bugged out of his head, "NO, for God's sake, no. I would never do that again."

"Then where is all this fear coming from?"

"I just don't think I'm man enough. I know I can give her material possessions and, hopefully, always protect her, but I don't know about matters of the heart; for years, I never thought I had one. How can I give her love when I'm not sure where it comes from? I'm desperate to be around her, but this fear is chewing me up. She is my more, but…I don't know how to show it."

John looked at him and saw the wounded boy, still needing his mother, sitting on his couch. "What do you want, Christian, "happily ever after" written in blood? You of all people know that life is unpredictable and has no guarantees. You have conquered so much in life, mostly without love, but now you have to face an uncertain future with love which makes this time in your life painful and fearful. If this was business, you would figure out the best strategy and follow a plan. Tell me your plan now for conquering your fear of love."

"I have to believe that, when she tells me she won't leave me, she will not leave."

He didn't speak. John didn't know whether or not Christian was thinking or had given up. So he just let him be still.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, he said, "Maybe I have to start believing in the power of her love."

He went back to silence, and John said, "What about the power of your love?"

Christian said quietly, "The power of my love?" As he was trying to figure out what the words meant.

Finally, he looked up at John with a soul-wrenching look and said, "I have power in love?"

John waited again. "Yes, Christian, your love has power. You found that power when you gave Ana space to come back to you. You found the power to tell her you were a sadist, which we both know is untrue. You also knew your power when you asked her to marry you. Now she is neatly housed in your penthouse. What is the problem, Christian," he said with more force!

He said, "What if…?"

John became unglued and ran his fingers through his long black hair. "We don't discuss 'what ifs' in therapy. You know this, Christian. Damn it. You're breaking the number one rule. What the fuck is up, Christian," he roared.

"I found out today Jack Hyde was behind the sabotage of Charlie Tango. It was his print that was found on helicopter. He tried to molest Anastasia and I fired his ass. How can I protect her? Does he want to harm me, Ana, or both of us?"

"Christian, this is news; will you tell her?

"No, it would do nothing but upset her. I don't want her upset before the wedding."

"Why would you be upsetting yourself like this? You have enough money and security to protect her. Is there more?"

"Only that they found things about my family on Hyde's computer at work. I was hoping that, when we leave the country Jack would be found and I could stop worrying."

"Christian, do you feel better now that you told me?"

"Yes, I guess it had nothing to do with love. It just had to do with my fear and my need to protect Ana."

"Let's also say your need to control, Ana."

"Yes, I always need to control everything. It's amazing that before Ana, my life was controlled and now, with her, its chaos even sometimes at work. Ana is very much an independent woman. How did I ever think she was submissive material? You have given me much to think about as usual. I better go because I need to pick Ana up and, with Jack out there, I don't want to be late."

"She can't drive herself?"

"John, my staff takes her to work and picks her up. If Hyde could get to my helicopter, which is under twenty-four hour surveillance, then he certainly could tamper with her car in an open parking lot with no surveillance."

"True, but you aren't giving her any alone time. She is watched constantly."

"That may be true, but she hasn't complained too much. I think she is doing better since she has moved her possessions into the penthouse."

Christian stood up and stretched his large frame that shrank once he had thoughts of Ana.

Wednesday July 13, when Ana saw Kate come into the great room she said, "Oh, Kate, it has been ages. You look well, and how's Elliot?"

As they hugged she said, "He's doing great, and we're doing great. Where is Christian?"

"He had a meeting of some kind and I wanted to see you. Thank you for coming on such short notice. We have the place to ourselves for a few hours. I've missed just girl time. I know that the wedding is taking up most of my time, along with work and Christian. What do you want to drink?"

"Where are the mixings, I want to make Cosmopolitans?"

They walked into the kitchen and, with a little snooping, they found all the ingredients. Ana still didn't know where everything was, even after living in the penthouse for over a month. Ana found the martini glasses while Kate was busy with the shaker. Ana took a tray of finger food from the fridge that Mrs. Jones had prepared. Also she carried a pitcher of water for drinking. In the great room and nestled in the couch. Kate was blown away by the view of Seattle at their feet.

"How is your job at the Seattle Times, oh lowly intern?" Ana winked.

"We all don't have future husbands who buy the company so they can install us as from intern to an editor in five weeks."

"You forgot that I was acting editor for about a month."

"Oh, that makes it alright then?"

"I know you are teasing me, Kate, but others are pretty resentful at SIP. I can't tell Christian that or he would fire their asses, like he did Jack Hyde."

"Is Christian hard to live with?"

"Sometimes, but then I have no way of knowing what men are like to live with because I have only lived with my mother's husbands and mostly Ray, and you know he was as easy as pie to live with."

They finished their first drink, and this time Kate found another pitcher and filled it with Cosmopolitans. When she came back to the couch, Ana saw that and went for the finger food and had a glass of water.

After talking about work, family, and general gossip, Kate said. "You're my best friend, and I don't want to pry, but tell me, what was that damn submissive agreement I found?"

Ana was now on her third drink.

"We have kept each other's secrets for years. I know you will keep the one that I'm about to tell you. I couldn't tell you at first because I signed a nondisclosure agreement with Christian. When we first got together, I was considering doing what was written on that paper. Close your mouth! Then he found out that I was virgin. Oh I wanted that man. He dispensed of my virginity quickly, and I had an orgasm that rocked my world. I didn't know my body could react like that. When we were finished, I asked for more."

"You're a little brazen hussy."

"You've got that right, Kate. What Christian has done to me has changed my life. Why did I wait so long to have sex? Now it's my lifeline. I don't know if other people have sex four times a day; is that normal?"

Kate's mouth flew open, "Wow, four times a day. I know Christian is good looking, and most people would think he's a sex god but, in reality, he's your sex god. Where does the contract come in?"

"Like I said, I was considering doing it, after what he gave me that first night; I would have done anything to be with him. Then I slept in his bed and I knew I wanted the whole enchilada. But if he only wanted me as a submissive, then I was willing to try."

"That must have been pretty hot sex for you to consider such kinky shit."

"How did I know what kinky shit was? So I did my best to think of what I would and wouldn't do. That is how I got the laptop. He wanted me to do research before I met him the Wednesday night before graduation. I certainly couldn't look up how to be a submissive on your computer. Look how you reacted when you saw the paper. You were going to kick his ass all over his parents' house, but I stopped you because, by then, the arrangement had changed."

Kate poured them each another drink and she drank hers down.

"Ana, this is all hard to take in. How could you even consider doing some of those things?"

"The first answer is for him, the second answer is for the mind-blowing sex. When you went to Barbados…?"

"I'm sorry, Ana, what do you mean mind-blowing sex?" Kate was wondering if sex with Elliot was mind-blowing.

"You certainly should know. Mind-blowing sex is where my body convulses, and I feel like I have shattered into a million pieces, only to wake to Christian's smiling face, and then he will complete his orgasm. (She giggles) What's even better is when we come together."

Kate went into the kitchen made them each one last drink wondering how she would get home knowing she has had too much to drink.

"Okay, let me ask, when did you realize that you couldn't be a submissive, and what changed?"

"Kate, you're my dearest friend and, if you ever tell anyone what I'm about to tell you…"

"Ana, I'll never betray you, even Elliot doesn't know about the contract."

"When I got back from Savannah, Christian was so glad to see me. We had great sex, and then I went to sleep. Christian has a hard time sleeping, and I heard him playing piano in the early morning. What a sad lament! I got up to investigate. He was so lost and lonely that all I wanted to do was make him whole. We talked awhile, and I consented to a harsh form of punishment, just to see if I could do it for him. He wanted me to become his submissive, and I wanted him. What I'm about to tell you is my fault, not his." Kate's eyes grew as big as saucers.

"I let him beat me with a belt. I could have stopped those six brutal lashes from the belt from ever hitting me, but I wanted to know if I could take it. I did, but the price I paid was losing Christian. I walked out on him that morning. I spent the next five days crying and not eating, but I did manage to start my new job. I've never known that kind of pain. My ass was sore for a few days, but the pain in my heart was overwhelming."

Ana started to cry, Kate tried to hold her, but she wouldn't have any pity. They both drained their drinks.

"On Wednesday, Christian sent me an email asking if I was going to José's show. I agreed to have him take me the next night. He was polite and restrained until after the show; on the way to dinner, he took me in an alley and kissed me, like there was only that moment for him to love me in. I have not had a kiss like that since. I would have fucked in that filthy alley with no shame. Anyway on the ride back to Seattle, We flew down and drove back. We talked and he told me he wanted _me_ with no contract, with no rules or devices. He wanted _me!_ My Christian wanted _me_, vanilla sex and all. He changed when I left him, and now we're getting married."

"My God, if I read this in a book, I would definitely know it was fiction. Has he beaten you since?"

"No, only a few good spankings that have ended in incredible sex. What do think of your sweet Ana, who has used most of my orifices to have sex?"

"I think you're just as hot as Christian and I think he has met his match. Has he had other submissives and is that why when I looked him up online there were never any pictures of him with a woman?"

"I'm not going to answer that because that's Christian's past and his information to share. But from what I just told you he has never been gay or celibate."

"What a horrible thing to go through alone when I was away," Kate said quietly.

"Even if you had been here, I couldn't have talked to you because of the NDA. I only ripped it up a few weeks ago. And looking back on things, Kate, I'm glad you weren't here when I was going through the rough stuff. I grew up that week. I found out what I wanted, and it turned out to be Christian. I'll never leave him even if he beat me every day, which he won't. He is the sweetest man in the world who worships my body and tries to control the rest of me."

Ana got up and got each one of them another large glass of water. They talked few minutes before Christian entered the great room. His tie was undone so were the top two buttons on his shirt. For the first time and with her new perspective, Kate saw Christian with sex oozing from every pore. Ana had said he was sex on legs, and it was right in front of her now.

Ana got up and ran into his arms. She planted a kiss on him and he had no choice but to kiss her back.

Kate said, "Christian, could you take me home? I've had too much to drink."

Christian took one look at both of them and said, "Spend the night, I insist. Do you want me to call Elliot and tell him where you are?"

"No. I'll call him when I'm in bed."

For Ana, it was funny to see Kate tipsy. She had taken Christian's advice, eating and drinking water, so she had a buzz, but she wasn't drunk. They helped Kate to the bedroom upstairs where all the subs had stayed. Ana even told her there was a clean toothbrush in the bathroom.

As they shut the door, Christian said, "I can't leave you alone for one evening without you getting into trouble. I've been in a long boring dinner and then a meeting. I am exhausted and I want to sleep. I know what you want, but it'll have to wait till morning."

Monday July 18,Ana went to Neiman Marcus. She had spent the weekend roaming the beach and seeing the temperate rain forest in Olympic National Park during the day, and being tied to a four-poster bed at night; she was tired. The weekend was supposed to be relaxing, only they didn't get enough sleep. And now the thought of trying on clothes was almost more than she could bear.

Caroline Acton was nothing but efficient. "Good afternoon, Miss Steel. I must say that I'm impressed with your punctuality. I have everything waiting in your dressing room, just this way."

She opened the door to find Christian sitting in a chair. He said to Caroline, "Please give us a minute." She left discreetly.

He gave Ana a kiss of longing and desire. "I know you are doing this for me, and I'll wait outside for you to come out. You don't have to show me anything you don't want. I just want you happy and looking good on our honeymoon. If you want me to go, I will. After this past weekend, all things except you, are boring."

"You can stay and please wait. Thank you for this. Thank you for everything. Only two weeks until you're mine, all mine." She gave him a kiss back filled with longing and desire. There was a knock on the door and Christian left for his seat in the waiting area.

"I brought you a bustier so that you don't have to change undergarments. I should ask if my choices so far have been what you needed."

"Can I call you, Caroline?"

"Of course, Miss Steel."

"I'm probably one of the few women on the planet who hates to shop. You're invaluable to me. I've developed a style now that I'm comfortable with, feeling at ease in the clothes. I was never as chic as I am now. We better get back to work, Mr. Grey has an empire to run." She smirked at Caroline.

In the next hour, she tried on dresses, shorts, tops, and bikinis. Christian talked on his cell as she modeled giving her nod of approve or a shake of the head. The pile was getting bigger. After trying on two ball gowns, both of which he liked, she chose the long flowing gown in ice blue and didn't take the other.

Ana went out to Christian. "I'm going home after our discussion about intimate apparel, will I see you there or are you going back to work?"

"I can get just as much work done at home as in the office. You look tired, I'll wait here and send Sawyer on home. We don't need two bodyguards."

Bras and panties were pretty easy, and she got an ivory satin gown and robe and ordered more stockings for work.

Ana said to Caroline, "Come to think about panties, I don't like thongs or even bikinis. I would rather have French cut panties. Thongs can cause a little chaffing. I would also like a few sports bras. The bras you have picked have been perfect. I also need undergarments for my wedding. I seem to have turned into a Chatty Cathy, I like my clothes lined so I don't have to wear a slip."

"I'll make sure all the items you mentioned will go into your file."

"Sorry, Caroline, another question, do you ever shop at other stores?"

"Not usually, but I could do a little shopping on my own private time if there is something you want at another store."

"Taylor, Mr. Grey's assistant/bodyguard has bought me several things at Nordstrom's when I've been in a pinch. They are casual clothes that make me look my age."

"I'll do a field study over there and pick up a few things. If you don't like the clothes then I can always return them. When I deliver the clothes to you at the end of the week, you can show me what style you are looking for."

"Thank you, Caroline; I think we are going to be good friends."

It was over – no more trying on clothes - her honeymoon clothes had been purchased. She had bought enough clothes for the rest of the summer. No more shopping in her immediate future.

When they got back to the Escala, it was nearly five. She said, "I deserve a cocktail for trying on clothes. It's really not my thing. If you had not been there, I wouldn't have bought half the stuff. You have exquisite taste in women's clothes. Thank you."

"I'll make you a drink, what do you want?"

"Something light and refreshing please."

She took off her shoes and went out onto the narrow balcony, something she had only recently been able to do; looking over the glass railing was unsettling. He found her and handed her a drink. She took a sip and said, "This is wonderful, what is this?"

"It's a Scotch Buck, scotch, fresh lemon, and ginger ale." She put it down on the small table and kissed him.

"Why is loving you so easy?"

"I could ask you the same question, Miss Anastasia Rose Steel. Are you getting nervous about the wedding?"

"No, I'm taking it in stride, like I do most things connected to you. Where would I be without bodyguards, Caroline Acton, and my beloved CEO control freak?

"And where would I be without my smart mouth, defying, and extremely sexy girlfriend?"

"You think I'm sexy?"

Christian almost dropped his glass of white wine. "You're sexy! I kept telling you about all the men who want you and, yet, you couldn't see it. Now you are climbing high on your sexual experiences, and everyone notices. Most people say you are growing up or have become more glamorous but, honey, it's all about your sex appeal."

"I don't know what to say except that I never thought about it that way."

She stared out on the city in her new Cartier sunglasses, took another sip of her drink, and held Christian's hand. It was a perfect ending to a very tiring day.

CHAPTER - 8

Friday July 22, 2011 – Ana arrived at Dr. Flynn's office, knowing full well that Christian was inside, but confirmed it with Addie. She was polite, even introducing herself before barging through the door. John and Christian looked at each other, then John said, "Ana, come join us." Addie came to the door and John nodded at her, indicating it was okay as she closed the door; Addie was like a bulldog with John's private sessions.

She marched over and pulled out her iPod and speakers then it started to play. "Christian, I want to know what this file is that you put on my iPad. Through some miracle or by devil worship, I found the damn file named, When you went away."

Christian heard the music and tears starting flowing from his eyes. She had never seen his pain like this, so raw and real, burning her anger away. She went to him and said, "Tell me what this means, Christian, we're getting married in eight days. Please tell me."

Christian was sobbing and pointed to John.

Ana sat opposite Christian on the green couch, she waited while he was trying to gain his precious self-control.

"Are you sure you want me tell her." John asked.

Christian lifted his head and nodded. Ana just knotted her fingers in her lap, hoping she wouldn't have to look at either one of them. She knew how bad this could be since the only time she had seen him cry was the night he told her he was a sadist.

"Fuck… someone say something. I know it's bad and I've told you, Christian, I'll never leave you. But you're crying, and my heart is being ripped out of my chest." Tears were running down her cheeks.

"I didn't want to share my pain with you. How could I? I had just beaten the shit out of you and you walked out on me. How did I know that I was ever going to see you again? Our relationship was brief and so very intense; I thought it was too much for you. But it turned out to be too much for me."

John sat there watching how they interacted with each other.

"Anastasia, on that Saturday, June 4, I thought I was okay. Others had left me, some for the same reason, and I thought I could just go on. That night I went to the Seattle Art Museum Annual Fundraiser; that was supposed to be our coming out party. I was going to introduce you to my other world. I sat next to an empty chair and, by the time I left, I was so lonely and broken hearted, drinking gin and tonic. Elena called when I got home at eleven, and she tried to soothe my wounded ego, but all she did was tell me it was for the best, because you weren't meant to be my submissive."

He took a drink of water and wiped his eyes with a tissue from the box that separated them on the table. Ana was about to speak, but he held up his hand to warn her to stop.

"I went to the liquor cabinet and make myself another gin and tonic. Then I went searching for music on the radio and heard this song, Beautiful Homes, and I melted. I wanted you in that moment, and I went online and downloaded the entire album from San Francisco days San Francisco nights, that includes New Girl by Chris Isaak. I listened to the songs until I sent an email on Wednesday. The songs say it all."

He stopped talking and started to cry again. Ana had her own tears, remembering the pain she had gone through. Finally she wiped a tear and said, "That's fucking all, Christian; do you know how much pain and confusion I was in? I hated you, and I loved you, and I could not live without you. I couldn't give you what you wanted and still be me. But I couldn't live without you. There must be more to this story than these damn songs that have ripped out my heart since I've listened to them. Talk to me, Christian. I need to know before I come over there and beat the shit out of you. Talk to me, Christian," she screamed at the top of lungs.

John had never seen Christian cower and, after what seemed like an eternity, he spoke.

"I forgot about the tonic and started drinking the gin from the bottle. It was impressive to watch the great Christian Grey dancing around the great room singing, 'sorry for the things I said, sorry for the things I did, and sorry that I ever made you cry'. Then I thought, if you could take a beating, so could I. I made it to the foyer."

Ana was literally grabbing the pillow and wringing it with her fingers while John looked on. He was looking in on such a private moment, that he actually felt embarrassed.

"I broke the gin bottle on the marble floor of the foyer. I climbed my way up to the playroom where, earlier that day, I had beat the shit out of you for wanting you to be something that you couldn't. I hated you leaving me, and I hated myself for crushing you. I found the belt, took off my shirt, and then started to whip myself. I could see your tear stained face, as I would lift the belt, slashing it into my back. I have no idea how long I had been beating myself when Taylor found me and grabbed the belt. My God, was I fucking out of my mind? I have never known that kind of pain."

She almost choked saying, "You flogged yourself over me?"

"Yes, I wanted the pain of hurting you to go away."

"Why didn't you call or come for me?" She asked.

"Taylor told me to give you space to figure out what you wanted."

"What I wanted was you, but I was too confused to call. When did you call Dr. Flynn?"

"I sent him a text in my drunken stupor, something like I beat you and you fucking left. He came on Sunday morning, after Taylor had taken me to bed in the middle of the night and stayed with me. He sat in the same chair that I always pulled up to watch you sleep. Ana, I never wanted you to know how much pain I was in, but I also didn't ever want to tell you."

"Then, when you agreed to go with me down to Portland, it gave my life purpose. I'd been lost in the wilderness of pain for five days and you suddenly were there with a flashlight showing me the way. I picked you up, and I saw how you looked after losing all that weight, and I knew how much pain you were in. My heart broke all over again. After you agreed to be with me without rules, regulations, or devices, and fell asleep in my lap, I cried into your hair. Ana, I love you. I know that I can make you angry. I know can be a bully, but I can't live without you."

She got up and went to him. She kissed his tears and he did the same thing. John left the room. Ana crawled onto his lap and looked into his tear-stained face; this was her lost boy. This was the man she was going to say "I do" to in eight days. This was her happily ever after. They kissed and held each other. All words had been spoken, while Chris Isaak serenaded them in the background.

John was surprised when Taylor showed up. "It's okay; that night is over and done. Ana knows and Christian told her. It was the most emotional wrenching scene I have witnessed. They are remarkable people, Jason."

"She has healed him?"

"I don't think the bad times have gone for good, but the wedding will be one hell of a celebration. You're going to take Gail?"

"I was surprised by the invitation. I was already going as security, but they were thoughtful enough to include Gail. It will be our coming out so to speak. She has agreed to go to London with me. I know I'll be working, but we can spend our nights together. When things calm down around Mr. Grey, I'm going ask Gail to marry me."

"Well, let me be the first to congratulate you. I have always thought highly of you for your caring nature with Christian, and then with Leila. I'll see if they are ready to go."

John walked back into his office to find them locked in an embrace. "I know it's only eight days, and you have no intention of waiting until the honeymoon to have sex, so please take it out of my office and up to the penthouse. Are you both all right?"

"First, I owe you an apology, Dr. Flynn, for barging in the way I did. But I didn't think I would get it out of Christian. He can be so closed off at times. I have something to say, and I want you to hear it so you can remind him when he gets mad at me. When we left José's gallery opening and went to find a restaurant, Christian pulled me into an alley and kissed me like his life depended on it. Now I understand why. But what he doesn't understand is that I would have fucked him in the filthy alley just to have him. I know myself better. Thank you."

"Well, John, how many alleys are there between here and the Escala?" He smiled like the adolescent boy that he could still be. "I never felt that I could cry all those tears and actually feel better. See you next week. Come on, Baby, we need to go alley hopping."

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Remember tonight.

**Date: **July 27 2011 11:10

**To:** Anastasia Steel

I know you are busy so just a quick reminder that tonight is dinner at my parents' house.

Thank you for being such a good sport with my parents.

You're the best.

Only three more days until our big day!

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc

**From: **Anastasia Steel

**Subject: **How could I?

**Date: **July 27 2011 11:14

**To:** Christian Grey

How could I forget with you reminding me every five seconds? Anyway, even if I did forget, you or Taylor or Sawyer would be driving me. I almost feel like I'm living in the Bellevue house by Lake Washington, instead of the penthouse, since I'm spending so much time there.

Will I forget to drive?

Why are weddings such big deals anyway?

Faithful and forever

Anastasia Steel

Editor, Seattle Independent Press

When Ana walked out of SIP, she foundChristian waiting outside the car. This was odd because he always waited inside. Christian grabbed Ana kissed her long and passionately, something he never did in public. When he let her go he said, "I was practicing for the big day. Was that embarrassing to you?"

"I don't think you need any practice, at least, you didn't at the Heathman Hotel."

"I've never wanted anybody so much in my life as I wanted you that morning. I saw you sleep, Ana, and I fell more in love. I only knew one way to think then, and how you've forever changed me. It's a miracle? Please get in."

"Christian, I just wanted you, and I've only wanted you. When you kissed me the first time," she whispered in his ear as the car drove on, "I had not had an orgasm, but I think you gave me one in the elevator. You were so strong and beautiful and I could not believe you wanted me. I was a nobody! Don't freak out on me. I mean I hadn't made my mark on life, and yet maybe I haven't, but now I feel like I'm trying. What I mean to say is, you can take me back to the Heathman Hotel and kiss me in that elevator anytime."

Christian undid her seatbelt and pulled her into his lap kissing her for miles. They were necking, something Ana always wanted to do. Their peacefulness came to a halt when they arrived at the Greys' house. Christian helped Ana out of the car. He opened the door to his parents' house and the two of them walked through like they lived there. Everyone was in the living room. There was Ray, Ana's step father, and her mother Carla with her current husband Bob, along with Mia and Ethan, and Grace and Carrick. Ana looked around at Christian, and he had the biggest smile, with his gray eyes dancing with joy.

"I knew you would be here at the wedding, but you're here now. Why are you here?"

Mia couldn't contain her joy as Ana was hugging her family. "We're having a party tonight."

Christian sat down and then pulled Ana down onto his lap after she had hugged her mom. "Every good soon-to-be-bride deserves a bridal shower. You, my lovely girl, are no exception."

Ana buried her face in his neck out of embarrassment. "You're the most perfect man, thank you." She had no shame and kissed him to the point of embarrassment. He loved it when he broke it off. Christian carried her into the kitchen.

"You need to eat I don't want you to have a hangover. I do remember the bar scene, and don't want it repeated in my mother's azaleas. But if you had not drunk dialed me we might not be getting married."

The kitchen counter was full of food. She got a plate of what appeared to be beautiful delicacy and joined the conversation in the living room. She said, "Who cooked the food? It's beyond exquisite."

"Thank you," Mia said, "I thought I would put all of my French cooking classes to work."

"You will have to give me lessons because Christina will fall in love with this," Ana said as she offered Christian a bite and he smiled in agreement.

Slowly guests arrived. Three women from Grey Enterprises showed up: Ros with her curly red mop, Christian's operation manager and her bubbly blonde partner, Gwen, and Andrea the sleek blonde who showed Ana into his office when she stumbled, Christian's personal assistant. The presents were stacked in the living room. Lily, Mia's scowly friend, showed up with all smiles and stared at Christian until Mia nudged her in the ribs. Elliot and Kate showed up only to embarrass themselves by not keeping their hands off each other. Ana thought it was love instead of fun and games. The last to arrive were Claire and Elizabeth from SIP. They both could keep secrets when she thought about their conversations over the last few days, with both of them dropping hints, but never giving anything away.

Suddenly the men left the living room for the den so the ladies could have their own party. Mia was the perfect hostess. She had such ease and charm that Ana thought she should open her own restaurant, but didn't know how hard Mia wanted to work. Ana tried to remain calm, but the thought of playing silly games would be too much. She was still back necking with Christian in the SUV.

Ana's phone rang and she answered her BlackBerry. "Hi, Ana, this Rhian, John's wife; we were supposed to be there, but Colin, our oldest, has come down with a stomach flu. We do apologize and will definitely be at the wedding on Saturday. I'll make sure you get your bridal gift then."

Ana stood up and went to the kitchen. "Thank you for the call. I hope Colin feels better real soon. When I return from parts unknown in the world, let's do lunch. Since our husbands are good friends, we should be too."

"I would like that for my pool of friends is pretty limited."

"Mine too. Thanks for the call. See you Saturday."

Just as she hung up she got another call. "Hello, José."

"Ana, I'm coming up early on Friday. I need to scout out the wedding site for possible shots. Can I stay at Christian's?"

"My mom, her husband, and Ray are here now, and I don't know where they are staying. I'll call tomorrow and let you know. If not, we'll put you up in a hotel. But if I know you, you will want to be where the action is. Now I need to go because Mia is throwing me a surprise bridal shower, and she is staring at me right now to get back to the guests. Laters."

"Mia, I'm sorry Rhian called to say she can't make it, and then José said he is coming on Friday morning." Ana threw up her hands in exasperation.

They walked hand in hand into the living room. The women were getting to know each other; some were drinking, some were eating, and everyone looked happy when she joined them again.

The fun part was opening the gifts. There was plenty of lingerie, crotch-less and eatable panties, a pair of handcuffs with fur attached, some gel to make the body hot, but her favorite was a gift card to an ice cream store. She remembered fondly Christian eating vanilla ice cream off her body. Her mother gave her a lace robe that she had made out of her grandmother's wedding dress. Carla was a talented seamstress. Ana had always thought her grandmother's wedding dress was ugly, but the short robe was sleek, beautiful, and sexy.

The men joined them for coffee and dessert. Christian picked up the handcuffs and whispered, "Shall we give these a try when we get home?" Ana blushed scarlet. Carla just looked at her daughter, happy and being loved by such a beautiful man. She thought that they would make beautiful babies together, not that she was in a hurry to be a grandmother.

When Christian and Ana had a moment together, she said, "Where is everybody staying?"

"I don't want anybody at the penthouse. They are all staying at the Olympic Fairmont Hotel. Why?"

"José is coming in Friday morning and wanted to stay with us."

"I'll call and let him know. I've never had so many details to take care of. When are we going to write our vows," Christian asked.

Ana's eyes bugged out, "Christian, won't I do, do? It just seems like another added burden. I still have to pack for the honeymoon. You told me to pack like we're staying home; does that mean we're staying at the penthouse for three weeks?"

"Ana, I'm not going to tell you, other than the days may range from warm to hot, and nights may be chilly. You will need a few formal dresses, but that's it."

Carrick came into the kitchen where they had been hiding. "You need to say good bye to your guests. Only a few more days, and then you'll be alone without any interruptions."

Christian and Ana walked to the front door hand in hand, thanking people. Carla, Bob, and Ray had their own bodyguards to take them to the hotel. Carla said, "We're sight-seeing tomorrow, something your husband-to-be has arranged and I'll talk to you tomorrow night. The rehearsal dinner is at the penthouse Friday night. We'll see you there. I love you, talk soon." Hugs and kisses, then they were off.

Mia came and hugged them both. Ana said, "You're the best sister-in-law and one who has many beautiful talents. When your day comes in a few years, I'll be the one giving you a bridal shower."

"Ana, you're much more mature than I am. I'm still a carefree girl while you, who are only a few months older, are taking on the responsibility of my brother and a household, while holding down a full-time job. You're an amazing woman and lucky enough to snatch my brother."

Christian kissed his sister on the cheek and said, "You're growing up to Mia. I never realized how truly kind and talented you are. We need to talk about the future after our honeymoon. Thank you for all this." Then he hugged her, something that was new to both of them.

Thursday night. The battle of the wedding vows took place after Ana had hung up from Carla. Christian grew more impatient the longer she was on the phone. They're shouting, pouting, and slamming doors until the two of them hashed out what they would say in front of their wedding guests. Finally Christian stormed off to his office and closed the door, something Ana had not seen.

It was all over the word **OBEY**. Finally, when he did not come out by eleven, she went to the bedroom, took off her clothes, put on a satin powder-blue robe with her powder-blue suede shoes, which were now her favorite. She marched into his office, opening the door, dropping her robe, and walked in closing the door behind her. Christian's mouth flew open, and he hung up the phone without as much as a good-bye to whoever was on the other end.

"Two days, and you are acting like an ass. You're acting like the Christian Grey before I walked out on you." He started to stand up, and she held up her hand for him to stop. "I will not mouth, utter or, make reference to obeying you. We are equals and, when we leave on our honeymoon, we…will…be…equals. I left you because I could not sign a contract that said I had to obey you." She said with her powder-blue-eyes flashing red.

Christian was looking at her body in full blown lust. "Stop it, Christian," she frowned. "I want to get this out, because I have just about had it with your selfish and childish ways." He took his eyes off her pubic hair and looked at her face.

"I couldn't be your submissive. I can be your wife, but you have to respect me for who I am. I know you're older and sometimes wiser, but I will not now or ever obey you; do you understand," she shouted

He smiled at her and said, "Yes, I understand, but why did you come in here naked?"

She grinned and said, "I knew that I would have your full and complete attention."

"I must admit, Miss Steel, it's an effective tool in your arsenal. Now if you have said your piece, I would like to read to you what I wrote. You can continue to stand or come over here and sit on my lap."

Ana opened the door, grabbed her robe, and sat across the desk from him. She had been naked and eye-fucked by him quite enough. He started to read.

"I give you my solemn vow to be a faithful partner in sickness and health, to stand by your side in good times and in bad, to share your joys as well as your sorrows. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support your goals and dreams, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, to share my hopes and dreams with you, and bring you solace in times of need. And to cherish you for as long as we both shall live. I solemnly vow I will safeguard and hold dear and deep in my heart our union and you. I promise to love you faithfully, forsaking all others, through the good times and the bad, in sickness and health, regardless of where life takes us. I will protect you, trust you, and respect you. I will share your joys and sorrows and comfort you in times of need. I promise to cherish you and uphold your hopes and dreams and keep you safe at my side. All that is mine is yours. I give my hand, my heart, and my love from this moment on for as long as we both shall live."

He stopped talking and looked up with tears in his gray eyes.

She got up and went to his lap. "Those were the most beautiful words. I think we can do a little clean up and have beautiful vows. Where is the word OBEY?"

He held her tight and smelled her hair. "You know me; I want everything to be neat and orderly, but life is not like that, and you are not like that. You know I'm a control freak, and I knew that sooner or later you would make a dramatic entrance. I do like your dramatic entrances. I can remember talking with Flynn about how you probably weren't submissive material. I can't believe I always revert to my old self, even though I've changed. I love you, my dear Anastasia. You will not obey me, even if your life is in danger."

"Now that tonight's drama is over, let's do some editing,"

"I promise to love you unconditionally, to support your goals and dreams, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, to share my hopes and dreams with you, and bring you solace in times of need. I give you my solemn vow to be a faithful partner in sickness and health, to stand by your side in good times and in bad, to share your joys as well as your sorrows. I vow I will safeguard and hold dear deep in my heart our union and you. I promise to love you faithfully, forsaking all others, regardless of where life takes us. I will protect you, trust you, and respect you. I promise to cherish you and uphold your hopes and dreams and keep you safe at my side. All that is mine is yours. I give my hand, my heart, and my love from this moment on for as long as we both shall live."

"I think those few changes make it flow better. You're really a good writer, Christian."

"And you, my love, are a better editor. Now that it's late, can I take that robe off and use your body?"

She got off his lap and pulled him up. He leaned over and shut down his computer. As she pulled him away from the desk, she said, "There is a catch to you using my body. You need to sleep the night with me. You don't get enough sleep, and I want you fit for our honeymoon."

"Well, if you put it like that, I'm more than willing to cooperate."

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Wedding vows

**Date: **July 29 2011 10:10

**To:** John Flynn

Could you tell me whoever invented writing your own wedding vows? I would like to kick him in the proper place. Last night, we had so much upheaval at the penthouse about the word, obey. I should have remembered the battle royal that we had over Ana becoming my submissive which, if you want to remind me, she didn't agree to it, just like last night and, when you hear the vows tomorrow, there'll be no obey in them.

My wife or soon-to-be-wife can hold her own with me. I must admit great fights lead to great make up sex.

How does she always get her way?

I love that woman, but how have men lived with women for years? I was not angry at her, but I sure as hell raised my voice a lot.

Just wanted you to know that I can sound and act like any other man. I know you are laughing your ass off reading this, just wanted to add a little joy to your life.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Laughing my Ass OFF

**Date: **July 29 2011 13:14

**To:** Christian Grey

Wow I'm howling and rolling on the ground. I think you have joined the human race today. Just think of all of us little men who have put up with our wives every day. Didn't you tell me that you love Anastasia's smart mouth? After tomorrow, you will have to live with it for better or worse.

Thanks for giving your shrink a lift in a rather boring day. As a matter of fact, the next three weeks are going to be rather boring with you out of town on your honeymoon.

See you tomorrow, and I'll see if you try to slip the word obey into your vows.

John

Christian picked up Ana a little late from work, and it took Taylor three trips with the SUV, because SIP had held its own wedding shower for Ana. She had a box of manuscripts that she was taking with her on the honeymoon - after all she knew Christian wasn't going to be isolated from his work at GEH. She changed into her pale pink halter dress and pink diamonds that Christian had delivered before the Space Needle dinner.

Gail had gone all out on the rehearsal dinner. Ana walked out to find the dining room table had been transformed into a wonderland of gleaming crystal and china. She picked up the ivory china, and each dish had Christian and Anastasia Grey July 30, 2011, written on it in silver with pale pink roses around the edge. When he came into the great room, she rushed up to him. He was wearing his dark grey suit and her favorite tie. She had very fond memories of that gray tie; when they first had sex, he would use the tie so she could not touch him. Look how far they had come now she could now touch him all the time. Ana wondered if she should slip it into her suitcase for the honeymoon.

She kissed him with passion. "Like the tie. You're the best man ever. How did you find time to have hand painted china made?"

"I stayed up several nights doing it myself," he smirked.

Just then the elevator door started to open. Grace and Carrick got off first, followed by Carla with Bob on one side and Ray on the other. Then Elliot and Kate, followed by Mia and Ethan; the last out of the elevator was José carrying his cameras.

"I told you that I should have been first to get off the elevator, so I could take your pictures in all your finery."

Grace said, "We don't need every second of our lives documented - candid shots are better anyway, José."

"Dr. Grey, I just want to do a good job. This is my first wedding, and the bride is such a dear friend of mine."

Ana stepped in to his view, and his mouth dropped open. "Ana, stop; I want to get a picture of the most beautiful woman I know. Tomorrow you won't look any better than you do right now." Christian came up and put his arms around her waist and smelled her hair as José clicked away. Gail and Jason came out with Bollinger for their guests, pink champagne to go with a very pink mood.

After a very fine meal, Christian gave Ana's parents a tour of the penthouse, discreetly avoiding the playroom. Carla came back as Ana was headed out of to the kitchen. "I knew Christian was rich even reading about him online is enough to give you a headache - but this, my dear, this is over the top, and your new house will be too."

"Did you see the new house," Ana asked.

"On our tour of Seattle yesterday, arranged skillfully by your soon-to-be husband; I couldn't believe there was so much of Seattle that I'd never been to before." Then she looked over at Grace and said, "We were even taken to The Grace - what a spectacular boat!"

Grace joined the conversation and, as the three women were talking, José was clicking away. He captured the Grey brothers bantering with each other and a candid shot of Elliot touching Kate's arm as they were cuddled in conversation, and one of José best was Mia pouting at Ethan. He wandered into the kitchen for a glass of water, only to find Gail and Taylor in an embrace. He backed up, trying to be as discreet as possible, while snapping away. By eleven, everyone was headed out the door.

Gail was still in the kitchen when Ana came in. "Thank you, it was a wonderful dinner, Mrs. Jones; your pork roast was exquisite. I hope you have a nice time off next week. You deserve it with all that Christian and I have put you through. I hope I have treated you with respect. You know…this is all new to me."

"Miss Steel, and tomorrow Mrs. Grey, (Ana smiled) you're just what this place needs. You brighten this place up with your smile and your beauty. I look forward to a long and happy employment with the Greys. Tonight you looked just stunning, but tomorrow your ivory off-the-shoulder wedding dress, covered in fine lace, will be wonderful. Mrs. Kavanagh has done a grand job. I just have to say that the way you have handled Mr. Grey is admirable. He seems to be happier than I've ever seen him in the four years I have worked for him."

Christian strolled into the kitchen in his bare feet that have always been a turn-on for Ana. "What are you ladies talking about?"

Ana said, "I was thanking Mrs. Jones for the great rehearsal dinner, but we did not rehearse. Tomorrow is another day. Good night, Mrs. Jones, and is it okay to sleep with the man I'll marry tomorrow?"

"With weddings, there are so many old wives' tales. You have slept together from the very beginning, why should you break with tradition now?"

Christian smiled and thanked her, taking Ana to bed. He undid her dress, and she stepped out in nothing but pink panties, now it was his favorite dress. She was not even wearing stockings. He picked up the beautiful dress, placing it carefully on the chair. Ana was on the toilet when he came in to brush his teeth. She had just recently allowed him to see her on the toilet, even though all he could see were her feet. She joined him in the same task and then washed her face. When she was dry, he rubbed cream into her face, another thing Christian loved to do.

"Christian, tomorrow I'm yours, well no, I'm already yours. My heart is full. You were so kind to all of our families this evening. I even include José in there. Don't spoil the moment by telling me he wants me."

She grabbed his hand and walked to bed. "Can I say thank you the only way I know how to say it best?"

He looked at her quizzically.

She pushed the duvet cover to one side, and then got onto the bed on all fours. She was looking at the headboard, and then looked back at him with a salacious grin. He slowly took his clothes off, deliberately slowly. She got tired of waiting for him, so she jumped off the bed to help him remove his pants. He snaked his arms around her and said, "My impatient bride-to-be, you know slow is so much better. I've held my impatience in check all night; I do remember when you wore this dress before you had on no panties. If I recall, you were in a hurry too." He pushed her on the bed making her wait for him again. "I've been watching you flirt and flit around, paying no attention to me. So wait or play with yourself; it's all good to me."

She pouted, but his making her wait only built her desire for him more. Finally, after strutting around the room like a grand peacock, he glissades onto the bed. She was lying on her stomach, and soon his hands were on her skin as he kissed her from her neck to her ass, all the way down her spine. Finally turning her over, his hands continued their assault on her front. He sat up and kissed her breasts, giving them butterfly kisses as she squirmed. He did not care if she squirmed, for he learned last night that she was not going to obey, or at least not tonight.

"What do you want me to do to you, Anastasia," He said in his low sexy voice.

"My breasts…"

He kissed and sucked them and then, when her nipples were elongated, his tongue went to work making circles and then he would gently bite as she squirmed more. She rolled over and got on all fours again. He crawled behind her, then placed his hands on her ass and kneaded her cheeks hard.

Ana groaned, and still he had not entered her. She moved back against him, feeling his erection, and yet he did not enter. He started giving her butterfly kisses on her butt, and she swayed and moaned against him. Still Christian did not enter, and then he lowered himself between her legs, giving her clitoris butterfly kisses and blew his hot breath across her. She went into a full glorious orgasm. He slid out of the way, and then once again was behind her. He could not wait and lifted her legs to the kneeling position, and shoved his penis inside her. She groaned as he clasped her hips, shoving himself deeper inside. His pace was frantic, and he wanted to crawl inside her.

She had just had one orgasm and now, with him inside her, she could feel her body start to climb and build, not caring about him for her needs seemed to always come first. Suddenly he moved his hands from her hips to her breasts; he pinched hard on her nipples, and she yelled. He was shoving now with all of his might, and his fingers ensnared her nipples, and he said. "Please, give it up to me, Ana." On command, as always, her knees quivered, and she could not hold her body up any more and fell to earth, after being too close to the sun; with his last pump, he fell on top of her. He finally regained his awareness and lifted his body weight onto his elbows. After he was soft, he rolled over.

He licked her breasts softly once she rolled over.

"Was the wait worth it?"

"As always…you never disappoint, soon-to-be-husband. How can you always come up with new ways for me to feel special? You have never pinched my breasts that hard. It was a shock and painful, but boy was that good."

"Ana, I had no master plan like I do in the playroom sometimes, but at times your body just tells me what to do. I know how responsive you can be, and I've learned to read your body."

He finally kissed her; she had been waiting all evening to feel his tongue rolling and wandering in her mouth. She had her hand on his chest and playfully wandered around his chest hairs. She could feel him growing again as she crossed her leg over his. Round two was underway.

When she looked at the clock, it was two in the morning. She stretched and turned off the light. Once the light was off, she looked at Christian holding her and said gently, "It's our Wedding Day."

CHAPTER - 9

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Honeymoon

**Date: **August 4 2011 01:30 BDT

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

I never knew what honeymoons were for. I just mean that I thought we always had great sex, but some of our sessions have been mind-blowing. I've slept more these last few days than probably in my entire life. My wife is insatiable and she is wearing me out.

I'm a happy man.

I wish I could always be this happy.

No bad dreams just blue skies for the two of us. Thanks for tips on what do and see in Jolly Old London Town. Everyplace I go I tell them Dr. John Flynn sent me. Got to go, Ana is ready for lunch and you know what that means? I get dessert.

Christian Grey

CEO &amp; Happy, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Honeymooners

**Date: **August 04 2011 08:02 PDT

**To:** Christian Grey

Sounds like you are having fun in my old stomping ground. I do miss London and I'm completely jealous that you are there and I'm not. I must say that you are as bad as your mother about having a party. Rhian was high all day Sunday thinking about what a wonderful time she had since you cut out halfway through the party.

The Greys are Party Planners extraordinaire.

Christian you really do deserve to be happy even though you don't believe it. If Anastasia lifts your gloom for an afternoon then I'm happy, but she seems to lift it all the time now. Be happy and enjoy yourself.

Don't be on the phone all the time!

John

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **I love Paris

**Date: **August 09 2011 20:45 FDT

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

I love Paris even as a fucked up teenager I loved Paris.

We've just spent the day walking the Left Bank. Also went to some fashion houses and the Louvre, but today is just walking, eating, and being the young couple in love that we are. There has been no press, and no one seems to know who we are.

I think I'm getting to know Ana. She is much happier here than at the Escala. I'm still afraid that I'm not enough man for her. Then everyday she proves that she is more than enough woman for me.

Ana is adventurous and Taylor with his two new twin cohorts Gaston and Philippe had to be quick to keep up with her.

I was shocked to see Gail walking the streets of London like she owned them. I must admit Taylor has been a happy man. I guess good sex will do that to you.

I need to find Ana I know she has her nose buried in a manuscript. She has been almost as bad as I have when it comes to work.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **You can have Paris

**Date: **August 09 2011 12:23 PDT

**To:** Christian Grey

I have never understood why people think the French are so neat with their whimpering smiles and limp handshakes. I must admit that the food is good, but give me a London pub over a French café any day. But of course, you can speak fluent French and with your beauty you would fit right in. Being a wine snob doesn't hurt either.

I would not be surprised if the two of you came home in berets. I'm in another down mood; one of my patients had to be admitted to the hospital. I think I can help everyone and I know I can't. I always take it as a personal failure when my methods don't work.

Don't write back. You're on your honeymoon and tonight just give me a cheer with a glass of good wine. If you need to send me a case or two just as a cheer-me-up gift, it would be greatly appreciated.

Carry on with your honeymoon and merry making.

Cheerio John

The next afternoon Ana and Christian went wine shopping. By the time they were finished, they had three cases to ship home, two to John and one to the Escala. Ana realized the joy Christian felt in giving to people, something she didn't understand until she saw Christian face. Now she knew that's what made him such a good philanthropist.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Arson

**Date: **August 17 2011 23:45 FDT

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

My world has gone dark as I now know that the fire at Grey House was arson. I mean when Charlie Tango went down I knew it was sabotage. I kept security high just because I felt there was more to come. Now I don't know if Ana can be protected. Someone is really out to get me and what will I do if Ana was hurt in the mix? I would rather die than watch her get hurt again.

Although I was really pissed at her the other day when she took her top off on the beach and then fell asleep exposing her breasts for all to see. I love that woman, but going topless in public is more than I can bear. What if the paparazzi had taken photos of her? I gave her hickeys all over her breasts so she couldn't or wouldn't do it again.

John, please talk me down off the ceiling as we cruise on the Fair Lady on the Cote d'azur. What am I to do? Can money really buy protection or am I wasting my time, money, and effort?

I need to reassure my love that things are fine.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings and Arson Inc.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Arson

**Date: **August 17 2011 05:02 PDT

**To:** Christian Grey

First- what an arrogant asshole you are! How did Ana react to hickeys on her chest? They used to be called love bites, but that is the opposite of what they actually are. How dare you, Fuck Head!

Now that my ire is contained, I'll act like your fucking psychiatrist, Christian, I'm so sorry that arson has touched your life. Grey House is in all of the papers here. It should be off the front page when you return. You're doing the best you can protecting Ana. Don't smother her just try to be as open and honest as you can. You don't want another scene like you had in my office by withholding things from her.

I know when you get in these situations, fear takes over instead of your usual cool logic, but nothing you can do beyond what you are doing will protect Ana anymore than she is already protected.

You know how to beat up your fear and toss it back in the closet. But not telling Ana the truth makes her more vulnerable. I'm sure you don't want that. Come see me when you get home 4:30 is still yours."

John

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Thanks

**Date: **August 18 2011 06:47 FDT

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

You really can chew my butt off. I needed it as usual. By the way she threw a hair brush at me. I hate leaving any marks on her beautiful skin and why I did that is beyond me. You would say I did that because I could. Next time she will aim the hair brush higher or God forbid – lower!

I will see you Monday, John. Have a good weekend.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

Christian had beenbombarded with work and people since arriving at Grey House. He called Andrea and said, "I'm going to make a phone call, and I'll be out of action for thirty minutes. Just take messages, and please prioritize them. Andrea, you were so cool during the fire and I rely on you too much. I'm increasing your salary by ten percent. When you see me next, have the forms filled out for my signature."

Andrea tossed back her blond hair with happiness. "Mr. Grey, thank you for your faith. I was just doing my job, which I must admit I'm very well compensated for. Thank you again, Sir."

His next call was to Flynn. "Hi, Addie, this is Christian, would you please put me through?"

"I hope your honeymoon was wonderful. Wishing you and Mrs. Grey continued happiness. Sorry for your loss at Grey House."

"Thank you, Addie, I always appreciate your good vibes." He could feel her smiling through the phone.

"John, you're not going to believe what happened yesterday afternoon after the rain stopped. Ana and I were in such good moods after seeing my family that I let her drive my Audi R8. I told her if she dented it, I would spank her. You know R8 is like another lover to me, but I'm into sharing now. Sawyer was heading up our security team and he let some Dodge van get in between the R8 and their SUV. Sawyer called and asked who was driving, and I told him Ana. He told me the van behind us had stolen plates. I was fucking freaked out because this was Ana's first time driving such a powerful car. After a mile or so, Sawyer told me that Ana had to drive faster to try to lose the van. It was awful to tell her that we were being pursued by unknown people in the van. She had already seen the van in the rearview mirror."

"Look, Christian, I need to know if everyone is alright then please go on with your story."

"John, my friend, my dear, dear friend, everyone is fine and we made it home in one piece."

"Whew!" John blew out his breath into the phone.

"We made it over the water on the 520 bridge, and Ana cranked up the speed. My God is this woman good. Then on I-5 she was going at least eighty-five, as assholes would try to ride in the fast lane. She calmly asked me where the headlights were so she could flash the sucker in the fast lane. When that didn't work, she smoothly moved across three lanes of traffic, maintaining her speed. Some people even flipped her off. The van was in full pursuit as we drove off Stewart Street, the van sped up to one hundred and ten miles an hour. Ana remained calm, ran red lights on my command, and we ducked into a public parking lot and hid. The van passed us by and then cruised by the Escala. All this was being relayed by Sawyer, who was still in hot pursuit."

"Ana fell apart when she turned off the car. Her tears flowed. We ended up having sex in the car just to calm our nerves. My God, John, is there anything that woman can't do? She put on such a brave front, and then executed every order I gave her. She is strong in a crisis, and you're right - I can't protect her. When we got back to Escala, she told me I could buy her a white R8 for her birthday. Come to think of it, I better order it now."

"Bloody fuck, Christian, I think a dozen cars are in order. Do you often have sex in public parking lots?"

"No, another first with Mrs. Grey; I drove back home after that."

"Do you have any news about the fire at Grey House?"

"Another first again, John, it was Ana who recognized her former boss, Jack Hyde, from gritty surveillance images that were taken in the computer room. I think she studied her boss a little too much while she worked for him but, in the end, her memory served us well. Like I said, John, this woman knows no bounds."

"You better be thankful you are married to her now. I bet the entire time she was speeding in Seattle; her only thought was keeping you safe. You're really out of your league with her, aren't you?"

"John, I'm in love, and she astounds me at every corner. I never knew life could be so challenging and move so fast. As always, I will try to catch you later. You have helped keep my head on straight. Thanks."

"Christian, just take a few deep, cleansing breaths before you tackle the world. Talk to you soon, bye."

August 23, 2011,"Thanks, Anastasia, formeeting me for lunch I know this is only your second day back at work after your honeymoon, but I had to talk about Christian."

"Dr. Trevelyan-Grey, of course, I would meet you for lunch."

"Since you're my daughter-in-law, don't you think you can call me Grace? I went ahead and ordered salad and iced tea. I just needed to talk to you about Christian."

"What do you want to know about Elena, Grace? I know how devastated you were the night of Christian's birthday party. Then I knew before the wedding you wanted to talk to me. I'll try to help you understand, but I don't completely understand myself."

The waiter appeared with two chicken Caesar salads. Ana took a bite and waited for Grace to talk.

"How much damage do you think Elena did to Christian, and do you think Dr. Flynn has helped?"

Ana paced herself by eating the salad. Then she took a cool sip of iced tea. The iced tea was strong, but Ana was not going to make a fuss in front of her mother-in-law.

"Elena did real damage to Christian. First, it was his birth mother with all that terrible abuse and neglect, but Elena was more insidious than that. Pedophiles have no idea about the harm they cause their victims. Christian was probably out of control at that age. Very few of us are in control at fifteen. But with Christian who was already wounded and vulnerable, she gave or forced him to be in control, mainly by controlling his sex. I hate to be so blunt. That is why at twenty-eight, he is still that fifteen-year-old boy emotionally, before Elena got her claws into him."

She stopped talking and went back to eating.

"I know you know more than you are telling me, and part of me doesn't want to know. Elena, I never thought of as a child molester until that night. I knew she liked them young, but I was thinking twenty-one instead of fifteen. Why did it work out with you and Christian? What about Flynn?"

"Dr. Flynn until I met him, I thought he was a high-priced charlatan. I think he has helped Christian, not only with his therapy, but also with his friendship. Christian has no male friends. They are more like very good friends than doctor/patient. He trusts John and his family, and I have to tell you, Christian trusts no one, not even me at times. Flynn told me that Christian wanted me more than his lifestyle. It was hard to believe at first and after a really ugly incident, I left him. We were apart almost a week and, when we got back together; he told me that he wanted me without any coping mechanisms. We have had terrible fights and great times making up. Oh, I love your son, and sometimes I wish I didn't, but I can't help myself with Christian."

Grace had finished her salad and placed her fork and knife across the plate.

"I liked you, Ana, from the first day I met you. I think I interrupted what was going on in the bedroom." (Ana blushed.) "You have such a sweet, quiet charm about you. And what you have done for Christian makes my heart sing. You have given my son the one thing he never had before - intimacy. He is growing in ways I thought were beyond him. The night he went missing, and Christian pulled you into his lap while the family was there, we knew he had changed. It was Elliot who said on the elevator going down, "if Ana has that kind of effect on Christian, then we should be welcoming her into the family." When did he ask you to marry him?"

Ana had finished half of her salad and was done.

"Christian and I had a terrible fight on June 15, with more revelations about his past and how fucked up he was. Please excuse me." Grace waved her hand as she was listening intently. "Christian has always been terrified that I will leave him again and, after tears, harsh words, and reassuring words, he asked me to marry him. I have to say that I laughed in his face. He just told me horrible things, cried, and then begged me not to leave him. It was the height of absurdity, and laughing turned out to be cathartic. Then I had the gall to tell him it was a terrible proposal."

"My son can be dramatic at times." The waiter showed up and Grace fished out a credit card from her purse and handed it to him. "So when did you say yes?"

"The next day when I could still drive without bodyguards, I went to a tourist shop and bought a flashing key chain; one side blinked "Seattle," and the other programmed with a "YES." I planned to give it to him on his birthday. Then I remembered we saw Dr. Flynn the next night, and I gave him his birthday present before we went into Flynn's office. Then Charlie Tango went missing. My prayers were answered when he walked into the foyer. After the family left and we were alone, I let him open his birthday present, and the rest is history."

The waiter came back with her credit card.

"I'm going to ask if Christian is a good lover since you might be his only one, other than Elena!"

Ana choked, while sipping on her iced tea with her eyes watering.

"Sex with Christian Grey is beyond wonderful, but then you know I have had no other experience than him." Ana thought if only Grace knew what her son was capable of with sex, she would not be able to think or breathe; Anastasia thought as her cheeks flushed scarlet.

"Thank you for your candor. I didn't mean to embarrass you, with these probing questions but, after the revelation about Elena and then your fast wedding, I just wanted to know if you were both alright."

"Grace, we are trying. Not everything is perfect, and Christian can go ballistic if he thinks that we are in danger, but I'm learning to cope with his mood swings and his problems. But Christian can be so sweet and romantic, like the night of his birthday. We spent the night in the boathouse surrounded by flowers, and he gave me my engagement ring on bended knee. He can be so loving."

Grace stood up and said, "We should make this a monthly lunch date. Thanks again, my dear. You have put my heart at ease." She gave Anastasia a kiss, and then they went to their waiting bodyguards.

Christian said as he entered Flynn's office,"John, I'm beginningto think that coming to your office is like the movie, Groundhog Day. Every day is the same, yet I have new news and new challenges. Yesterday was a battle royal when it came to Ana changing her name to Grey at work."

Christian sat in one of the winged chairs, and John sat on the couch. He was there so often that he changed seats constantly. John's office only had windows on one wall, from where they were seated they could not look out. Christian often missed the view from his office that looked out on the expanse of Seattle.

"Sorry, I was just drifting off. I know our time is _my_ money, and I should keep focused. How can so much happen in a day like yesterday? Oh yeah, changing her name. She wanted to keep her independence at work. I had to spill the beans before I wanted to about changing the company name from Seattle Independent Press to Grey Publishing. I want her to run the company, and I was giving her the company as a wedding present. She resisted, telling me she was incapable of running a company. Hell, if she can out chase the bad guys at a hundred miles per hour through the streets of Seattle, she is capable of running a publishing company. She finally capitulated when I threatened to fuck her in her office."

"Christian, your bulldozer tactics often seem to come back and bite you in the ass. I don't know how she puts up with you, but that is her problem now that she has married you."

"Do I hear resignation in your voice, Dr. Shrink?"

"No, we all make choices, and she has chosen to put up with your bullshit. What happened next? By the way nice, hair cut."

"Speaking of haircuts, she cut my hair. Like I said, she knows no boundaries. She did a great job, and we had great sex in between cuts. She walked out of our bedroom to find Mrs. Jones and Taylor in an embrace. She was shocked. Taylor saw her in nothing but my shirt. They both were embarrassed. I don't know when she will get comfortable around the staff."

"Anastasia is a multi-talented woman. I know you fell for her without sex, then sex; and now haircuts. Is there anything that woman won't do for you?"

"The only things she won't do for me are let me beat the shit out of her and OBEY."

"If I were you, I would never forget that."

"Then Gia, the architect, came over and we looked at the plans for the new house. I told Ana to ensure that Gia had incorporated our vision of charm into the design. After all, if she doesn't want cutting-edge minimalism, then she should tell Gia exactly what she wants. At one point, Gia put the moves on me, even touching me. Ana became a green-eyed monster and, when Gia touched me, I thought she was going to self-combust. I told Gia that Ana was in charge of the project, and whatever she wanted was hers."

Christian got up for water and asked John if he wanted any; he shook his head.

"When Taylor called me into the office and I returned, things were different. It was no longer Christian and Ana, it was Mr. and Mrs. Grey. I know Ana said something, even though she told me she didn't, but Gia was not the same."

"Just as I suspected, Christian, Ana is now your protector. She can drive fast cars, give haircuts, and probably fuck your balls off all at the same time. What a remarkable woman," he smirked.

Christian leaned back in the chair and smiled for John's description of Ana was tantalizingly pleasant.

"What else happened yesterday after you called me?"

"Um, like what I told you wasn't enough? Things are crazy at Grey House. Security is high, and the staff is on edge. I know that I'm over-protective of Ana and my family, but I also feel the added burden of my employees. I don't know how I would feel if someone got injured or killed by this _cocksucker_ Hyde if he came after me. I know those are 'what ifs' and we only deal in facts and feelings, but my mind does drift off there from time to time."

"Christian, I understand what Ana loves about you is your caring nature. You always used to claim that you did not have a heart. But now, even in the depths of your over-protectiveness, you care about some forty-thousand people who work for you. You have to remember not everything is in your control."

John continued, "I know that you offered Ana the company as a prize, something you wanted for her. You fail to realize what you want for people may not be what they want for themselves. You've only been with Ana since May, and now it is August. You like doing things ass backwards anyway, but you need to talk before you act. Ana keeps being hit by your big ideas. She has her own dreams to fulfill, and she can't always be fulfilling yours. Wasn't there something in your glorious wedding vows about honoring each other's dreams?"

"Not you too, Ana has used those vows as a weapon to get what she wants, usually information."

Christian stood up and said, "As always, you have given me something to think about. Will you be at the Seattle Mental Health Coalition dinner tomorrow night?"

"Yes, if I remember correctly, we're going to be seated at the same table. You're always very generous. I'll see you tomorrow night. Rhian is looking forward to seeing you both. She really likes you, Christian. The four of us should go out to dinner soon. You know we have a very unconventional relationship."

"I know, John; you are so much more to me than my doctor. I think you're my best friend, and someday I'll stop using you're help and start seeing you solely as my friend."

"Until that day, my door is always open."

Christian was at the door and about to open it when he looked back at John. John looked up and said, "Something else?"

Christian shut the door and moved back into the room. "Yes, yesterday I told Ana that she could take out her anger on my body when she got home. Later she told me that meant she could tie me up. I told her I didn't know how I felt about that. But I know exactly how I would feel, I would be back in Elena's clutches. How do I tell her I can't go back to being a submissive, any more than I can go back to being a dominant?"

"I don't think all those demons from your past have been conquered. Just try to be honest. She may not know what she is asking you to do. Christian, the more you talk to her, the stronger the relationship will become. You have been working hard on yourself since Ana came into your life, and the more time you spend together, the more time you have to figure things out. Not all questions are answerable at any given moment. Relax and go home."

Christian hung his head in shame even thinking about Elena. By the time he got to the elevator, his mood had brightened.

John combed his hair back with his fingers and sat at his desk, wondering how he became such good friends with Christian. He remembered two and half years ago, when the cocky confident, beautiful man with copper hair and smoldering gray eyes, Christian Grey, came walking tall into his office. "I saw you last week at the Seattle Mental Health Collation dinner. Someone mentioned you do a new form of therapy, or at least new to me. I've had all kinds of shrinks shrink me. I'm in need of help and, if you're up for a challenge we should set up an appointment." John was going out to lunch, and Christian joined him.

Like others who had gotten to know Christian, John wanted to protect him. He was so beautiful and vulnerable, but he was sure that most people could not see through his carefully constructed house of mirrors. He kept his file on Christian in a special place. If anyone broke in, they would get no information on the Christian Grey. Certainly none of his other patients had such life-breaking secrets.

That night at dinner, Ana said to Christian, "Had lunch with your mom. She asked me how our sex lives were, since you're so inexperienced."

He laughed out loud before he became serious and asked, "What did you say?"

"Something like, you're adequate, what did I know since I was so inexperienced. But of course they already know that!"

"Later, after dinner if you like, I'll show you how adequate I can be. I wouldn't want to spoil my reputation."

"That is what you get when you let your parents believe that you are not only gay, but celibate. Come to think of it, Christian, for them, when I just pranced into your life and took away not only your celibacy, but your gayness, it must have been a pretty big shock." He smiled.

The next night John bent down and said, "Ana, you lookexquisite tonight." She was dressed in her favorite pale pink halter dress; the one she had worn to the rehearsal dinner."

"John, no wonder Christian likes you, with all your flattering bullshit. I'm fine, and you look pretty sharp yourself with the red bowtie, Sir. You must tell me your secret for making Christian happy. But if you sit down, I want to ask you how you feel about handguns."

"Ana, Christian has already told me about his gun tote'n mama, but I'm from England where no one has guns except hunters and land owners which, I might add, all are registered. I see your husband wants his seat."

Christian sat down. "I can't turn my back for a minute, and you're out badgering my shrink for information. John really respects you, at times more than me," he smiled, "but I think most sane, rational people would prefer you to me."

When Mia and Ethan showed up Mia said, "Thanks for the tickets, Christian; are you already planning Ethan's future?"

"No, Mia, but if he is going to be in the mental health profession, he should get to know the players in the area. I must admit with your beauty and our name, Sis, you're a magnet to draw all the important people to him."

Mia shook her raven bobbed hair that matched her short black cocktail dress and sat down next to Rhian.

Ana learned more about mental health that night and felt comfortable talking to different people who would try to make connections to Christian. He had such a mind to remember their names or, if he couldn't, he would ask in the most non-offensive way. Christian was a smooth operator and charmed the panties off half the women there, but the only panties he wanted off were Ana's, which she was wearing.

As they were getting ready for bed, Christian said, "I know I'll be away a day and half, but I have something to say." Ana went to bed, making room for him. "You wanted to tie me up, and I told Flynn. He told me to be honest, so here it goes. I don't know if I'll ever be able to let you tie me up, it will take me right back to being a submissive. Or maybe it would take me back to being a dominant. I have just become used to touching, and even having the desire to have you touch me, and I don't want anything to screw that up. Is that honest enough for you?"

"Christian, I was thinking it would be playful not shameful for you. I just want you without rules, regulations, or devices. We should have put that in our wedding vows. You know that's much more powerful than obey."

He smiled at her turned off the light, and then kissed her sweet full lips to sleep.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Ana and Hyde

**Date: **August 26 2011 05:23 PDT

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

What a fucking night; I came home because Ana defied me and went out drinking with Kate. Can't that woman ever do as she is told? I was so mad at her that I could have beat her senseless and now she sleeps in front of me.

She is so beautiful and if anything happened to her, I would break in two. She came back to the penthouse right after Jack Hyde broke in, and he had a hell of a fight with Ryan.

She had been out drinking and was probably pretty tipsy when she came in to find the foyer trashed, and Jack Hyde was knocked out cold on the great room floor. I think she sobered up pretty quickly. Of course, she knew how to handle herself, and then asked about Mrs. Jones. She asked them to call the police to get the _cocksucker_ out of there. I wasn't here and, when I arrived in the middle of night everyone told me about Anastasias bravely. I was so overjoyed she was safe, but I was so enraged at myself.

Sorry, John, I've only had a couple of drinks, but I'm fucked up. You're right to say I couldn't protect her. I'm outraged that I was not here and enraged that she did not OBEY me. She makes me feel impotent and makes me doubt my own judgment. I'm too fucking angry to write anymore. Could you fit me in today, or maybe we could do lunch and continue this.

I hate being out of fucking control.

Christian Grey

CEO &amp; Angry as hell, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Rage

**Date: **August 26 2011 08:02

**To:** Christian Grey

Lunch is on you at 12:15. Bring it or buy it - doesn't matter.

Go hit something other than Ana! Maybe a run or a workout will help. I hope she is going to work to get out of your clutches.

See you at 12:15.

John

Christian asked Gailto make a lunch and was there at 12:15. Addie must have been out to lunch.

He knocked politely, not barging in unannounced. John yelled, "Come in, Christian."

"How did you know it was me?"

"Like I made appointments with three people at the same time? I don't want to play your fucking games. Sit down. What did you bring me to eat?"

"You're a pretty demanding son-of-a-bitch." He said as he cocked his head to one side.

"Christian, at times your rage drags me down into your cesspool of hate and self loathing where, frankly, I don't want to be. Why the fuck, are you so damn mad? Ana will never obey you. I don't know if I should have that tattooed on her forehead. She had drinks with a girlfriend. Tell me why that should upset you so. She probably had security she is not a stupid woman. Now I'm going to eat this delicious salad that Gail made, and you can explain yourself."

"Fuck, John, I thought you would have a little sympathy for me."

John said with his mouth full, "Sympathy for you, what the fuck for?"

"Because I almost lost her last night when I was in New York, and she had three security guards with her, but that didn't relieve my anxiety any."

Christian abandoned talking and picked up his salad. When he was finished, he stood up and made them both coffees.

Placing the coffee next to John, Christian said, "I hate to be out of control, John. When I got home to find Hyde had tried to kidnap Ana, I was in a full-blown panic. My overriding emotion was hatred for the _cocksucker_. I could have kicked him to death so easily, it freaks me out. I felt like that out-of-control fourteen-year-old who wanted to beat the shit out of everyone and everything. How could I revert back there so quickly? Is my tormented past just under the surface ready to rear its ugly head when I get stressed out?"

"Have you talked with Ana?"

"Yes, but I could not bring myself to love her. She came into the shower and held me, and I turned into an ice cube. I wanted to melt when she touched me, but my damn self control would not allow it. I don't feel lost like when she left me, but I don't feel good either."

"Are you afraid that you are going to hurt her physically?"

"NO! I feel overwhelmed that I can't protect her."

"Hyde is in jail now; doesn't that make you feel better?"

"NO, because I know it's not over. I think he has an accomplice who still may be after us. I don't know if Ana knows that Hyde was out to kidnap her or maybe I said something this morning. I'm fuzzy about what I told her since I was so mad."

"Don't you think you should have kissed and held her, told her how much you loved her and, if something had happened to her, you would have moved heaven and earth to find her?"

"Probably, a non-fucked-up man would have done that. Why do I want to take out my revenge against Hyde on her?"

"Because you can."

"What do you mean, because I can?" He ran both hands through his hair and packed up the dishes into the bag that Gail had packed.

"Christian, you learned fourteen or fifteen years ago how to channel your rage by taking it out on your body or someone else's. You learned to channel your hatred for yourself into rage. You know all this. You have to find a way to calm your anger and not take it out on Ana. Do you think she is wondering if you still love her or did a small drink cause you to leave her? Neither of you are so self-assured in this relationship; with all of your insecurity and hers. Neither one of you is sure the other won't leave. These feelings surface in the form of anger for you and the desire to flee for Ana. Don't hold back your fear from her. Don't make her solve your problems. Don't rely on her to love you. You have to show her by caring and touching. Don't leave her disappointed and alone. There is only so much she can take emotionally. You don't want her to reach her breaking point forcing her into a mental hospital like Leila? Ana would crawl over broken glass to save you from yourself."

"Now go home, Christian, my next patient will be here in ten minutes, and I need to take a leak. You're fine; just go home and relax. Hyde is in jail, Ana is safe, I hope, even from you. Go home, play the piano and relax. The sun is still out, and stars will be out tonight. The universe is safe, so just relax and love your bride."

"I heard the words, and now all I have to do is feel them. Thanks for seeing me."

Christian stood, and John said as he got to the door, "Please tell Gail that she cooks better than most restaurants. I'll expect an email from you in the morning."

Christian waved and opened the door to find Addie with another patient; Christian couldn't look at either one.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Ana and Punishing Christian

**Date: **August 27 2011 03:02

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

John, I did try to relax before Ana came home. All she wanted to do was talk. I blindfolded her and fed her a wonderful dinner. We were getting along so well, and then I took her into the playroom. She wanted to go. This time it was the Red Room of Punishment. I did all the things to get her excited: tied her up and blindfolded her to make my advances more intense, then I became the Marque de Sade. With my submissives, a punishing fuck was withholding orgasm. I teased her to the brink of orgasm several times; hell, as angry as I was it could have been twenty-five times. She safe-worded me, and I took her down immediately. I held her and wrapped her in a satin sheet. She wouldn't let me touch her highly sensitive skin. She told me to turn off the music, some terrible piece from Bach's Goldberg Variations. Then she wanted to talk some more.

Why did I torture her like that for having drinks with her friend, Kate? Why am I so fucking petty?

Ana told me to get a grip. When I did things to her I only felt shittier afterwards. She is right, of course. I told her all I knew about Hyde.

We fell asleep in the playroom not a place for me to sleep with all those demons in there. I had a nightmare that she was dead on a cold floor. It was terrifying. Ana woke me up, but I'm not sure that I was even awake until after I fucked her. I smothered her and then forced my way into her. I think it happened very quickly and if Ana had wanted to protest I probably wouldn't have heard it. When I finally woke up I asked if she was okay.

She had a big smile on her face. Thank God. Then I realized that she hadn't been satisfied all evening and I made her come, of course, once again satisfying myself.

Today we are going to Aspen with Elliot and Kate, Mia and Ethan. Ana is right she needs to spend more time with her friends. I just want to make her happy and when I make her unhappy my world gets small and dark.

Will I ever be the man I'm striving to be or will I always be an ex-sub or ex-dom continuing to fuck up Ana's life?

Monday?

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

CHAPTER - 10

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **When will you LEARN?

**Date: **August 27 2011 08:02

**To:** Christian Grey

What can I say about your email? Ana STOPPED you from hurting her. You came to your senses after a terrible nightmare. I think you overreacted to her having a drink with a friend. I don't even have a clue what a punishing fuck is. But, of course, I have never lived your lifestyle.

You didn't hurt Ana, but you did hurt yourself. You gave yourself a nightmare. If you ask Ana, I bet she could tell you when you have nightmares. I suspect it's only after the two of you have had a fight? You can't remain sleep deprived the rest of your life. Sleep heals, restores, and makes you clear headed. Someday I hope you will consent to a sleep study!

Have fun in Aspen. Remember your goal is to love Ana, not punish her. Work toward your goal!

John

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Only a minute

**Date: **August 27 2011 01:30 MDT

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

I only have a minute before I go fishing with Ethan. Elliot is asking Kate tonight to be his wife. The poor man is jumping out of his skin for fear of rejection. I'm under threat of secrecy not to tell anyone or else Elliot might beat me up. I think Kate has even made Ana a little nervous about her relationship with Elliot. Thank God, Mia took the girls shopping.

I'm trying John. It seems so much easier here in Aspen to be myself. Maybe moving is the right thing. Escala has too many negative memories. I want to feel good, but a few days of happiness is all I seem to get then I or someone else fucks up my life and I'm back to square one.

Will my life always be out of my control?

Hope you are having a good weekend.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Happiness

**Date: **August 27 2011 13:06 PDT

**To:** Christian Grey

Christian you have to believe you deserve happiness. Remember this therapy is called Solution-Focused Brief Therapy for a reason; you are supposed to be focusing on a solution. If you want happiness then focus on being happy. The relationship with Ana has only been a few short months. Even though you are married you are still adjusting to living as a couple. You're coming off a lifetime of self-doubt and self-loathing. How do you expect in a few short months to be changed completely? I know you; everything comes with instantaneous gratification, but life doesn't often work that way.

You are making great progress!

Please believe in yourself and the power of Ana's love.

Christian you will never be without problems or doubts; none of us is. You have not hit Ana since she came back to you.

You may have had the urge but you can control your urges. You can control your controlling ways.

I know in your head that you have the future mapped out. But life never works in a straight line.

There will be speed bumps and potholes ahead, maybe even a sinkhole or two.

Just remember only you can control how you react to things. Concentrate on what you want from life and more solutions will appear.

Have fun fishing. I'm jealous!

John – who is watching Cricket as I write!

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: ** Partying in Aspen

**Date: **August 28 2011 02:45 MDT

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

Sometimes John or Dr. Flynn, I forget you are my therapist. You're right about concentrating on happiness.

I didn't caught anything, Ethan did.

He is a bright young man who is working on his masters in psychology and I think maybe in the future he will become my brother-in-law. Just the way he talks about my sister. I don't think he knows he is in love yet, much like I didn't know.

Is it good that I can recognize the signs in other people that I had myself?

The proposal went off without a hitch. Kate was blown away. Elliot was so cute and insecure. I have never seen him that way or at least I have never recognized it in him.

Ana was groomed by Kate to look like a fashion model wearing silver stilettos with a tiny short silver dress. She also did Ana's makeup. With her face painted it was hard for me to see Ana, but I have to admit that fashion model Anastasia was one hot babe.

John you know my wife is very sexy and tonight she was even sexier.

The night was perfect until some guy at the nightclub put his hands on her. He was at least six-foot-eight, blond and smarmy. Ana slapped him once and he almost went to the ground. Of course, I overreacted and punched him once after I saw what had happened on the dance floor. Elliot held me so I couldn't hit the son-of-a-bitch again.

Ana brought me back to reality by rubbing her body on mine trying to get me to dance with her. My little fashion model is quite a woman. First calming my fears and then making me hot on the dance floor. I would have shown her my appreciation, but she had too much to drink in the high altitude. She passed out and I'm watching her sleep.

I love to watch two things about Ana – watching her come and watching her sleep.

I will take your advice and concentrate on happiness.

Good morning John

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

Christian sent two business-related emails, and then felt the overwhelming need to sleep. Soon he was curled around Ana's body, as her scent invaded his nostrils luring him to sleep.

Monday August 29Christian was waiting for John's last client to leave. John motioned Christian to enter.

"You look good, I think even a little relaxed. How do you feel?"

"My calves are a little sore from the hike yesterday. Ana was amazing to hike with; she almost matched me stride for stride up the mountain. It was so beautiful in the mountains, and the air was so light. She slept on the plane home. It was a good weekend."

"Only two things are bothering me instead of fifty. While we were having sex, I asked her to play rough and do anything she could to get me off her. She was up for the game. Things were going fine until…"

John gave him time and, when he didn't say anything, John repeated until…what?"

"I guess I let down my guard, and she stopped playing. The next thing I knew she was straddling me and then took charge. It was unsettling for her to be in charge. She always asks when she makes love to me, but this time she took over and just fucked me."

"Christian, can't you even relinquish control long enough for her to have her way with you? Did you have an orgasm, and was it good?"

"That is what she did, had her way with me. Of course, I came and it was good, but her taking control is disquieting to me. Maybe I have just gotten used to being in control. She does have the right to enjoy my body as she wishes, but somehow I need my psyche to respond as much as my body."

"Do you think you can do that, Christian? Do you trust her when you're having sex?"

He rubbed his right hand through his copper hair, even messing it up more than usual. "I want to trust her, but part of me thinks she will cross some line. Not that she would hurt me, only that my anxiety would take over and make her stop giving me pleasure."

"What you're living is what you learned. Elena touched you in ways to control you. Ana doesn't want to control you. She wants to love you and, by showing you love, she wants only to give you pleasure. Just think how much better your orgasm will be if you could unwind into the pleasure she gives you. Just think what that orgasm would feel like, maybe mind-blowing," he smirked.

"Ana has a list of her mind-blowing orgasms. If I like to see her come, then maybe she would like to see me have a mind-blowing orgasm from her."

"I think you are beginning to understand, Christian. Your sex before Ana was always about controlling the other person. I know you have told me that Ana will come on command, but I suspect it's your voice that's her undoing. She has no fear of being punished if she doesn't come on command like your submissives. You know all the tricks of sex, Christian, but for the most part you don't know the emotions of sex. That is what Ana is giving you each time you're together. She wants you to be emotionally exhausted after sex, not just physically. I would say most of the time, after she has found her release and then yours, you get up and go to work without a thought to her emotional needs. She wants to stay in your arms, fall asleep, and wake up in the same closeness."

Christian went to the fridge took out a water bottle, drained it, and put the bottle in the recycle bin. When he sat down he said, "So let me see if I've got this right, you're saying that my sex is physical, and I don't connect emotionally with Ana most of the time."

"Precisely, of course, Ana's mind-blowing list is probably the times you did connect emotionally. Ana has only had sex with you and probably doesn't know she is missing anything, She has learned all her sex from you."

"That is a terrible thought that my sex is the only sex she knows. I would go ballistic if she was touched by someone else, but that is not what you are talking about. You're saying, for her to be completely satisfied, and then I have to give her the emotions with sex."

"By Jove, I think he has got it. What's next on your list of fixable problems?"

"Same ol' same ol'. She wanted to know if I missed the caning and beating? I think she saw me pick up a garden cane or stake while I was walking the grounds in Aspen. I probably unconsciously was air caning someone. This was the first time I was calm and told her that I didn't miss it. Even the thought of doing that to Ana makes my stomach turn. I only have a riding crop and a soft suede flogger in the room. Both of those she enjoyed as I used them on her. Taylor disposed of canes, whips, belts, and paddles from the playroom. I just didn't want the temptation."

"See you're making progress, Christian. You're building a life with Ana out of trust and mutual respect. Will you ever give Ana a punishing fuck?"

"No, I might punish her a little by not letting her come right away, but then I will always build her up so I can watch her fall apart in my arms leaning against my chest."

"Do you derive pleasure from her touching your chest?"

"Yes, a matter a fact, I now crave it. If you had told me four months ago, I would feel this way I would have called you crazy. I get your point. In another four months, emotions and sex may become one."

He looked at his watch and said, "Got to go, taking Ana to the American Shipbuilders Association Dinner. I have to make all those old coots jealous that Ana is my wife. This has been a very productive session. You still think I'm making progress, Doc?"

"Christian, if you weren't so driven to be complete, I would think you still have years of therapy ahead of you, but you want this therapy to work. You're taking my suggestions and making them work for you. You want to fit in. You don't want to be an outsider anymore. You want to hang out with us little people."

He smirked at Christian as he stood up and headed to the door, then turned around and said, "It's easy to fit in with a little person such as yourself."

John protested, "I'm only an inch shorter than the tall and mighty Christian Grey."

Tuesday September 6- Christianmarched into John's office unannounced. "Last night I desperately wanted to send you an email to bite your head off, but somehow my logical brain took over from my emotional brain. I'm so fucking pissed at you I could scream."

"You're doing a pretty good job of screaming without elevating you voice. I know about Leila's foray into Seattle. No one was hurt and, from what others told me, she was civil. You're the one who overreacted, running into Leila's carefully executed trap to see you. It's strange to me that you let someone like her, control you. Leila only wanted to see you and, when you refused, she did the next best thing, she went to see Ana."

"Oh no, please don't tell me that Ana was one of your spies. I only wanted to protect her from Leila and, like all of my good intentions, it backfired." Christian shrugged.

"It was not your wife. From what I understand, she stood her ground and felt you were belittling and badgering Leila. When will you learn that Ana can fight her own battles? You can't tell me that Ana doesn't have at least a morbid curiosity about your submissives and your past life."

"Yes, my Ana wants to know everything about my past, but I thought Leila would harm her. Instead by running over to SIP I made a fool of myself. Sometimes I want control over a situation more than anything, but running into a situation with no knowledge always makes me look and feel like an idiot. Ana made me confess later that I even had feelings for Leila. Ana knew that I wasn't in love with her, but I had caring feelings. Why does Ana drag my past out of me like that?"

"Because she loves you; Ana knows that you hide your secrets, and she'll always want to expose them to the light. How did you feel when you admitted that you cared for Leila?"

"Ashamed and guilty – I only want to love Ana and don't want my fucked-up past to taint her in any way, but I know it has. Admitting that I cared for Leila was an eye opener. First, it proves how much I love Ana, and it also proves that I was not as evil as I thought. I had feelings for Leila, maybe she was the turning point. Not that I loved her or any of those feelings, but when she left, I felt hurt. And if I felt hurt, then I must have had feelings for her. Maybe she was the start of me changing."

"Christian, it's not important what kind of feelings you had for her. It's only important how you feel about her now."

"Since, she is back on her side of the country, I guess that I no longer have anger towards her; I have no feelings. I want Leila to be happy and healthy, and I have no ill will towards her but, on the other hand, I have no feelings. I wish her the best, but I don't want her here to remind me what a fucked-up son-of-a-bitch I am."

"Christian, you were fucked-up then and much less now. How has Ana taken all this?"

"After our argument at SIP, we went home and fucked each other's brains out. Sex is good to relieve stress, but it also can be a barrier to communication. If I don't want to talk, then I can avoid the conversation by having sex. I still have issues with Leila; I remember my terror when she had the gun pointed at Ana, when she was out of her mind. I don't know how I will ever rid myself of that image."

"I don't believe she will ever contact you or Ana again. I do believe her reason for seeing Ana was to get to you. She wanted to thank you and see you one last time. Leila has lost her husband, and her lover was killed. You were the last remaining stable thing from her past. She did not expect you to be with another woman who wasn't a sub. From that point, her mental illness took over, causing her to do bizarre things. By seeing you yesterday, she could put everything into perspective. If you had not seen her, she would have always wondered if there was a chance the two of you could have gotten back together. You had nothing to do with her breakdown and a lot to do with her recovery. You have given all you could mentally, and soon your financial burden will be lifted, too. You should be proud of yourself being so generous."

"There you go, John, always making me out to be a better man than I am."

"Do you think for one second Ana thinks you are a loser? No, of course not, to her you are helping Leila, and helping without strings attached except the one about her being on the opposite side of the country."

"Now I know who you have been talking to. Leila talked to you before she flew home."

"I wondered how long it would take you to figure that out. Go home, Christian, your tirades are a bit wearing. You have your beautiful Ana to take care of."

Christian looked at him and said, "Will I ever be whole?"

"I have news for you; we are never whole, complete or never without need. We are human beings with faults and frailties. We all are just doing our best to survive in loneliness and despair. Most of us cope. But the problem with you at twenty-eight is you are just figuring it out now, and the rest of us have had a lifetime to deal with it. Go home, and kiss your wife, and enjoy what pleasure there is."

Christian grew alarmed and said, "It's not a bad mood or a bad client; what aren't you telling me, John? We are friends."

"I thought I could hide it but, just like the new flooring that no one else saw; you could see the chink in my armor. Rhian has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She is so young, and survival rates are not the greatest when you're thirty-four."

"I'm your friend, and I hope I can be of some comfort to you and Rhian. Whatever you need! I don't mean just financially but, now that I have feelings, maybe I could be a comfort to both of you. If you need time alone, Ana and I will take the boys. I'm so sorry, John. You sure know how to put my problems into perspective. Now it's your turn to email me."

John looked up and gave him a half-hearted smile. Christian was devastated.

When Christian picked Ana up from SIP, she took one look at him and said, "Oh, Christian, my love, what is wrong? You look like someone died."

"Rhian, John's wife, has been diagnosed with breast cancer."

Ana just slid into his lap thinking that Christian had never mentioned anyone dying around him, but to him, Rhian having breast cancer was a form of death.

When they arrived home, Ana went to the kitchen and Christian went to his study.

"Gail, I would like to make gin and tonics. We have had bad news, and I think poor Christian could use a drink."

"Can I ask what kind of bad news, even though it's an invasion of your privacy?"

"Dr. John Flynn's wife, Rhian, was diagnosed with breast cancer."

"That's terrible. You go be with Mr. Grey, and I'll bring your drinks."

Ana found Christian in his study, looking at the computer screen, with tears coming down. For the first time, these tears were for someone else; she realized that Christian's compassion was coming out. She opened her arms, and he rushed into them.

Taylor came into the kitchen and said, "Do you know why Christian was so down after leaving Flynn's office?"

"My love, Rhian, Dr. Flynn wife has breast cancer."

"I've never understood why bad things happen to good people. She is young, healthy and will survive. "

"I know this much, Jason Taylor, when you are young, it's harder to cure. I need to take these drinks into the Greys."

"I'll do that; you make us a drink because we do need it, too."

Taylor knocked at the study door even though the door was open. Christian looked up and said, "Thanks, Taylor, tell Gail dinner in about an hour. Sorry it's later than usual; I just need to relax first." Taylor went back to the kitchen.

"Ana, I know I'm screwed up, and our relationship has been short, but I just don't know what I would do if I were in John's place."

"If we had children like they do, you would go on living because of the children. Rhian is strong, and we have to believe that she is stronger than cancer. Is one of the charities you support breast cancer?" He nodded.

"Then make a generous donation in her name, and send her a card explaining your gift. Also, tell her, when she is up to it, we would love them to come to dinner."

"Thanks for making me feel better. I don't know why Rhian's situation hit me so hard. (He handed her a drink.) Maybe coming on the heels of Leila, where I had to admit I had feelings. I know for sure I have feelings about Rhian and John, whom I love like a brother."

She took him by the hand and led him to the great room.

"You're the new Christian Grey, the one I'll always be in love with, who is caring and kind. Let's not be depressed over John and Rhian. Let's be hopeful for the future with them in it."

Christian put down his drink and kissed her. It was a new kiss, full of hope and promise.

CHAPTER – 11

"Hi, Addie, I know John is busy. Ana called telling me her father has been in a terrible accident in Portland. And…"

"Before you continue, please wait a moment."

Christian heard her knock on John's door. Then he heard him say, "What?"

"Hi Christian, I only have a minute; I'm in with a patient."

"John I wanted to let you know Ana's father has been in a bad accident. I think Ana is on her way to Portland. I have the Taiwanese here on a project that I've been working on for months and can't leave for a few more hours. Just thought you should know. I'll be emailing because I'll need you're emotional support."

"You take care of yourself and Ana. Be safe, are you taking Charlie Tango?"

"Yes, she is ready to go, and I can't wait to get back in the saddle. Thanks, John, as always."

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: ** Ana's Dad - Ray Steel

**Date: **September 09 2011 18:45

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

Ana is in with her father, Ray, right now. The doctors have induced a coma to keep the brain swelling down. He had cardiac arrest on the table due to blood loss with holes in his spleen and diaphragm. Last but not least, a broken leg. He was hit broadside by a drunk driver while in the car with José's father, José Sr., who suffered a broken arm and ankle. José was in the backseat and only has bruises, and possibly a slight concussion.

Ana has completely fallen apart; I have never seen her this fragile. I'll take it easy with her. I'm not about to add to her burden. What can I do and how can I really support my brave girl?

I have asked Grace to come down to do a consult.

Tomorrow is Ana's birthday (a big 22) and Taylor is driving her new Audi R8 down as I write.

I'm flying her mother in from Georgia, and tomorrow night my family will be here for a surprise birthday dinner. I did have other plans, but they changed in an instant.

I feel so lost and helpless, but nothing like Ana.

Thanks John as always

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Compassion

**Date: **September 09 2011 19:02

**To:** Christian Grey

I know you feel like a deflated balloon, but you're developing compassion. I know you want sex with Ana, but just take it gently.

She needs your strong arms for support.

Don't push her to eat. People often don't eat when under personal tragedy or stress.

You're developing into a wonderful caring man, arranging a surprise birthday party and if the worst were to happen, she would need her friends and family around.

Tonight I was watching the news and there was a little blip about the accident. There was no connection to you.

Just love your girl and take care of her and yourself.

This may be a long haul - taking care of her dad.

John

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: ** Brain swelling down

**Date: **September 10 2011 13:14

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

When Ana saw the white Audi R8 pull up in front of the Heathman Hotel with Taylor driving, it was pure joy to watch her jump up and down. It was as if she had been lifted on angels' wings. Her burden had been lifted and my carefree Ana had returned. I even gave her a very public display of affection on the sidewalk in downtown Portland.

At the hospital Ray's brain swelling is down and tomorrow they are going to bring him out of the coma. Good news. The joy of my Ana!

Ana asked me an interesting question , why I work the way I work. Funny I never thought about why I work. I think I told her it was a game that was always easy for me. I had been poor and didn't want to be that way again. But it got me thinking about why I work the way I do.

When I grew up it was all manners and politeness that every day I used. Then social media came into being. I don't have a personal Facebook page, but the company does. I have been into protecting myself so I have never used social media. Anyway part of me is good-old-boys network with golf courses and men's clubs, but the other half is about high-tech.

That still does not answer Ana's question. When I bought into my first company it was a marine machine shop with a fabrication business. My $100,000 was supposed to give them the lift to make them profitable. I had a clause in the contract that I could buy them out if I could raise the capital in a year. I persuaded the current owner to sell off the fabricating business. I found a buyer for the equipment and with my share I bought out the owner. Then I leveraged the machine shop which was profitable to buy my next company.

It is about the satisfaction of knowing I grew this company into something better than the original owner did. I took someone's dream made it better and incorporated it into my dream.

Do you know that I still own that machine shop and we have expanded the original site twice and expanded into two other cities?

I like the thrill of tracking down an underperforming company and making it profitable.

I'm young and have many more things to do. Looking back I can see how far I have come. I think the biggest risk that I took was building Grey House in a recession. Come to think of it the recession was when I really made money. I doubled my business in 2008 then by last year my business had quadrupled.

I'm just rambling and being reflective. Sorry John.

Keeping you informed as always. It has been a good day so far and I can't wait till tonight.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Reflections and a birthday

**Date: **September 10 2011 17:19

**To:** Christian Grey

Thanks for sharing. I know you are a great businessman, but I had no idea about the marine machine shop. I think it's your love and knowledge of manufacturing that sets you apart from most businessmen; you want to build things. Not only do you like to build things, but you want that knowledge yourself.

You are a very interesting man and you seem to have a little of the Midas touch when it comes to business.

Do you think with Ana in your life you will continue to work as hard as you have?

Your beautiful wife is twenty-two today. You went way over the top with Audi R8, but I could feel her joy in the email. Please give her our best wishes on her birthday.

Christian only when you are relaxed can you reflect.

See you when you return to Seattle.

John

While Ana was driving back to the Heathman Hotel, Christian said, "You wanted to know why I work the way I do. I gave your question a lot of thought when you were in with your dad. I like taking someone else's dream and making it better."

At a red light, Ana looked over and said, "That is why I love you. You are always making things better for other people. I just want to know about your work, because I feel that it will help me stay connected to you."

"Back at you, Mrs. Grey, I like hearing about the crazy world of publishing. You're satisfied with your publishing position?"

"Oh no you don't, Christian, I don't want any more work or responsibility at the moment. My job is fine. I work hard and love the challenge of finding good books. Don't let those brain cells start working overtime on my career. Don't you have your eye on an underperforming company that you can buy and work on?"

"Fair point and skillfully executed, Mrs. Grey. By the way, this car fits you... not only do you look good behind the wheel, I have to say you are skilled at driving it."

She pulled up to valet parking and handed the keys to the attendant. "Christian that was the sweetest thing you have said all day. I love the car and the charm bracelet, but neither can compare to the love I feel for you."

They walked into the lobby holding hands; the elevator was empty, and they kissed until the door opened.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: ** Birthday surprise

**Date: **September 11 2011 11:37

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

Ana was totally blown away when we walked into the dining room and her mother (who she thought had forgotten her birthday) was standing there. It was so sweet! Ana looked wonderful in a new Navy blue cocktail dress that I bought her. She asked if Taylor bought it for her. I bought it a week ago. We were supposed to have sailed on the Grace today then the party at the penthouse. Plans change.

José gave her a book of candid wedding shots. I asked him yesterday if he could do some work for Grey Enterprise Holdings. I know he is studying engineering, but photography is his thing. The kid is gifted.

Elliot and Kate look happy. I must find a way to build a relationship with that girl. She is not only Ana's best friend, but in love with my brother. I'll need help with that one.

I'm going to talk to my sister about her future on the 19th. She just can't live at home forever and not work.

The best surprise of the night was when we were along it was all fun and games. I think we were up till three satisfying each other. The more sex I have with her the more sex she seems to want.

Then at nine this morning we were in the hotel's private dining room for breakfast. The gang was there. She opened her presents and kept squeezing my knee under the table. I think if she had no shame she would have crawled under the table to given me a blow job. I'm happy and overjoyed with my wife.

Ray will be taken off the ventilator today. I don't want Ana to see that so we will be leaving the hospital soon. I would like to go to the beach a few hours; of course, Ana's driving.

Bye John thanks for putting up with my ramblings

So far - only blue skies and no dark clouds.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Ray

**Date: **September 11 2011 19:57

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

Ray is awake! Ana just came out and told me. I will fly him back to Seattle as soon as possible. As much as Ana likes the Heathman Hotel, she is missing home. Home - what a wonderful word.

My brave girl has her father back.

See you soon.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Detective Clark

**Date**: September 12 2011 17:10

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

I'm pissed that Detective Clark came from Seattle to harass Ana. That _cocksucker_ Hyde has accused Ana of sexual harassment. Telling the dear detective that Ana came on to him! What a bunch of crap that is. I was losing it as my sweet Ana sat quietly and demurely answering Clark's questions.

I felt her humiliation but she accepted it in stride. Once he left she had a good laugh and then wondered what Hyde's game was. It was distressing for her to think about Hyde.

Coming home tomorrow.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc.

CHAPTER - 12

"Christian, what has happened? You look pale in your dark gray suit, and you are almost the same color as your white shirt."

"I have done some really stupid things in my life, but last night takes the cake. I hurt Ana, and why she hasn't left is beyond me. Yesterday we moved Ray from Portland to Northwest Hospital. When I picked her up from work, something was bothering her, and she would not tell me. I asked and asked, but nothing was forthcoming. When we saw Ray before coming home, she was off, and even her father noticed, but nothing was said. While we were eating dinner, I asked her again, and she told me that she was **pregnant**." He moaned

"My world just imploded. Of all things she could have said in that moment, being pregnant was not one of them. I accused her of doing this on purpose; I told her how stupid she was. You know me, I ranted and raved. Then I made my first stupid mistake since being married, I walked out on her." His face was covered with perplexities.

"The penthouse had always been mine. Now I had Ana standing there in the kitchen telling me she was with child. How could that be? I know she had a shot, and I didn't figure out until this morning that the shot had failed to work weeks ago. I could not handle the news, and just walked out. I left her alone, after dumping my shitty rage on her."

John looked cautiously at Christian and said, "I want to say congratulations, but I know you're not ready to hear that, Christian. Did you see Ana this morning, and is she okay?"

"Yes, but I don't see how. She is furious with me. She stomped around naked while she was getting dressed for work, just to show me what I had, but was too stupid to recognize. I have never seen her as mad as she was this morning. I have to tell you what I did."

He took his hands to his face, trying to shake off his stupidity. John was writing in his leather notebook, BABY.

"I walked over to your office after I left her. You were at a stupid parent-teacher thing. Not that it was stupid, but last night I felt it was stupid. I couldn't call and drop this bombshell on you over the phone. I kept walking and ended up over at Elena's salon just as she was closing for the evening. We went to a nearby bar and talked. On our second bottle of wine she touched me. I recoiled from her, and then she made a full-on frontal attack. I don't think anyone has ever made such a premeditated pass at me before. I told her to stop, that I was not interested in her, and I only wanted Ana. If she had been smart, she might have said, 'why am I here and your wife's at home?' When she left, everything had ended between us. I'm never seeing her again unless it's by accident. I knew in that moment I wanted to be with Ana and discuss our future, but I was being the stubbornnest-ass on the planet." He paused to think.

"So what the fuck do I do, but start drinking bourbon? I did make it home, walking down the streets of Seattle out of my mind; I should have been arrested for public drunkenness. I must admit it was stupid to be out alone, with no regard for my personal safety. I think Ana had been asleep on the couch and, as I came in, she got me to bed. She took off my jacket, and my BlackBerry fell on the floor with this message from Elena."

He handed John his phone with the message from Elena.

It was good to see you. I understand now.

Don't fret. You'll make a wonderful father.

"So you told Elena that Ana was pregnant?"

"No, John, even in my fucked-up-ness, I wouldn't tell her an intimate thing as that. I asked her if she thought that I would make a good father. Ana saw that email and slept somewhere else in the house last night. She never told me where. As I watched her dress this morning, she explained that she was moving into the submissives' bedroom. She yelled and screamed, calling me a goddamn adolescent and telling me I needed to grow up. She also called me spineless. How do I get her back?"

"First, how do you feel about the baby?"

"I'm not ready to be a father, but now I don't have a choice. My fear is about to detonate. I don't want to drive Ana away, especially when it was not her fault and, if it were her fault… Hell, it's just as much my fault if we are assessing blame. She was on birth control and did miss a few appointments for her next shot, but she is now four to five weeks into her pregnancy. She got pregnant on our honeymoon. Wasn't that what a honeymoon was for before birth control?"

"You have still not answered my question, how do you FEEL about the baby," John said a little more forcefully.

"You're a hard man, Dr. John Flynn I wish we would have waited, but I'm okay with it. I know it's abstract to me but, as her body changes and the baby grows; I assume I will be thrilled about it. I just thought we would have more time together, just the two of us."

"I thought you might try to force her into an abortion."

"Fuck, John, I would never do that to Ana or myself. We're going to be parents, but all we do now is yell and scream at each other."

"Second question, what about Elena?"

"Oh fuck, I haven't had time to explain that. When she touched and made a pass at me, it was the first time I realized that what Elena did to me all those years ago was wrong. She really is a pedophile. Maybe it's because I'm going to be a father soon, but something snapped. Ana was right, I never saw Elena for the predator that she actually is. I think that is why I went to the hard liquor after she left the bar. I realized that I was a victim. No wonder I'm so fucked up."

"Christian, for the first time, you're feeling those emotions about your victimization. Elena used you and abused you in the most horrific way. How could you have wanted to feel that pain, you have been hiding from it for thirteen years? Now all that pain is mixed in with Ana and the baby. Your complex compartmentalizing of your life has broken down. You can't hide from your emotions anymore."

Christian leaned over, placed his elbow on his knee, put his head in his hand, rubbing his thumb and index finger across his eyes. "I would like to cry but, now that you have explained what has happened to me, I feel more complete. Ana will forgive my stupid, arrogant mistake. I'll become a father and love the process. I'll still be over controlling and over protective, but somehow I'll be more caring and compassionate. Why, after all these years of psychiatry, did I have this breakthrough?"

"Christian, since Ana came into your life, you have wanted to change. You gave up your learned sexual habits. You gave up your selfish ways, and now you have given up the past and you are feeling the pain from that. You want to be free to love Ana, and now the baby. You want love more than you want the pain. I'm so proud of you and your accomplishments in this office. Elena is truly in the past. You put her there. Ana will recognize that once you tell her the truth. What are you going to do about Ana?"

Christian said, "I think I'll give her space to process what has happened. If I push her, she will resist anything I have to say. Funny, for the first time, I feel she loves me. She has told me often enough, but I can feel her here in my heart," He said as he placed his hand over his heart.

John added, "I don't know about you, but this session has worn me out. Just show her kindness and yourself. This will not be the first fight you will have, and it won't be the last either. Be at peace and know that you're the new and improved Christian Grey. Please process all this before you dump it on Ana."

"I will, John, thanks. Before I go, I need to find out about the elephant in the room. Once you talked me down from my own problems, I want to know about Rhian. I cried for your family when I got home on Tuesday. I know we are crossing or blurring the lines here, but I need to know."

"We're waiting for genetic testing to finish so we can make an informed decision. Rhian's mother died of breast cancer at forty-five. We always knew that this might be a possibility for her. I'll let you know what we are doing when we know. I want to apologize for unloading all that shit on you. It was very unprofessional of me, but your friendship does help me cope."

Christian left lighter than when he came in; he was still worried about Ana, he had to give her space, and he needed time to think about them having a baby.

He went back to work that night and did talk to Ana. Their voices were soft and caring, but neither wanted to give an inch. By the time he got home, Ana was asleep in the submissives' bedroom, and he slept in the chair. He woke up at five but could not face her yet because he was processing his pain, he took a shower, ate breakfast, and went to work.

Ana received the email he sent about going to Portland to finish business at WSU.

Christian had just concluded his business when he received the message from Sawyer that Ana had taken sick, and that he was taking her back to the Escala. Christian flew Charlie Tango fast; because he wanted to be home to check on Ana, whether she wanted him there or not. When he landed in Seattle, there was a phone call from Mr. Whelan the manager from his bank, stating that Ana wanted to withdraw five-million dollars. As he climbed out of Charlie Tango, he talked with Ana. He was too stunned to say much of anything. Christian asked the stupidest question "Was it always about the money?" He was almost too hurt to hear her response, no.

At just about the same moment that he hung up with his love, who was leaving him forever, Taylor told him that Jack Hyde had made bail and was out of jail. It all became clear to Christian that Ana was not leaving him, but giving Jack the money for some unknown reason. He knew Ana was still at the bank, and Taylor drove towards the bank at break-neck speed. Taylor was already tracking Ana's cell phone when Sawyer called and told them Ana had given him the slip and gone out the back door of the bank. Now everyone was tracking Ana's phone. Christian, Taylor, and Sawyer pulled up near the black Dodge Van; at the same time they heard a gunshot.

Christian found Ana on the ground. Taylor yelled at him not to move her. Taylor secured Ana's/Leila's gun, told Elizabeth Jack's partner to sit on the ground, and called 9-1-1. Jack Hyde was rolling on the ground in pain from his gunshot wound. Taylor looked at him in disgust motioning for him to stay still. Sawyer came while he was on the phone, told him that Mia was unconscious, but breathing. Taylor gave the address, reported there were three people injured, and asked them to send help. He also informed them Detective Clark who was working the case.

Christian couldn't think. He was kissing Ana's left hand. Taylor was going to say something, then looked at Sawyer and told him to return to Mia, she should not be alone. Taylor had a hard gaze on Hyde and remained professional since he seemed to be the only with a clear mind, but could have easily kicked Hyde to death.

Taylor decisively called Christian's mother, "Dr. Trevelyan here."

"Grace, this is Taylor, Christian's bodyguard. I want to tell you that Mia and Ana are on their way to Northwest Hospital."

Grace said agitated, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry to have to tell you, but I think Mia was kidnapped, and Ana was blackmailed to save Mia and brought five-million dollars to Jack Hyde."

"Taylor, there is something wrong with our connection. What are you talking about?"

"I can hear the ambulances coming. We'll be at Northwest soon. I'll explain when I get there. Sorry, Grace, I'm more shook up than I thought. Christian will be riding with Ana, and I'll ride with Mia."

Detective Clark pulled up as they were transporting Ana. Christian didn't talk, but climbed into the ambulance with the emptiest eyes either had seen while Elizabeth was taken into custody.

Taylor said to Clark, "I'm riding with Mia; could you have one of your policemen please bring the Audi to the emergency room. Sawyer drive himself back to the bank and return the ransom money." He handed Clark the keys.

Clark nodded his head as Taylor got into the back of the ambulance with Mia. As they pulled away from the crime scene, Taylor could see the police that looked like ants crawling to an abandoned picnic.

Grace was standing talking with Christian when she turned to Taylor. "What the fuck happened?" (Fuck was a word she never used, and Christian looked surprised and took her in his arms.)

"Taylor, tell me before I beat Christian off who is trying to restrain me. I know Mia went to the gym this morning, then what?"

"All I know, Dr. Trevelyan…"

"We're way past doctor; call me Grace, and tell me the truth." She insisted.

Taylor walked into the hospital, with Grace and Christian following. "What I know I'll tell you. Some is fact, and some is speculation. Mia was kidnapped this morning by someone, probably not Hyde, but his girlfriend, Elizabeth who works at SIP in the HR department. I'm sure we'll find out that Hyde contacted Ana to bring the ransom money. Ana took the money and was beaten up by Hyde. She did manage to fire at Hyde, shooting him above the right knee."

"Christian, do you have anything to tell your mother?"

"No, Taylor, good job; I'm sure that any minute the cops will be here. I need to check on Ana."

Grace said, "I'll do that since I can get back in the emergency room. Sorry for being so hard on you, Taylor. Christian, your father will be here shortly. What a hell of a mess!"

Grace walked off, Christian followed and when they were alone, Christian said, "Mom, I just want to tell you Ana found out two days ago she is pregnant. Will I lose both of them? We had a big fight, and I'm just holding on by a thread. I need her more than I need a baby. Dr. Green is her doctor."

"Look, my dear boy, just have faith. She will make a full recovery. Faith, please have faith. You sure know how to deliver good news." Grace kissed her son's cheek and continued back to the ER.

Christian went to the bathroom and washed his face, along with his tears.

Taylor made two calls, one to Dr. Flynn to give him an update, and the second to Gail.

"My dear, I want to tell you this before the press gets a hold of it. Mia, Christian's sister, was kidnapped, and Ana delivered the ransom money, only to have the shit kicked out of her. Christian is a basket case. I don't know when I'll see you, but I needed to tell you that I love you."

"Jason, my love, I know you probably saved the girls. I assume everyone is safe; does Ryan know?"

"I don't know, but I think Sawyer probably informed him. Gail, I miss you and love you. Oh, if I haven't told you often enough, I love you."

"I know you do, and I can't wait to hold you in my arms and kiss your fears away. Take care of the Greys; they need their big strong Taylor, too."

Taylor looked at Christian, "What can I do for you, Sir?"

"Does Mrs. Jones know?"

"Yes, I just talked with her."

Carrick was by their side when Grace came out. "Mia was given Rohyprol, the date-rape drug. She was not raped, thank God. They will counteract the drug and wait for her to wake up. Ana is being taken to have a CT scan of her brain. Hyde really did a number on her and, once I know more, I'll let you know. Has anyone called Elliot? I know the press will be all over this. Elliot should know before the press finds him. Maybe it would be nice to call Kate or let Elliot do that. Sorry, not making good sense."

Carrick gave her a hug and then let her walk back to the ER.

"Christian, I misjudged your wife. I'll never do that again. I'm going to sit with your sister. Your mom will be out shortly to tell you Ana's condition. She loves you very much." He had tears in his eyes when he left.

"Hey bro, what's up?"

"Elliot, bad news on this end, both Mia and Ana are at Northwest Hospital, because of a kidnapping plot gone wrong. Please call Kate and come to the hospital. The family needs your wise-cracking smart-mouth to make us feel better."

"I'm in the car already; I was going out to the construction site, but coming your way soon."

"Taylor will fill you in on all the details. Got to go, Elliot."

About thirty minutes later, Grace came and took Christian back to Ana. She saw Elliot and gave him a big hug.

Grace talked with Christian back in the ER, "They'll be moving Ana up to a room soon. She has a skull fracture; her ribs where he kicked her are badly bruised. The side she fell on has scrapes and bruising. She will wake up on her own time. Just talk to her and be with her. One more thing, the baby is fine, safe within her."

"Mom, how long will it take for her to wake up?"

"Could be hours or days; only Ana knows that, but there is no major brain trauma."

Christian was desolate as he took up vigil next to Ana's bed.

Kate came in and said, "Christian, I'm so sorry this happened to Ana, but by now you know that she is just as stubborn and focused as you are. I know we have been at odds with each other for months. For Ana's sake, we need to find a way to become friends. I don't mean bosom buddies; I just mean that we are more comfortable around each other so she can see it. I don't want to compete with you for her affections. I've had girlfriends before, but Ana is my best friend ever. She worships you and would never do anything too intentionally to hurt you. You two are lucky to have found each other, and thank God I was sick the day that she interviewed you. I'm going to give you a kiss on the check and go back to Elliot, if that is alright."

She kissed Christian softly on the cheek and, when he looked up at her, the tears were rolling down his cheeks.

Around two in the morning, John Flynn showed up. Christian woke up as he heard a chair being dragged on the floor.

"Hi, Christian; before you ask what am I doing here, I know the long dark hours are the worst in the hospital. When Colin, our oldest was born, Rhian had blood loss. The first twenty-four hours after his birth were the worst. I sat alone like you. I just wanted you to know that I have read her chart, and she will make a full recovery and I'm sure your mom has already told you. Talk to me, because you need to get those feelings out."

"What feelings, John? I feel numb. I don't even have rage against Hyde. I've been here hours, just telling her I love her."

"She knows that for God's sake. She saved your sister and put her life in danger just to prove to you how much she loves you."

"I know, but what if she doesn't wake up?"

"Christian, no _what ifs_ you're not in therapy at the moment and I won't tolerate it in there or anywhere. No fucking _what ifs_. I'm sure this is twice as painful as it should be after your revelation yesterday afternoon. Your past and present are all mixed up. Everything is more intense. I'm not going to tell you to go home and get some sleep, you will not move from her side. Just remember, none of this is your fault."

"Strange, John, I hadn't thought of that, I was completely left out of the loop on this one. I didn't know Mia had been kidnapped. I thought Ana went home from work because she had morning sickness. When the bank called and told me she wanted five-million dollars, I thought she was finally leaving me. Then, I saw her on the cold concrete at that abandoned apartment complex, and thought for a spit second she was dead just like my dream. I fell stunned to the ground, feeling exactly like I'm feeling now. It's the first time I realized that I would go on after she died, not that I would want to, but I would. What does that mean?"

"It means that you will accept whatever happens, but I'm here to reassure you that Ana will be back to her shy, sexy self very soon. I wouldn't be surprised if, when she wakes up, all she wants is you. Now that I see for myself that you have survived most of the night, I'll head home and call you tomorrow."

Christian gave John a hug, something he had never done before. Christian took comfort in his friend's arms. He wanted to ask about John's own pain, but knew he would tell him about Rhian when the time was right.

Friday the media was out in front of Grey House, SIP, the Escala and the Greys' house. Elliot stayed with Kate so the press wouldn't track him down. Christian called Ros who read a statement to the press from Grey House and answered some questions, but mostly she referred the questions to the Seattle Police Department. Flowers started to arrive. Finally Taylor parked himself out in front of Ana's door so no one could go in without his permission. It was nearly noon when, Gail showed up.

Taylor followed her into the room.

"Mr. Grey, hospitals can have such terrible food sometimes; I brought you and Jason a good lunch. Look how beautiful she looks, just peacefully sleeping. She will wake up!"

"I know that she will, Gail, and I'll eat, Ana gives me enough shit about not eating." He motioned for Taylor to take a plate. Of course, the doctor came in to check on Ana as they were eating. Christian said to the doctor, "When will she wake up?"

"I know when she wants to is not an answer, but I do know she will wake up. Her body is healing while she sleeps, when it's ready it will allow her to wake up. That looks like great food; I know that didn't come from the kitchen downstairs."

Christian handed him a plate and told him to help himself. The doctor gladly did.

When the dishes were packed, Taylor said, "I won't be long, Mr. Grey, I just want to walk Mrs. Jones to the car so the paparazzi don't bother her."

Christian returned to Ana talking about all the things he had planned for the rest of their lives.

After putting the bag in the back of her little Audi, Jason Taylor said, "I've wanted to ask you a question for so long, and now the Greys will be alright, and their lives will not require as much support and time as they have up to now. I know this not romantic, Gail, but I want you to marry me."

They both looked at each other with surprise.

"Jason, you know my first husband was a batterer, and that's why I went to live at Mr. Grey's penthouse originally, for my safety. You were just there day after day with your steadfast personality, and I'd never known a man like you. If I were to be rushed right now with a hundred photographers, I would feel safe in your arms. When we started sleeping together, I found myself. I loved you freely because I could that's a new revelation. I wasn't being pressured into sex. What I'm saying, in a roundabout way, is I love you, and I'll marry you anytime you want."

Taylor pulled the ring out of his pocket. He slipped the ring on her finger. It was a small, brilliant round diamond surrounded by rubies. They kissed for minutes until she said, "I need to go home, and you need to go back to work. How did you know about the rubies?"

"We were out shopping; you were looking in the widow of a jewelry store and I asked what your favorite gem was. You told me ruby. I thought it was only fitting since rubies are the color of blood, and blood is what keeps my heart beating."

She kissed him again. "Jason that was the most romantic proposal a woman could ever receive." He kissed her one more time before opening the door.

She got in, and opened the window. "How long have you been holding onto that ring?"

He shyly backed up and held up two fingers, and mouthed the word months. She pulled out and yelled back, "WOW!"

Taylor was grinning from ear to ear when Christian came out to stretch his legs. "Tell me something good, Taylor, every minute now that she doesn't wake up is another minute of our lives wasted."

"I asked Gail to marry me, and she said yes."

"I didn't know you wanted to get married again after the way your ex-wife has treated you. Since you shared your good news, I have news too. Ana has talked with Gia, the architect, about your apartment over the garage in the new house. She wanted you to have a home where your daughter could come and stay. One more thing – the honeymoon is on the Greys."

"Thank you, Christian; your generosity knows no limits. I must say that you have changed so much since Ana came back to you. She will come back to you again as soon as she can. Would you a cold drink or something?"

"Sure, a Coke would be great about now, and don't forget to get one for yourself."

The hours wore on as Christian impatiently waited for her to wake up. As all miracles happen, Ana just opened her eyes and said, "Hi." She came back to him. He slept with her and, in the morning, he cleaned himself up and sent an email to Flynn.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: ** She is awake

**Date: **September 17 2011 07:30

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

The most beautiful sight to me was when those powder-blue eyes opened last night. We talked a little, she ate, and then I got into bed with her. I haven't felt that kind of peace in days. What can I say, but we are still together and will work on our relationship? She needs to heal, but she is back in life with me.

Thank you again for your middle-of-the-night call. You're a true friend who has helped me understand myself better and how I relate to the world. Also, I hugged my mother, something I think she has been waiting twenty-four years. She was really pissed that I saw Elena, but then I told her that I finally understood that it was over. Now all I have to do is convince Ana.

I need to go see if sleeping beauty is awake.

Thanks John.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **Joy

**Date: **September 17 2011 08:13

**To:** Christian Grey

Joy in the morning to you. The heroine has awakened from her long sleep. I know your negative thoughts told you this would not happen, but she woke up to see her love waiting for her. She may have nightmares and need to lean on you as she heals. You're stronger so please be gentle and don't jump her bones like you would normally do.

In the last few weeks you have learned much about yourself. Now it is time to put what you have learned into action. You know you can communicate with rage and anger, but you can also show caring and compassion. Don't worry about Ana with all the Hyde mess she is strong enough to resolve it with your enduring love. Relax Christian and take care of that sweet woman. There will always be plenty of time to conquer the business world.

Keep me informed on how you are both doing and let me know when you resolve the Elena issue.

John

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: **Taking her home

**Date: **September 17 2011 10:30

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

I am taking Anastasia Rose Steel Grey home with her powder-blue eyes, long chestnut hair and the pale skin that looks paler today. Of course we are taking our baby home, too.

Our lives start now!

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

**From: **Dr. John Flynn

**Subject: **MoreJoy

**Date: **September 17 2011 11:30

**To:** Christian Grey

Good Luck. I'm here the rest of the weekend. Ana will be so happy that you included the baby.

John

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: ** News

**Date: **September 18 2011 02:30

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

Welch, Head of Security for Grey Enterprises Holdings, has learned news about Hyde and me from Detroit. If you have time for me today just drop by. Ana and I will be resting and I will not be working. How is Rhian? You can tell me when you come over.

I am happy, sad, and depressed.

Need to go back to sleep.

Christian Grey

CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

It was nearly two, as Ana slept when John entered the foyer. Taylor was on duty and greeted him.

"I have news, Dr. Flynn. First, let me express our good wishes to you on your wife's speedy recovery. If it was a secret, then I'm sorry. And second, Gail has agreed to marry me."

"Congratulations, Jason, wishing you and Gail the brightest and happiest future. Cancer spreads like wildfire, whether in the body or out. My wife needs everyone's good wishes. Thank you. How are they doing since coming home from the hospital?"

"Ana is trying to find her health; Christian is Christian - always trying to find his way."

"Good, no major dramas; I'll see you before I leave. Do you know when the wedding will be?"

"I would say within the next two months - before they move into the new house because we will be needed then. Of course, Gail is overjoyed about the baby. "

John smiled and looked at Jason's clean-shaven face and said, "Aren't we all?"

He found Christian sitting in his study. When Christian looked up and saw John, he left his computer and greeted him, walking out barefooted.

"Hi, John, would you like coffee, tea, or maybe a Sunday afternoon beer?"

"I like your idea of a Sunday afternoon beer."

John followed him in the kitchen as Christian grabbed two bottles from the fridge and pointed to a glass in the cupboard. John shook his long black hair. They walked back to the great room, and John said. "I have been here several times and it has never felt this relaxed. I always thought it was due to the cold, minimalist atmosphere, but it was actually your personality that made it so austere. Christian, you have changed, remarkably changed. I'll not chalk it up to Ana; you are the one who has made my therapy work. Enough praise. What has happened? There was no urgency to your email."

He took a sip of beer.

"No, but I learned why Hyde was after me and my family."

"Don't leave me in suspense, Christian."

"This was in Detroit, Michigan. When my mother died, they took me to the hospital. Grace was the doctor on call and she examined me. Of course, you know she fell in love, but the state placed me in foster care for two months. When in foster care, there was an older boy. It was Jack Hyde. I don't remember him, and I only have these two photographs that Welch found in Detroit."

He got up, went into his study, and brought two photographs for John to scrutinize.

" Christian…you don't look four here. You were really abused and neglected by your birth mother. Did your parents help put some of the pieces together?"

"Yes, Ana, encouraged me to call them last night, and then the entire family showed up. I don't remember, as an adult, ever asking any of them for help, not even when I started out in business. Grace and Carrick brought Mia, who invited her Ethan, plus Elliot and Kate since they are inseparable." Giving John a quick smile.

"What I don't understand John, is why? Was he jealous that I got adopted and he didn't? Why did he beat poor Ana? Revenge against me for firing his ass at SIP? Could he have held onto his grudge over twenty years? He is the first person I have ever fired who has been revengeful."

"Christian, what you need to do is let the questions go for in the end does it matter? Will knowing make your life any better? You certainly aren't going to exact revenge on him. You're not that type of man."

"I want him in jail so I do not have to think about him. What he did to Ana and Mia are serious crimes, and he should spend serious time in prison."

"Do you want another beer, John?"

"Yes, no one is at home waiting for me. The boys are off with Rhian's sister and she spent the weekend alone to consider the options for her breast cancer. I wanted to be with her, but she needs time by herself."

Christian came back with two more beers. "How could you do that? I've never given Ana any time by herself. No wonder you were always writing and shouting, don't push her. I admire you for your inner core of strength. I almost feel I should be watching over Ana right now."

"She is asleep, relaxing, or just healing. There must be more to this Christian Grey who is drinking beer."

"Last night I confessed to Ana about Elena. There were no harsh words or fits or screams. I explained what I did that night and how by the time I came home; Elena was out of my life forever. I came to terms with the fact that she is a pedophile, and she hurt me for years. I think Ana was skeptical at first but, the more I told her about Elena in the very beginning and now the end of her, she realized it was over. I understand that I have been victimized for years; I need to heal and move on."

"What about the baby," John inquired sweetly.

Ana showed up, her hair a mess and wearing sweat pants and a tee shirt. She said, "I would like to know about the baby too, Christian."

She walked over and sat in his lap. She just wanted his comfort. He started to finger combing her hair. Christian shifted to get comfortable and reached for his beer.

"Before you go any further, Christian, it's lovely to see you, Ana. I think it's so regrettable that you had to be with that S-O-B Hyde. You look better than you did in the hospital. Let's keep it that way. I don't think Christian could take another one of your escapades, other than sexual. He was pretty much a basket case."

"I'll try to be good for awhile, as long as ex-subs, ex-bosses, or even Elena don't try to come after me. Now what were you going to say, Christian, about the baby?"

"I still don't think I'm good parenting material!" Christian said putting his head down on her shoulder.

Ana interrupted loudly, "What about Grace and Carrick? They're wonderful parents. Why don't you see them as role models instead of your birth mother?"

"Geez, Ana, do you want to take over my practice," John smirked at her.

"I think my birth mother has loomed large in my life. She has felt like unfinished business until recently. Grace and Carrick gave me stability and love, but then Elena gave me control; all three of those relationships were tainted by my birth mother's abuse and neglect. I know I'll love our child, but those early years that I should have been loved, I wasn't, is there any way I can be a good parent, John?"

"Christian, I'll remind you again, it's called Solution- Focused Brief Therapy. Your goal is to become a better person. What is your solution – what do you think you have to do to become the father you want to be?"

Ana put her head on his chest because she was tired and wanted to listen to their conversation, but as soon as there was a lull in the conversation, she was asleep. Christian leaned forward, putting down his beer, and picked her up. Her eyes popped open for a moment, and he carried her to bed. He kissed her check, and she drifted into a deep slumber.

When he returned he said, "She has been out of the hospital only a little over twenty-four hours and is fighting sleep. Last night it was probably too much for her to hear about Elena, but I've exorcise her from my soul. I do want the baby, John. I'll read books, change diapers and feed the baby, but what about when this child grows older, and he wants to know about my girlfriends and sex? Boy – that's sexist of me, thinking it's a boy already."

"Christian by the time you have to discuss sex, you'll know your child. At age five, when he or she asks where babies come from, you'll do like most parents you tell him or her babies come from mommy's tummy. Until some wise-ass kid tells him…"

"Call the baby "Blip"; that is what Ana has named him or her, from the blip on the ultrasound."

"Until some wise-ass kid tells Blip what a vagina is. You will figure out what to do – it's by instinct. You figured out how to love Ana, and that didn't take long. Ana will not let you fail to become a good parent. You have your parents and me, to consult and learn from. We all want to see you succeed. You're going to ask for help, and others will give it to you. Just like I asked for your help that day I talked about Rhian. Wait, weren't you the one who had a gut reaction to Jack Hyde? You have great instincts. But that is months and years away. Is Ana happy about the baby?"

"Yes and no. No, because we have had so little time alone and, yes, because she is having a baby. I know she has her fears, but we have not discussed them yet. Jack Hyde really did a number on her, and I don't think it will be as easy to get past this incident. Her body will heal much faster than her mind."

"Christian, thank you for letting me come over and talk with you. You have a standard four-thirty appointment. What a pleasant way to spend a Sunday afternoon, with a good friend and a few beers. Sometimes I like America!"

John and Christian stood up together. Christian was still getting used to the hugging thing, but he wasn't as stiff and awkward as he was the first time they hugged. Taylor did his magical appearing act and showed John out.

Christian went into the bedroom and found Ana still sleeping. She was beautiful, and they were going to have a beautiful baby. She opened her eyes and said, "Thank you for taking care of me. I just want to heal. I think today I have slept more than the whole time we have been together. What is for dinner? I could cook if you wanted."

"Ana, Gail is willing to make pizza; she is making it for Taylor and herself. Would you be up to having pizza?"

"I can't remember the last time I ate pizza that would be wonderful. I can't have a beer, but Diet Coke would be okay."

Christian pulled out his BlackBerry, and told Taylor that pizza would be great."

Sunday night they watched TV, Christian's least favorite thing to do but, when Ana fell asleep in his lap by nine he carried her into bed. By midnight, he was in bed with her.

CHAPTER – 13

"Ana, I can't stay home another day. I need to sign the contracts with the Taiwanese to formalize the shipyard deal. Hannah, your assistant, will drop off some work for you today. Hopefully, you will be up to it; maybe it will keep you from getting bored. I think yesterday was too much for you. Having sex in the meadow was fun, but I really think it was too soon. Just relax and take it easy today. I'm having lunch with Mia, to discuss her employment. The entire family wants to know what her plans are. She has some questions to ask, and I have a lot of opportunities and contacts that she can take advantage of."

"Christian, I just want to be back to normal. I know that I won't have a normal body for another eight months. Then what will be normal? I'm just so very nervous about the baby."

"I'm glad you want to discuss the baby. We can do so over dinner tonight. I love you, but I have got to go. Taylor is waiting for me."

"Why don't drive yourself to work?"

"Ana, you haven't figured that out yet? I can get so much more work done having a driver. You need to think if you want a driver, yourself. I'm not going to push it. Maybe it would be too much after the Jack Hyde incident. I know how much you love to drive."

He gave her a kiss, then she walked into the kitchen, and Mrs. Jones gave her a cup of tea.

Mia arrived at Grey House and went into her brother's office. Andrea was nowhere to be found. Christian had several men with him. Christian introduced Mia to the Taiwanese businessmen. He explained his sister had come to take him to lunch. He finished signing the contracts. Ros took over the rest of the business as Christian ushered Mia out of his office.

He gave Mia a kiss, totally catching her off guard. "A year's worth of work came down to my signature as you walked in the door. I think that's good timing. I have my shipyard. I'll call Ana when we get to lunch. Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you to your men's club on the 76th floor."

"Why there?"

"Don't you do business there? Well…this is business. I have a business proposition for you."

As he looked at Mia he realized that she was dressed conservatively in a navy blue suit instead of her usual flouncy short dresses. Christian smiled as Mia took his hand, just like she did when she was a little girl. He knew he didn't have to ask what she was going to do for employment, she already had a plan.

Just starting to eat lunch, Ana was interrupted by the phone. Christian informed her about the shipyard deal. She was happy because Christian was thrilled. She told Christian that she would take a nap and she would be awake when he came home.

Once they were seated at their table, Mia said, "I know Mom and Dad put you up to this."

Christian smiled at his sister, who was turning the heads of all the businessmen in the club. There were a few guys who tried to approach the table, but Christian had told the waiter that he did not want to be interrupted.

"Christian, I don't think going to Paris was a good idea. You and Elliot are more ambitious than I am. When I graduated from the university in communications, I knew I wanted to become a television producer, but then after five months in Paris, I discovered my creative side. I even had an affair with an older businessman, because I thought that was what girls did in Paris. That turned out to be very dissatisfying."

"Is that why you latched onto Ethan?"

"Partly, but Ethan is handsome, kind and, most of all, he challenges my intellect. Now that you are married and know about sex, I guess I can tell you that Ethan is a connoisseur."

Christian smiled, thinking he would have to tell Ana that, thinking he might be a connoisseur, too.

"Speaking of sex, little sister, when did you lose your virginity?"

"I know all about your virginity statement to Mom and Dad, but I have no shame. It was with Tyler Thompson who took me to the prom when I was seventeen. I don't think he knew what a penis was for. I think Ana had a better idea waiting until she fell in love. I need to keep on track." Just then the food arrived.

After eating half her steak, Mia said, "I have had my own blog that I have been writing since Paris. I have also started a novel. But what I really want to do is write cookbooks. What do you think of that? Oh, one more thing, I have published two articles in Bon Appétit."

Christian put his fork down. "To tell you the truth, Mia, I'm rather blown away. Everyone in the family thought you had taken the summer off. As far as writing cookbooks, I know of a good publisher and photographer. You know I'll help in any way I can. We'll have you on the Cooking Channel before you know it, with your looks and talents, the sky is the limit. You'll also enhance the Grey name and public image. Where did the love of cooking originate?"

Mia ate the last of her steak, and she put her fork down. "I've always liked to cook, and watching the caterers work at the house for all the galas Mom and Dad had always intrigued me. I was just like a sponge and soaked up all that knowledge. I do want a favor, big brother… I know you have an industrial kitchen at Grey House. Do you think I could rent space a few days a week to work on my creations?" She let out the deep breath that she had been holding.

The waiter picked up the plates. "I would let you use the space for free but, if you are serious about this, then why don't you use the space to create, and then serve your food as lunch to ten employees at a time? The employees can be your test subjects…you could get feedback on your creations. I think the employees at Grey House would appreciate a gourmet meal. I think if you're going to pay rent, then you need to charge for the meals. You have to cover your rent, food, and the preparation time for your creations. It might help with your cash flow too."

Mia was excited when the chocolate mousse arrived. When she was finished and said, "I know why Mom and Dad think you're so brilliant at business. I'll take you up on your offer, but I want a one year contract. I don't intend to fail, but you know, with food, failure is always a possibility."

Christian extended his hand to his sister, who would have none of that, and pulled him up, giving him a big exuberant hug. When they were in the elevator he said, "Tell me about your relationship with Ethan."

"Why do you want to know?"

"I've talked with him several times, and I think he is in love with you."

"I like him, and he treats me well, but I'm not ready for a commitment. I do think he is the one. It's rather incestuous with one of my brothers marrying his sister and the other married to my-future sister-in-law's best friend."

The elevator stopped, and they went outside and waited for her car.

"Wow, you think he loves me?" Christian nodded. "Then I'll just have to keep him interested until I'm ready to get married. Thank you, Christian. I know Ana is healing, and I'm going to start seeing Dr. Flynn because I'm having a few nightmares. Ethan has been wonderful since I came out of the hospital."

Christian worked until four and then went to John's office. Christian waited patiently for Dr. Flynn's client to leave the office. Addie was not at her desk, so Christian passed the time sending emails on his Blackberry.

John showed the client out and waved Christian in. "I hear you are taking on another Grey."

"Your mother called and told me Mia is having nightmares. Of course, I'll help your sister _if_ that's alright with you."

"I think you're very good at what you do, and I know you will only discuss me in the broadest of terms. We had lunch today. She wants to write cookbooks. She is going to use the kitchen at Grey House to test her recipes. Then I suggested that she offer employees lunch, and they would pay and critique her food. She welcomed the idea."

"I think you're relieved that she told you what she wanted to do with her life, instead of asking her."

"Yes, I was. My sister is charming and beautiful. I think her beauty radiates from her height and elegance. I'd never seen her as a young woman before – she is very captivating. Maybe I can now appreciate her beauty because I can now appreciate my wife's beauty. Ana is doing better, although on Monday I had to put my foot down because she wanted to go to work. We did see the new house, and it was nice to go for a drive. I would have never dreamed of owning a house like that, with charm as she calls it. The rooms will have at least 12' ceilings, so we won't lose that seaside cottage feel. Elliot is working hard to maintain Ana's charming vision."

"After taking the grand tour, Ana and I ate in our meadow. We even had sex. I'm sure her ribs were killing her. She went at her own pace as she straddled me. Sometimes I think she has no sense of self preservation. Tonight we are going to talk about the baby. I'm frightened that I might hurt her with a thoughtless, stupid remark."

"Christian, thoughtless and stupid remarks are what normal people say all the time. You can't go from imperfect to perfect. No one is perfect. Speaking of perfect, my wife is having a lumpectomy and radiation. We are happy that she does not carry the breast cancer gene. It will be done next Monday. Then, after she has healed, she is going to have breast reduction surgery. These are her decisions. I'm like any man, I love my wife's breasts, but she is the one who needs to feel safe and secure in her own body."

"Rhian will do fine; every woman who has breast cancer has to make her own decisions. Did she get my note?"

"I think she cried for three days. Christian, you're the most thoughtful man. I know she will write or call when she feels comfortable, but everything for her was about making this decision."

"It was my pleasure to do that for your wife. Now, speaking of pleasure, I should go home to my wife. Ana has not had nightmares, but I know she is keeping things from me. I have learned not to push; as she heals, she will tell me whenever she is ready. John, as always, thanks. I really have come a long way, baby." John waved as Christian left.

Christian went into the bedroom and Ana was still asleep. He then went into the kitchen Mrs. Jones was cooking. "Hi, Gail, how long has Ana been asleep?"

"After lunch, she took a nap, and then she went back to bed about an hour ago. She is just worn out." Gail said.

"I know on Monday she did too much, but I think now she is reading her own body."

Ana came in with her hair a mess. "I opened my eyes as you were leaving. Why am I so tired, Christian?"

"Gail, could I'll have a white wine and cranberry juice with lime for the beautiful lady."

He took Ana by the hand and led her to the great room.

"You've just been through a trauma, Ana. Your body wants to sleep to recover. Then you add the baby on top of that. Your body is trying to adjust."

"I know you have been talking to your mother." Gail came out with the drinks. Christian thanked her.

"Grace will be over in a little while to check you out."

"I don't want to see anyone but, if I must, your mother is better than most. I talked with my mom, telling her about Blip, and she wanted to come out, but I told her no. I also told Ray about the baby. Why does everyone think I was pregnant when we got married? They will find out when Blip comes."

"Do you have fear about the baby?"

"Yes, but not about the baby, I fear that when the baby is born, I won't be able to have sex like we've always had it. Maybe it won't be as mind-blowing."

Christian looked into her powder-blue eyes. "I think the chances of that happening are pretty rare, but you need to talk with Dr. Greene and/or Grace to get the real answers. I know after the birth it takes time as your body adjusts. We may not have sex for weeks, but I'll always make you feel special and wanted. Please don't worry yourself about that. I'll start reading, if you want me to; I can read about the strange and weird things that happen to women's bodies after delivery."

"No you don't; I don't need you freaked out, too. I just don't want the baby to come between us. You're right, it would have been better to wait. I just don't want to lose you, Christian."

"Anastasia, you couldn't lose me. I've come through too much pain and grown too much to ever let you lose me. When you were in the hospital, and I did not know if you were going to live or die, I had the realization that, if you died, I would go on living. It gave me peace. I know you are giving me a weird look but, without your love, I would have killed myself one way or another. But I discovered you have given me peace in my heart - the peace to face challenges. You and Dr. Flynn have given me my life. I feel reborn."

"I'm not going to die on you, except at the end of old age. That was a pretty profound realization. With all the turmoil about the baby, Elena, and Hyde, I've not been able to appreciate how much you have changed. But today, when you left for work, you had an air of tranquility. Look what you just did, calming my fears. I love you." They were having an embrace as Grace entered the great room to check up on Ana.

It had now been a week since the Hyde incident, Ana asked Christian to take her into the playroom. The playroom at one point had been the Red Room of Pain but was now turning into the Red Room of Pleasure, all for Ana's pleasure. Christian sat on the couch and called for Ana to join him in her powder-blue camisole and panties. "I know this is what you want but, for the moment, I don't feel comfortable being in here."

She looked at him with disappointment; because she thought that they had over discussed her punishing fuck the last time they were in here. She knew he was not going to whip, beat, slap, or give her a punishing fuck again. Ana trusted Christian completely, knowing that he wouldn't hurt her. Christian, on the other hand, was not so sure.

"Ana, I know why you insisted on bringing me here. You want some kinky fuckery. I want that too, but what I have in mind will take your cooperation. There will be no music, no blindfolds, no shackles or tying you up. Your ribs are still too sore for that kind of stretching."

"Christian, I'm not made of glass."

"I know that, but I'm not going to physically hurt you. One bastard has done that to you, and I'm not like Jack Hyde, even though, on Saturday night I thought we were cut from the same cloth. I have just started to heal from my past. I can't do this, Ana. I can't bring you here again. I may be able to after some time, but not now there are too many bad memories. Flynn told me I'm feeling the hurt and pain that I should have felt when I was fifteen."

He stood up and went to the door. Then he turned and went to the museum chest, starting to put things in a bag. Ana smiled at him, she knew some kind of kinky sex was going to happen. She turned her back so she wouldn't see what he had planned. Christian tugged at her hand gently, and she followed him down to the library. The lights went on, and he locked the door behind them. He placed the bag on the pool table.

"Do you want to watch what I'm going to do to you?"

"What are you going to do to me?"

"Ana, you're the one who requested kinky fuckery; do you want to watch or not?"

"If you think I should watch, then I will." She smiled, almost dripping saliva from her lips in anticipation.

She was squirming, thinking about what he was going to do. Christian left as she looked around the room; was she going to get spanked, but why would she look at him spanking her? The longer he was gone, the greater her anticipation became.

Christian burst through the doors, pushing a long dressing mirror she had never seen before. He also had a stack of bath towels and a box of soft wipes. Now she was totally confused.

He locked the door again. "Maybe we should have a little background music, soft and unobtrusive."

He went to the iPod dock, and jazz sprung to life. Ana did not know that Christian even had jazz on his iPod.

He said, "I don't think we need all these harsh lights on."

He dimmed the lights as the music was playing softly and unobtrusively. He was the director setting the scene for his kinky masterpiece.

"Now would you bend over the end of the pool table?"

Ana's feet moved quickly to the end of the table and she leaned over. He said, "If I were standing behind you, would you be able to see?"

Her belly muscles clinched because now she knew what he was going to do. It took several tries until he got the mirror set perfectly.

He walked behind her and whacked her ass hard, making her body tense up, and he saw her muscles tightened around her rib cage, causing her to yell in pain.

He stood her up. "Ana, you're in pain. I'll not contribute to your anguish. I wanted to love your ass tonight, but I'm not going to. We made love in the field at the new house two days ago, but your ribs aren't in any better shape today, not enough for me to be physical with you."

She took his hand, and they went to the leather couch. "Christian, I'm already hot from you scene preparations. You wanted to have anal sex with me, something we have never tried. Is it painful?"

"God, I hope not, or I would never do it to you. This would be our only chance because it is too risky during pregnancy. If this is done improperly, it could cause infection or anal tearing. These are two things; I don't want to happen to you. After all the risks, it could be mind-blowing sex. But with your ribs, it will not happen until after the baby is born. I'll not have you risk your body for sex. I know you want to pleasure me, but you're not ready for this."

"I'm not sure that I want anal sex anyway. That's not true, because you have tied me up and given me the most incredible sexual experiences of my life. If we are being honest, even in the meadow when I was riding you hard, my ribs were killing me. Maybe you are right, Christian, I have no regard for my own personal safety."

"I knew it – I knew you were in pain, but that did not stop you. I'm sorry; but for the near future, it will have to be plain old vanilla." He smiled longingly at her.

"Now that you have deflated my bubble, what were you going to do to me on the pool table?"

He thought, listening to the jazz, and then started to speak. His voice was soft, low, and sexy. "Anal sex is about relaxation. I would need to lubricate you very well. First I would circle my index finger slowly, just slowly going across your most delicate muscle. I would wait for you to breathe and take on a look of longing before I inserted one finger in you. That is what the mirror is for; I would need to look at you and you at me. It would heighten the experience. The key to anal sex is the lubrication. I would probably have to start from the beginning several times. My finger would explore the inside of you slowly and erotically until I could insert finger number two."

He could see her nipples harden from underneath her camisole. She turned to look at him, leaning back against the couch. She wanted to touch his chest.

"I might even give you butterfly kisses on your ass and then work my way up your back, nibbling your neck, and then blowing in your ear as I worked my fingers in and out of you slowly. Can you feel me?"

She took in a sharp breath. She squirmed in place. He wondered if he would make her have an orgasm just from talking about anal sex.

"Next, I would have to get hard, and I mean really hard, to slip on a condom. Can you feel me?"

Ana moved her hand to his jeans, her favorite jeans, with no underwear, and slowly and gently unbuttoned his silver buttons until his penis sprang free.

Her touch was wonderful, just softly stroking his manliness with one finger.

"I would put more lubricant on the condom, slowly removing my fingers, and gently pushing the head of my penis into your ass. Can you feel me?"

Ana's eyes were closed as he saw the shiver go down her spine.

"I would move so slowly you would be in control. You would tell me how much and when to move. This would be where the mirror helps. It would take time, a very long time for me to be deep inside you. Can you feel me?"

Ana licked her lips as she still softly stroked his penis with one finger.

"You would have to tell me, when you were comfortable, when you wanted me to move, and how much, how fast to go, and how deep you wanted me inside you. How fast…would you like to go, Ana? Can you feel me?"

"Please don't stop talking, please." She said just above a whisper.

"When we were in a nice rhythm, I would move my clean hand to your clitoris and softly circle it, rubbing first clockwise and then counterclockwise. With each circle, I would apply more pressure, while keeping up my relentless assault on your ass. Are you ready, Ana? Can you feel me?"

"Please, Christian, don't stop talking." Ana moaned.

Ana's eyes were closed and her finger went up and down on his penis. He just looked at her body tightening and relaxing, as his voice was shallower, and he was on the verge of his own orgasm.

"I'm in heaven with you all around me. You're so tight, and I can feel your pelvic muscles start to harden around me. Oh, Ana, I want you now. Can you feel me?"

She convulsed her muscles, and his penis released.

They both looked at each other when their eyes opened.

"Wow, Christian, you talked me through an orgasm. And from the look on your stomach, with your cum all over, it was pretty good for you too."

She got on the floor; he lifted his ass, pulled off his pants, and she licked his cum away.

"I must admit, Ana, that was the best anal sex I have never had. I didn't know if I could do that to you but, when I saw your nipples harden and a shiver go down your spine, I knew you were almost there. The best indicator was those tiny beads of sweat that appeared before your orgasm."

"I wanted to move, to help my orgasm along, but the stiller I became, the closer the orgasm got. Christian, is this another first for you?"

"Yes, but there are only firsts with you, because there will never be another second. You're my first, last, and only lover. Just your touch was my undoing."

He gently lifted her off the floor and into his lap and started to kiss her lips.

Ana broke away and said, "If you ever go away on business, I know we can have great phone sex." She smiled lovingly at Christian, thinking about all the trauma, drama, and pain they had together. She wondered if this was the real Christian Grey next to her now.

**From: **Christian Grey

**Subject: ** The Biggest First!

**Date: **September 22, 2011 06:30

**To:** Dr. John Flynn

I think I have made a complete circle in my life. Last night Ana wanted to have kinky fuckery but her ribs weren't ready to have physical sex. I wanted to have anal sex, but we didn't. Instead I took her to the couch in the library and told her what I would do, if and when, we did have anal sex. I watched her body as I talked low, slow, and sexy, she started to get aroused. She unbuttoned my pants and rubbed her index finger up and down my shaft. She only touched me with one finger. I did not touch her. I explained about relaxation and lubrication. She started to get turned on as I watched her nipples get hard.

I didn't know if I could produce her orgasm with only my voice. The more I talked the more I knew I could. She was taking my words into her body, and they were making her excited. She worked her one finger and I worked my voice bringing us both to very satisfactory conclusions.

I have come full circle from complete control of her body to complete control with my voice.

I feel different this morning like it was my choice and hers, of course, on how we had sex. She is no longer a piece of meat for me to toy with. She is my spiritual fulfillment and I'm hers.

Loving her is easier and more fulfilling that I thought it would be. You told me to let my emotions out during sex and talking her to orgasm was _my _pure emotion.

Thank you John, for helping me understand that my emotion feeds her just like hers feeds me.

Good luck on Monday, please call or email when Rhian is out of surgery.

Your friend in questioning the universe,

Christian Grey

CEO &amp; The Real Christian Grey, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.


End file.
